- Date posted
- 3y
Took a Chance (with TL;DR)
I'm not going to ask anyone for reassurance. If I made a mistake then I made a mistake and I need to practice being okay with it TL;DR - I got back in touch with a girl I went on a few dates with and may have overshared about OCD I lived in Washington state a few years ago and met a really fun girl while I was there. We went on a few dates and though I didn't understand it at the time, I now realize I stopped asking her on dates because I gave into an avoidance compulsion. OCD had me convinced that if I couldn't match her in spontaneity, energy, and enthusiasm then I'd be a bad boyfriend for her I feel like I got a one in a billion chance opportunity to try again. She recently moved to my home state to go to school and lives one town over. I've already taken her on a date and it went really well I've asked her on a second date and it's agony for me. Every minute I don't get a text or a call from her confirming her interest, I'm convinced she's lost interest not only in the date but in me. I sent a followup text asking what day works better between Friday and Saturday (a legit question--I have to buy tickets in advance). She responded by telling me that she and her roommate actually wanted to do the same activity I had planned and asked if we could do next week instead I gave into my reassurance-seeking compulsion and said if she wasn't sure if she was interested anymore that it's completely fine and I wouldn't be offended, just to let me know Thankfully, she's still interested! Here's where I think I made a mistake though. I didnt want to be sitting in unsure mental agony for another several days, so I sent her this text: "Yeah, we can we do next week And this might sound really silly, but it's part of the reason I mentioned having OCD. Can you promise that if I ask you on a date and you do lose interest or change your mind at some point, you'll let me know? You probably would anyway but it helps for someone to promise OCD makes your mind default to the worst possible outcome unless you have proof it's not true. So instead of feeling fine about our plans unless I hear otherwise, I'm stressing that unless I get some confirmation from you that you're still interested, you've already decided to cancel but haven't told me yet. Knowing that someone made a promise that they'll let me know if anything changes is the fallback that I can rely on: if they haven't told me they've changed their mind then everything is good" Maybe a weird thing to hear after only one date. If it is, I won't stress about it or beat myself up, I'll just keep it in mind for future reference