intrusive thoughts worst they’ve been in 7 years

hey y’all, idk why but i just started experiencing the worst harm ocd thoughts ever for the first time since i was 12. i’ve been getting them for years but i knew how to ignore them but for the past 5ish days they’ve been pretty harmful and makes me not wanna enjoy life :/ i think it’s because my life has been going amazing, my mother quit smoking which is something i’ve wanted, i have a great new job, and these thoughts are attacking me based on my worst fears. i hate it because i was so happy literally a week ago. i’ve been getting better but now i have intense guilt because my thoughts have been about hurting others and myself, hurting people i LOVE and would never wanna hurt. i hate it because when i have the thoughts it almost feels like it’s an “urge” and not a thought when i know it’s not, it freaks me out so badly and i just wanted to know if anyone else gets thoughts that are like “do this” instead of “what if you did this?” because it’s incredibly horrible. they turned into suicidal intrusive thoughts that were telling me i should die so i don’t hurt anybody else and i almost panicked and cried in the bathroom at work :/ please tell me this goes away through time. i miss my life. i miss being happy without these compulsions. when i try to do the things i enjoy my brain goes “are you just gonna act like you weren’t gonna kill someone or yourself? yeah you were. you were gonna do it you weirdo. youre sick. people love you and you think about hurting them. everybody hates you you shouldn’t have fun” it’s literally JUST like that and it makes me feel insane. pls tell me someone relates. i’ve talked to my mom about it bc she has ocd but she has a different form and i just don’t want her to think i’d actually hurt her :/

Harm OCD

username255

Date posted: 3y

thoughts can come in any shape!! i definitely have had thoughts of “do this” “kill them” “slap them” “do it” etc. intrusive as HELLLL. haha but yes! please look into therapy, the sooner the better!! ERP will work wonders and truly the sooner the better i cannot stress it enough, because then it won’t get as severe. mine started with hurting my mom and then turned to suicidal intrusive thoughts!! i get it i wouldn’t wish it on anyone. you’re doing great. you can get your life back OCD loves to make an appearance when we’re thriving 🙄

anongemini

Date posted: 3y

omg i feel like me and you are the SAME, this makes me feel so much better to see someone have thoughts like mine. luckily my thoughts have been chilling out for the past day or 2 so i don’t feel as crazy, but i’m still gonna talk to my therapist about it incase it comes back :)

username255

Date posted: 3y

@anongemini so glad they slowed down for you!! but yes it’s annoying it feels as if someone is just gonna hijack my body and scared i’d lose control!! i completely understand and you’re not alone

anongemini

Date posted: 3y

@username255 NO LITERALLY ME TOOOOO

username255

Date posted: 3y

@anongemini why our brains like this😂😂 “like no janet im not gonna kill my mom” sometimes it’s too intense to joke with it but majority of the time i just use humor OCD is just annoying and i give it too much credit for ruining my life lmao

anongemini

Date posted: 3y

@username255 so i also have adhd and i took adderall for the first time and for some reason, for the most part, i could handle my thoughts way better 😭 very weird

username255

Date posted: 3y

@anongemini i’ve heard meds for adhd calm thoughts overall so that would definitely make sense. if you don’t mind me asking what made you get diagnosed with adhd?

anongemini

Date posted: 3y

@username255 i couldn’t focus on school work at all, and my brain has always been like at 100 places at once, i couldn’t sit still half the time and i forgot a lot 😭 just a bunch of symptoms of it and i didn’t even realize until my roommate who had ADHD told me she would bet her life that I had it because her whole family had it as well so i decided to get checked for it because i already was slacking in school

lu22

Date posted: 23w

I really need advice harm ocd

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

flowerpetals

Date posted: 21w

frustrating

harm ocd is the bane of my existence. people always tell me that if you have anxiety over a thought, that’s ocd. and these intrusive thoughts cause me IMMENSE anxiety. i’m constantly looking for reasons why i’m not what these thoughts tell me i am. but WHY DOES IT FEEL SO REAL?? it’s like i can’t reassure myself that this isn’t me and i don’t want to do it, but i also look for reasons why it’s not me. my brain is constantly telling me “if you don’t act on this, you’ll never feel free”. WHAT EVEN IS THAT?? and why does it feel real?? anytime i think about getting therapy, i constantly think that it’s not going to help me positively but help me realize i am this person. i just wish someone with harm ocd could get into my brain, understand me, and tell me everything will be okay. i wish someone in recovery could tell me that they’ve been where i am, felt the same feelings, thought the same thoughts, and got through it when they thought they wouldn’t. i feel like i’m drowning in it. another thing is i think about how my mom knows a surface level understanding to this form of my ocd, but if she knew it all, i’m scared she’d never look at me the same. i’m scared she’d be scared of me and think i need psychiatric help. IM TERRIFIED.

Harm OCD

samlovesjesus

Date posted: 21w

rough few weeks

man these few weeks have been so hard. i’m in the process of getting diagnosed with ocd, im almost positive i have it because everything on here relates to me on an insane level. but im just so scared dude. these thoughts of me harming someone are so scary and im so scared im gonna eventually act on them and i know i never want to but its still so scary. like sometimes when i talk to my mom about it i think in the back of my head “you know you want to” when i dont, and it makes me think or gets me scared that i do. these thoughts literally just happened out of nowhere and it messes me up so bad my literal perspective on life in general is just messed up. like i view life as its more common to be a bad person and its rare/hard to be good. can someone please just pray for me or just wish me better days. i dont even like looking at myself anymore and im scared i give off creepy vibes to myself or others now, this sucks so much

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intrusive thoughts worst they’ve been in 7 years

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