- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
Am I danger to society?
I think I have P-OCD. I am scared to be around children, particularly girls. This hasn’t been an issue for a long time. I had it once when I was younger but it’s happening again. Groinal responses. I fucking hate myself for it. My first intrusive sexual thought when I was child was n*crophillia. I don’t know why. What the fuck? I would never touch a child nor will I ever touch a dead body. What’s worse is I get full blown urges! Then I feel like I need to relieve myself because it makes me less anxious. But you see a problem! Does that mean I like those things I described? I don’t know anymore. My parents used to touch me against my consent in my groinal area since I was a baby. That’s why I touch myself a lot to feel less anxious about literally anything. I just hate how my sexual organs react. I actually can’t take it anymore. I am not Jimmy Saville. I’ve never watched CP (the thought of it makes me sick). I have tried to reassure myself by looking at pictures of children in a normal setting. Which was fine. Then I tried to look at bikini ones. I got so weirded out but again, no urges. I am happy from that result. I’m not a menace to society. Then I tried the same with teens. But it gets into a grey area because some of them look like adults. So it takes time to reassure myself (which makes me anxious). But again, I know that there’s just no way I would do that. It’s weird and it feels wrong. Does anyone else have this too? I just don’t understand. I don’t go around playgrounds looking at children. I just get an unwanted response or was it wanted? Because if somehow I am, then I will just end my life. Sorry to trigger anyone.