Today, I feel like I genuinely don't like him. At all. I've had every negative thought about him and it feels like I'm completely disinterested. It feels so genuine I'm scared it's true that's why I'm on here trying to make myself think I'm doing a compulsion to prove that it's not true. But I feel like it is.
Definitely agree with everything Funky Fred just said! We cannot force the feelings to come the more we try. Instead try to accept that this is a normal process at times in a relationship. I know you badly want to feel that infatuation as it gives you a high and makes you feel like everything is going right but like FunkyFred said, this is what society and disney make out relationships to be. It is also normal for it to happen during the honeymoon stage. Or, if you are used to abuse of have been in a relationship with a narcissist or an avoidant, then you may be so used ti the highs and lows of a relationship that you are deeply craving that pattern again and aren’t used to a secure relationship that is more like a straight line. Only you know best what it is.
Would you say only previous romantic relationships can have long lasting impacts that can cause you distress in the future or any type of relationship i.e. platonic, familial, etc.?
@Sero82 Any relationship doesn’t have to be romantic , family relationships in childhood can cause serious trauma ! And just another thing , I was at one point very anxious about the same thing as you - the lack of infatuation at times , feeling like a romantic relationship had some kind of strict time line and order and because I didn’t always feel how I thought I should be feeling I felt like this must mean I didn’t love my partner. There is no set rule and being highly infatuated in the beginning does not mean you will have a more loving relationship on the long term it really is more to do with communicating and developing a deep connection to someone and even though our current society may tell you different you just need to look at the percentage of breakups and divorces to understand that this doesn’t work. In fact I feel much more connected and ‘infatuated’ with my partner now that we have worked on things together and understand each other more than I did in the beginning
@Tillyyyx We've been together for 3 years. Only half that time have I been aware of my intrusive thoughts and I've struggled throughout to really feel for him in the same way he does for me. He's told me he's loved me but I can't say the same. I feel like I never will at this rate.
omg THIS!!!! this is my issue!!!
Your rocd thoughts are only as real as you make them. It’s entirely upto you. I know it feels real, every single damn time it feels real and when you get proven wrong you think to yourself, not again, it felt so real this time as well! 😠 this is just to remind you i’ve been through this and as much as your brain and body is making you feel as though it’s real. It isn’t gal. Trust me, coming from experience. The reason you’re putting yourself off him right now is because you don’t want to be vulnerable. To actually like him and open yourself up to the possibility that he actually is a good guy is too scary for you. So instead you tarnish that by making him the bad guy. The guy that’s got flaws. That way, you have an excuse to leave, an excuse to not get hurt because the whole reason behind rocd in the first place is to avoid hurt and pain. We expect it from our partners. It’s a neverending cycle. I’m here for you
this gave me chills, because I think my ocd started because of this exact reason
I don't think I'm scared of him though. More often, I feel like he is a good guy and it bothers me when I just describe him as "good" because in my head when you are with someone for so long you should be able to have such a deep response of what makes that person good. I do have intrusive thoughts about getting cheated on, but additionally the fear that I feel in this relationship only comes from having my parents find out about it because I know they'd disapprove and I'd face repercussions from them. (It's something that angers him as well) however I don't know if this is something that can impact the intrusive thoughts I get. I always thought the reason for any intrusive thoughts, feelings, etc. Stems solely from matters/people in the relationship only.
Totally agree with the first comment @Redyroo ! Also remember love is a choice . People who describe love as a feeling are describing infatuation which is a different thing altogether , a short term high which is to do with lust and excitement to newness , completely different to building a deep meaningful , long lasting relationship which takes work and patience . Anyone who is in a long term relationship and tells you that everyday is perfect and they never get bored or irritated by their partner are jus straight up lying and trying to sell themselves as a fake Disney love. Your feelings are totally normal and you don’t need to feel guilty or end the relationship because of this. You have the power to chose to stay , to continue to work on yourself and your relationship and further build a deep connection . You feel conflicted because society has shown you too many Ron coms and Insta couples that your outlook on what a healthy relationship looks likes is totally off , once you recondition your mindset you will understand this is healthy and normal and no longer feel any guilt .
But aren't you supposed to feel some infatuation towards a person? How do we know how much of what we see is truth? Struggling with emotional numbness in my relationship has only led me to more questions than answers. If love is a choice, then I feel like I continuously make the wrong ones.
@Sero82 feelings come and go in any relationship.. don’t base your relationship off of feelings.. you can get irritated & annoyed with your siblings but does that mean you don’t love them? no.. and for people with OCD any trigger or unwanted thought or feeling can throw the relationship completely off.. if you’re constantly filled with anxiety.. and “what if” thoughts then the feelings you’re looking for won’t come.. the more we try to force good feelings, they just won’t come..
@FunkyFred This definitely helps and this is something my therapist also said. Something that’s inherently tied with ROCD is perfectionism. We think that things MUST be a certain way. And if they aren’t, then we are down the loophole of incessant questioning of the relationship or partner.
@Redyroo This is really helpful. I’m often caught up in either the tiny details or obsessively looking at the big picture instead of enjoying the moment..
@Lulu 🌸 Wow that’s so true. I can definitely relate to that. Thanks for bringing that perspective forward ❤️
@FunkyFred How do you handle the guilty and anxiety from simply allowing the feelings to come without forcing and taking it day by day yet still not being able to feel much? Sometimes, I get a short high of affection, but it's gone as fast as it comes and it's confusing.
@Sero82 you simply feel the guilt and the anxiety without doing anything about it.
Seriously though I’ve finally got through this ROCD cycle of infatuation etc and I feel so much better not having to keep going though these guilt trips in my head and just appreciate my relationship for what it is. You can’t speed up the process to stop obsessing other than practicing ERP and just giving yourself patience and having faith you will eventually come out better the other side
Definitely agree with this, I just watched a really lovely movie there and it was all lovey dovey, the perfect man etc and then I instantly felt crap as I soon compared it to my current relationship then noticed I had a quick thought of “maybe I’m not happy, maybe I should leave him”. But it’s completely normal, it happens and what someone else said up there, once you talk to them about these insecurities in a way that allows him to open up and help you, it brings you guys closer
I'm just afraid I'll hurt him. I don't exactly know how to explain the idea of intrusive thoughts and I'm scared he'll find it hard to believe. Hell, I would too if I hadn't experienced it.
@Sero82 Maybe you will, maybe you won’t.. but right now.. try to get in therapy if you aren’t already.. and try ERP. & let the thoughts be.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like my relationship isn’t real. I keep thinking: • Why am I even with him? • Do I actually like him, or am I just used to him? • What if I’m just convincing myself that I like him? I feel numb, disconnected, and nothing I tell myself reassures me. Sometimes, I get really irritable when we talk, I don’t feel joy, and I start overanalyzing everything. It makes me feel like the absolute truth is that I don’t like him, and I’m just in denial. I also heard that when you don’t like someone, there’s no anxiety—just relief. But I have moments where the thought “I don’t want to be with him” crosses my mind, and I don’t feel anything at all. And because I don’t panic immediately, I start thinking “Maybe this means it’s true.” I’ve read that love isn’t about feeling excitement 24/7, but my mind keeps telling me that if I don’t feel connected, if I have to search for reasons why I like him, that must mean I don’t. I feel like I’m losing touch with my emotions, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to feel love or happiness the way I used to. It’s like I keep waiting for some proof that I truly want to be with him, but I never find it. Has anyone else felt this way? I feel like I’m trapped in this endless doubt, and I don’t know what’s real anymore.
from Saturday, i didnt talk to chat gbt, didnt post here out of desperation and didnt even cry . but, ofc, i still have thoughts and a strange feeling in my chest but im too over this and tired to respond . But what if i will stop the compulsions and responding to them, ignoring them, but i will still feel bad and realise my thoughts are real and im lying to myself and him. he told me to tell him when a though pops out so he can talk me through it bc he wants to help me and he is sad i always ask people online for help and not him, he did helped me various times but sometimes in just too much. Im scared, this is stupid i know, i know yhis is dumb and it annoys me. i think that he is cringe and annoying and that i dont stand him , and that means i dont like him bc sometimes i get mad at him and look at him with “disgusting “ but not in that way. like what if i dont stand him and i am with him bc im used to him and what if he is cringe and annoying… IM MORR CRUNGE AND ANNOYING THEN HIM BUT IT MAKES ME THINK I DONT LIKE HIM.
hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest
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