Mary Hinchliffe
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
EvmeisterEvmeister
- Date posted
- 3y
You will be okay Mary, I have ocd too. This trial you are going through will pass.
Mary HinchliffeMary Hinchliffe
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
I know it will pass but I can't deal with it now
outdoormanoutdoorman
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey! I’m not a therapist, just simply someone who recovered and receives excellent advice from great mental health practitioners. I’m always willing to give advice. When you say “My biggest fear is not being able to control OCD” what exactly do you mean by that? As in having a thought and it actually happening?
Mary HinchliffeMary Hinchliffe
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
No, I mean my biggest fear is that I'll be stuck in my obsessions and unable to utilise erp
outdoormanoutdoorman
- Date posted
- 3y
@Mary Hinchliffe I understand… So what found extremely helpful in my journey of recovery was- realizing 2 very important things. 1 is realizing you are not your thoughts. Ever since I was little, I always thought whatever happened in my head was of great importance. I always thought that defined me in one way or another. If I had a thought that I labeled as “bad” or “intrusive” than I had to do something to alter that thought. I HAD to feel better. I didn’t like anxiety, so I have to do something to feel better. I would talk to myself and ruminate how to change my thought or seek mental reassurance. I would ask others what they thought of me. I would constantly check to see if my anxiety was still there. We know these are all compulsions. But when I was younger, I just thought that was completely normal. Through therapy and research, I’ve realized that thoughts are simply just thoughts. They are something your brain is naturally going to do. There is actually no such thing as an OCD thought. When you are driving down the road and have a thought about swerving onto the other side of the road and crashing into someone… realize that is a thought. You label that thought as something bad and terrible. But now realize you labeling that thought is a compulsion. You don’t have to label your thoughts. There’s no such thing as an irrational thought or a rational thought. They are all the same. It’s your actions that matter in life. You have the choice to act. You have the choice to perform a compulsion or not. Your brain knows you don’t like the feeling of anxiety, so it’s going to do the thing it knows to do best.. and that’s to perform a compulsion to make you feel better. Your brain is just trying to be helpful, and protect you. That’s really what an anxiety disorder is in a nut shell. The 2nd concept I found helpful was realizing what actually is acceptance. You will here all the time, “You need to just accept the thought and accept the anxiety” That’s all great, but how do I do this!? I realized I was actually quite good at accepting things that don’t necessarily bother me, or that I find I like. For example- Go outside and accept the trees. How do you accept trees? You accept the trees by not doing anything, right? Acceptance is actually the practice of NOT doing anything. You’re probably really good at this, because I was too. You don’t go outside and label the trees as “bad” trees and spend all your time and energy on hating the trees. So don’t spend your time and energy labeling the thoughts in your head and giving it focus. So you being worried about being stuck in your obsessions and unable to utilize ERP is simply a thought. It’s ok if that makes you anxious. You can feel anxiety. It’s a perfectly natural reaction. Can you let that thought be there without reacting and continue doing what you value? Absolutely. It takes practice, but something you’re completely capable of. The road to great mental health is having any thought, feeling or sensation and continue doing what you value in life. 😊
Mary HinchliffeMary Hinchliffe
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y
@outdoorman Thank you so much. I really value what you've written especially as you clearly took the time to help me as it's a long message! I find myself having brain freeze which makes it hard to continue what I'm doing.
Related posts
Duke2020!
- Date posted
- 23w
Help
This is really ruining me and I’m at the lowest point of this. I’m not suicidal or anything and I’m not depressed but I can’t bear with this anymore. POCD is the worst ocd I’ve ever dealt with and I’m too scared to tell a therapist about this. What do I do
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 23w
religious OCD
Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help
jupiter
- Date posted
- 20w
I don’t know how to live anymore
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond