Why…

Luckily my wife is in graduate school for psychology so she has a good understanding of ocd and particularly rocd. We talk all the time about it and she checks in on me periodically to make sure I’m not spiraling off the deep end. I’m super lucky to have her. It’s just like, why can’t I feel it? Ya know?

That's rough man. I first felt it when my first kid was born. It took about a year and a half to fully surface after that but it never went away. I went through it for a year with his mom until she left. I got into another relationship afterwards that was normal fun and dating at first and I though that maybe I didn't have ROCD and it really was just intuition. As soon as we started to commit the thoughts and feelings came right back like they never left. It's been almost 3 years with her now. We just had a daughter on Mother's day May 8th this year and it has been very hard for both of us.

To me the hardest part is not being able to invest my head and heart into it being OCD and not the truth.

I feel you. I struggle with this all the time. You are not alone!

Me too

I feel you dude, how long have you too been together? When did your ROCD start to surface?

We have been together for over 10 years, married for 7. Looking back on past relationships, I see similar issues but in this particular relationship, it got really bad when my wife got pregnant with our first daughter and she turned 7 in April.

Does your wife know about the way you feel and the stuff you go through?

Yes, I do know. I will say however, that I have done more personal growing through this pain then I ever have at any other point in my life. Do you feel like it's been a constant misery these last 7 years?

No, I have been in therapy since I was a teenager for depression/anxiety/ocd, I’m 35 now, and have come a long way. I used to have bad days/weeks/months and now I have bad moments. I have intrusive thoughts daily but most of the time, I can cope with them. I have an unrealistic idea of what “love” is, like a Disney movie, compounded by what I grew up with regarding my parents disaster of a relationship.

God. I can't imagine going through this for that long. Has it always been rocd for you or has there been other themes?

My main theme is relationships but I’ve had harm, real even and sexual orientation but those come and go. Rocd is my constant.

Have you gone through this through multiple relationships?

Yep. Sure have.

I feel ya on that one. I struggle with it all the time. It’s just part of the ocd game.