I think I really wanna break up with my partner!!! šššššššš I am having very bad anxiety! I canāt breathe! I am still sick so itās even harder!! This isnāt real!!! I know I love him!! This has to be ROCD!!! All I can think about is not loving him! Iāve been obsessing about it for 2 years and now my nightmare is coming true!!!
Iām so sorry youāre feeling this way :( and that itās been so long. OCD is awful in a way that it lingers and can be all-consuming. Iām going through something similar with my partner of 6 months. Just remember that whatever the OCD keeps telling you, you are the one that has the choice at the end of the day.
Take a deep breath, donāt try to end the thoughts, just let them be. If you are choosing to stay, itās because u like him. Donāt ruminate on thoughts, just let them be there. You will be okay!
No itās like I really wanna break upā¦ š¢ Iāve had break up urges but not like thisā¦
@7710 ā¤ļø I don't want to give reassurance, and everything I have to say have been reassurance for me that then turned into a trigger. So I don't want to give you fuel for the fire, so to speak. Use the SOS feature on this app if you need. Allow yourself to think about breaking up. Sometimes when we don't let the thoughts flow through, but see them as dangers, they come more frequently. Maybe, not allowing yourself to think about it is making you feel trapped and then you really want to get away. Our thoughts don't mean we have to act. They might not even be true.
@Maeday I know.. I want those moments where I know I love him even without feeling. Where I feel great! No unhappiness. Thatās how I know I love him. Iām always thinking about negative things. My partner tells me i always have very bad obsessive tendencies. My friend even told me that too. I donāt know how bad ROCD can be with this. But Iāve been dealing with it for far too long now. My partner and I are even working on things too in the relationship but I havenāt been doing anything bc of my mental state. My partner doesnāt realize how much he is better off without meā¦ I canāt trust myself at all evenā¦ I love him I know even if I donāt l think I do I know I still do. I know i am very unhappy with myself. I know working on it is the only way I can see if I truly want to break up or if itās just ROCD being a pain in my ass. I just canāt picture my life without my partner being with me. I just am so tired of fightingā¦
@7710 ā¤ļø Yes! I am having that too. I know I need to work on not being codependent. On dealing with my anxious attachment style. On my own crap. It's so overwhelming when OCD is in the picture and you think," if it doesn't fix my relationship, why try? " So big virtual hugs. You CAN do hard things!
@7710 how are you? I've been thinking about you and hoping you've found some relief lately?
No. No relief. I know my obsessing is making the issues my partner and I have seem bigger than they might be but there are actual issues that weāve talked about and havenāt been solved. My partner and I havenāt had sex in months and itās making me feel like the intimacy in our relationship is gone. I know sex isnāt important but itās another way for me to be close to him. Itās not just our depression. He just sometimes for months doesnāt have a sex drive. Itās like heās an asexualā¦ which wasnāt like that before weāve been said and depressed. Heās had moments in the past but never was it like this. Thereās a lot I wanna talk to him about but donāt know how to bring it up without him getting defensive and without me crying to relieve the tension
I'm so sorry. Relationships are hard anyway and adding OCD to that is not fair. I'll pay for you. Even if you don't believe, it won't hurt, right? Good luck.
Iām having what I think is my first ROCD full episode. Iāve had doubting thoughts the entirety of my relationship. But in the last couple of days have been overwhelmed with and debilitated by anxiety and the feeling that I need to break up with my boyfriend. I donāt know if I have OCD officially but talking to therapists it seems that it is likely and Iām going to an OCD specialist next week to talk through my feelings but I feel completely helpless and hopeless at the moment and riddled with anxiety. Iām in a long distance relationship. I seem to have a waves throughout the day when I want to communicate with my boyfriend and tell him I love him etc. but the other 80% of my day is filled with anxiety and dread that Iām going to have to break up with him. I just want the anxiety to go away and to know if my thoughts are real thoughts or OCD thoughts. My biggest fear is that this isnāt an OCD episode and I do need to break up with him. Iām seeing him this weekend and Iām filled with dread about feeling disconnected and anxious and not in love.
Iāve been with my partner for almost a year now, and my rocd has become really really bad. I keep feeling like I fell out of love and I just have eyes for other people now, and that I would rather be with someone else. It feels like Iām infatuated with other people and it makes me so guilty. Itās been so hard for me because itās hard to tell if itās just my brain convincing me I donāt love my partner or if this is really my desire. The biggest fear I have is hurting my partner, so thereās also a sense of urgency that I need to tell them how Iāve been feeling to prevent myself from leading them on I guess. This is compounded with a history of porn addiction that still affects me and makes me feel like Iām more attracted to others. Has anyone else been in this position? I feel like Iām alone and that this is the sign that Iām terrible and shouldnāt be with my partner and that the end of our relationship is inevitable. I canāt tell if I really love them or not and if I really want to still be with them and I hate that Iām having that doubt.
Right now I feel like Iāve realized something awful. Like maybeā¦ I never truly loved my boyfriend. Maybe in the beginning I was just excited to be in a relationship. Maybe I confused that excitement with real love. And when the intrusive thoughts started, maybe it wasnāt ROCD ā maybe it was the truth hitting me. I write this and it feels real. Thatās the scariest part. It feels calm and clear and like maybe Iāve just been lying to myself all along, holding on because I āshould,ā not because I truly want to. I canāt remember how it felt to love him ā and that makes it worse. I feel so disconnected, so numb, like nothing makes sense anymore. Every time I try to feel something for him, it feels like Iām faking it. Like Iām playing a role, not being myself. But the thing isā¦ Iām not at peace. If this was really the truth, why does it hurt so much? Why does this ārealizationā come with panic, guilt, emptiness, and so much fear? I donāt want to hurt him. I donāt want to lose him. But I also donāt want to keep living like this ā doubting myself, my feelings, and my past. I feel like Iām stuck in a cycle I canāt break, and Iām scared Iāll always feel this way. Has anyone ever felt like this before?
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