- Username
- zidzad1
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Answering this question will feed ocd. ‘Is it normal if’ is a compulsion because if someone tells you that it is normal- then you will feel relieved that your thoughts aren’t real and it’s just ocd. What you really need to work on is thinking “it’s not normal that my ocd started from gay porn”- and then NOT freaking out about it. It’s just another thought, another idea. You’re on a quest for a conclusion right now just like someone with POCD needs to know if they’re really a pedophile or someone with ROCD needs to know if they don’t actually love their partner. The point is NOT coming to an answer (it would be impossible). The point is handling the super realistic and/or scary thoughts with a pervasive indifference. This requires you to be brave, but will also free you from the chains of ocd. You can do it!!
Leah, you are seriously the wisest person here. You know exactly what to say. It’s like a priviledge to have you Comment on someone’s post, because you always know the right thing to say. Thank you for being you!
@idont241 That is the sweetest thing ever, you just made my entire day? I promise I’m not though, I just love sharing the realizations I come to every day! We’re all struggling with the same things!!❤️
Seriously you are so wise! You are like the person we look up too. It’s like you have the key to success and you are teaching use how to use it. I seriously can’t say this enough, you are a wonderful person!
You are so sweet? I appreciate it so much. I love that we can help each other
I just can’t deal with the groinal responses they feel too real
This is the same as someone freaking out when they see their hand twitch on the steering wheel, after having a thought of driving themselves off the road. Their hand moved right? That means it’s specifically tied to the thought and that deep down they actually want to die! Right?? In ANY situation where you don’t want to have a groinal response, you are going to zero in and focus on it. Our nervous systems take that hyper awareness and focus and sends sensory impulses to that area-just by thinking of it! The more we think “no no no please no response”, the stronger they are going to start feeling to us. And even worse- attach an actual meaning to it. I mean we are so damn scared of it, it must mean something right?? You are literally TELLING your brain it means something by fabricating and labeling these things as evidence. You’re working as a secretary for your ocd. In actuality, real life, its just another meaningless physiological reaction.
How do you know this there’s no scientific evidence
“Scientific Evidence”= seeking certainty. Unless you stop doing that, ocd will have a hold on you forever. There’s no certainty. https://youtu.be/_08KZqk5Lnw Chrissie Hodges explains this well because she’s gone through it herself. Make sure you step back and evaluate what exactly you’re looking for and if it will strengthen or weaken your ocd. You have to decide when you’re going to be on the path towards recovery.
Just thought I’d share my story so far with you all and maybe see if anyone’s had similar stuff :) I had been completely straight my whole life. I’m 18 now but had had multiple girlfriends who I was very much into. I was never into guys. I was very stressed for my exams and ended up going to see Bohemian Rhapsody with some friends to chill. After seeing heaps of gay-Esque things in the film the thought popped into my head “what if I’m gay or bi” and then that’s when it started. (This was 3 months ago) I then found myself unable to hang out with my guy friends because every time I saw them I would get anxious I was attracted to them. I moved past this but I’m still constantly having an internal reasoning battle with myself about wether or not I’m into men. I then noticed a huge lack in sex drive towards women as well which scared me because being into women was a huge part of me. I have never been aroused by or enjoyed thinking about men sexually or romantically though this is what the intrusive thoughts were. This leads me to my main point which is porn. I was a heavy porn user before the ocd and I was starting to find Normal straight porn not as good. I had been watching more kinky shit eg step sibling stuff etc. I have watched gay porn multiple times since the HOCD. **potential trigger/ graphic warning ahead** and had finished both times. It happened very quickly and I just felt terrible after. I tell myself that I finished because of just the pure taboo nature of it and it was what the ocd wanted me to do since whenever I’d tried to arouse myself to men in a non pornographic way nothing had ever worked. Also when I was watching I wasn’t particularly focused on like the men themselves like I would with women when I watched straight porn. It was all very traumatising and I have to keep stopping myself from checking again to see if my reaction changes :( I’ve been meditating a lot and I’m about to start ERP on here and with my psychologist (who diagnosed me with ocd) But yeah just was wondering if anyone had anything similar with the porn thing just so I can figure out if it’s denial or whatever :) I don’t think it’s a coincidence with timing either since this all happened during exams.
Does anyone else avoid people of the same sex when their HOCD flares up??? I’ve always unfollowed girls on my instagram that I thought were attractive because I was scared of liking them / and I didn’t want to see them because it made me think I found them attractive and stuff. Is this normal or is it just me being scared of admitting i’m gay? HOCD is so frustrating and confusing sometimes. Am I just scared of my truth☹️?
To start off I am a female, I have been dealing with HOCD since I was 14 years old in late 2015. My HOCD has been on and off the past few years but late December of 2021 it came back. I feel that the start of My HOCD came from childhood same-sex experimentation and p*rn*graphy. I occasionally watched porn but not all of the time. Sometimes I would watch lesbian p*rn and straight p*rn and I would be aroused to both. I stopped watching porn after I turned 14. Even though the experiences that I’ve had led me to having HOCD, I have always been a straight female. I am attracted to males, have feelings and have only been in relationships with males. I start therapy in two weeks I’m ready but I’m also afraid. I’m scared that it won’t help and I’ll feel like this for the rest of my life. Right now im scared because I feel that the same-sex childhood experimentation and p*rn*graphy makes me feel that I am lesbian, but I am not nor do I want to be.
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