Sexual orientation OCD

So I’m a straight female and but I watch both straight and lesbian porn. Both types of porn turn me on however in real life I am only physically attracted to men. The fact I watched lesbian porn never used to bother me until I went through a recently stressful period in my life and came off my meds. The OCD came back and is now making me question if I’m straight or not? And the existential question of ‘if I’m not attracted to females in real life then why am I watching lesbian porn and enjoying it?’ Please please help

Sexual Orientation OCD

prostomagica

Date posted: 3y

People of the same orientation can be aroused by materials of the opposite orientation, because people are sexy. But this does not mean that they are obliged to act in accordance with the video materials that aroused them. And if you are turned on by these materials, it does not mean that you are a lesbian.

Remz

Date posted: 3y

I try to tell myself that but then my brain says it’s an excuse (I wish I was attracted to women so I could make sense of it!!! Would be sooo much easier to understand it then)

prostomagica

Date posted: 3y

@Remz I have a similar situation. Only I'm a bisexual woman with an obsessive fear of becoming straight. My brain also says that this is an excuse and that I should only love men. I realized one thing, the more we try to prove something to the brain after the trigger, the more obsessions it causes. Try not to prove anything to yourself, to stay in the unknown. It's hard for me to do it myself.

Remz

Date posted: 3y

@prostomagica Yeah I totally get you. I just find it so hard not to feed in to it because I really struggle with uncertainty and it scares me I’m now applying the logic of I can’t tell what/who I’m attracted to just by looking at it anymore and I feel like I’m losing my identity

Remz

Date posted: 3y

@prostomagica Yeah I totally understand that, there’s still such a stigma attached to being bi or gay but I’m from the UK and luckily things seem to be going in the right direction here for LGBTQ+ people so it’s not that I am bi and in the closet as I wouldn’t be scared to come out, it’s more so the fact that I get turned on by girls in porn and not in real life and I can’t make sense of it and I feel the need to make sense of everything :(( Don’t worry, you haven’t came across rude - you have been very helpful :))

prostomagica

Date posted: 3y

@Remz As I read the therapist, you need to let go of the opportunity to look for an answer right here and now, because OCD requires it. It is necessary to accept uncertainty. And don't avoid triggers. I admit it's very difficult, but I think we can handle it. I wish you good luck. Thank you!

Anonymousk

Date posted: 3y

I feel you on this! I’ve watched both as well and enjoyed both but only liked men in real life too. The problem for me is my head is convincing me that because I’ve watched that content that I’d actually want to have sex with a woman and I know I don’t actually want to act on it but the “feelings” are feeling so real and it gets me so confused and I don’t want to act on my thoughts but everytime I say that it feels like I’m denying it or not accepting it. I’m like how tho if I’ve only ever liked men. I’m scared now tho because I can’t tell what’s real or not anymore :(

Remz

Date posted: 3y

This is exactly how I feel so you’re definitely not alone. A lot of my friends that are girls have said they watch lesbian porn also and are only attracted to guys but the problem with my stupid brain is I can’t just accept that lots of people do it, I have spiralled into lots of scenarios and ‘what if’s’ because my porn preference doesn’t align with what I’m attracted to in the flesh

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

Needing SO OCD Advice

I went out last night with a couple of girlfriends. One of them is contemplating divorcing her husband bc of a drinking problem (she is straight) and made a joke about running off and joining the “lesbian island”. She then continues to say “making out with a girl is one thing” but that she could never actually BE with a woman sexually, etc. Well… this has triggered my SO OCD significantly because I’m thinking, well why does she think it’s okay to just kiss/make-out if she doesn’t identity as bisexual? I mean she is beautiful and I’ve heard all my straight friends say the same thing. So I start to worry by thinking, well I find her very attractive - does that mean I want to make out with her and see what she’s talking about? Just to note, I also identify as straight and am married. So this is just so damn frustrating and confusing. Especially bc society shows women kissing all the time on reality tv shows etc (who present themselves as straight). So now I’m having intrusive thoughts and making myself think sexual things to “check” if I’m still straight. Ughh..any advice would be greatly appreciated. And if someone could please explain why a straight woman would make such a comment - that would be very helpful.

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 19w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

Masc4lesb

Date posted: 16w

LESBIAN WITH SO-OCD

hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd

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