Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

I feel disgusted.

ZOCD 18+ TRIGGER WARING I was moving my water over too my side of the bed, and my dog was laying in the middle of the bed and I didn’t feel like telling her too move and I when i reached over hear my private part touched her and I don’t know if it’s because I felt my area touch her when i was reaching across the bed too put my water there but it felt like I wanted too keep my area there and had this weird feeling and as soon as I felt that I quickly moved, and now i’m scared and worried that I didn’t move fast enough, that I should’ve just moved her towards the bottom of the bed, I know I didn’t intentionally go into that wanting to do that, but those feelings just bothered me, I feel awful and Now i don’t even wanna pet my dog, I feel sick and disgusted😭

Harm OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

can someone please talk to me

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

i’m so scared

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

But i still feel horrible, I was never like this before I just want my old self back

worthless

Date posted: 3y

I can relate

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

this sucks, and i’m scared.. I feel so alone

Zoë_84

Date posted: 3y

I suffer from ZOCD, too and I had those same issues around my cat...

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

i have had thoughts before but haven’t had a response like that, i should have just moved her, and now i’m worried, and i feel disgusted.

Zoë_84

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous I know what you mean, it's awful... I am total cat person, I knew that I will never be able to live without a cat and now I'm living without one for round about 16 years... OCD took my life away, it cost me so much, my friends, partner, my cat, peace of mine, the ability to be carefree... I suffered enough, I suffered for most of my life, it's just not fair... I really get angry, when I see what others have and I seem to not be able to have those things, too.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@Zoë_84 it sucks. and with my ocd it’s like with certain things I do, or i’ll look at something or lay a certain way and my leg will be touching my dog and intrusive thoughts will be like your doing that because of “this” and since i am on medication my thoughts are really quiet so sometimes it’s hard to make out what the thought was, or what i’m feeling anxious about, like just now i flipped my hair over my shoulder and it said I was doing that because I was trying to be hot towards my dog, so it really sucks and if I would have gotten help along time ago I for sure wouldn’t be in the spot i’m in today. Although medication works and it lessens the thoughts and anxiety and the feeling of obsessing over something it still happenes and it’s most definitely not easy, and you are such a strong person. don’t give up I know how hard it is, I know.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous and also I find my intrusive thoughts too bother me more when i’m just doing normal things, because it feels like i’m “acting” on them but when in reality i’m just trying too go about my day, idk if this makes any kind of sense but yeah. like just normal things.. it’s really hard because with ocd there’s nothing too figure out and I think growing up i’ve always been the one too try too figure it out because I’d obesse over everything, i’d obesse how I was feeling, i thought I was gonna die 24/7, I thought if i didn’t pray a certain way then it didn’t count, i thought just because I seen a spider on the ground or in my car that it bit me, or if i had any kind of bug bite i thought that i was gonna die because some bugs are poisonous, I thought I was gonna go blind at the beach because how bright the sun was, I was always worried about passing out, I was worried that just because my mom used bleach i somehow touched the places she used it and i was gonna die, and now it’s gotten too the point too where reassurance doesn’t even work, so i’m constantly making these thoughts and etc not what ocd is making it out to be ya know? which i know is a compulsion because it makes me feel better and that’s why i’m still obsessing over so much, and that’s why new thoughts come in.. or if i lay a certain way it means this, if i didn’t touch something the “right way” i wouldn’t have that just right feeling, I could go on and on…. one time i was so obsessed about my breathing it felt like i was gonna stop breathing, or i was focused on my heart and how slow or fast it was beating.. anyways sorry for the long rant, but I have been through so much mentally and have just gotten through it all with “oh well if you ask your mom or your family if your gonna be okay then you have nothing to worry about” ever since i was little… it’s just crazy.

Zoë_84

Date posted: 3y

I got help, I went to a privat clinic, but it's still there... OCD... but no one else... I'm so angry and sad, that everyone cut me out of their lives, or if they haven't made clear, that my issues are nothing they want to talk about...

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

I understand… I really do. When all of this first started happening with me I reached out too someone and they connected me with these people that asked me a bunch of questions, and it was really scary because I didn’t know why i was having these thoughts or why these feelings was involved within the thoughts, and the first person i talked too told me too stay away from kids, and then the second person did as well… and i felt like they was just saying that so I wasn’t triggering myself but another part of me felt like they was saying that because they thought i was a horrible person. I mean even the lady told me “stay away from kids too protect yourself and them” and i told her I didn’t even wanna be around kids, and then I asked her if she thought i was a horrible person and she said I wasn’t but it’s still something that bothers me, but I have had 4 other people tell me that it’s ocd but I also had too explain to them all the other themes I have had before, and I think with the first 2 people I have talked too I didn’t tell them about the thoughts I have had previous because of how much of a emotional wreck I was in..

Zoë_84

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous I had OCD before and I got diagnosed that what I suffer from starting when I was 21 is also OCD, but I had one therapists, who said it wasn't OCD, but he had no idea about OCD, he asked me who thought me my compulsions and said that me not believing what I see means I have a schizo typical disorder... well, I know what I see, I just don't trust it and am uncertain... He really messed me up :( The OCD therapist I saw in a clinic after told me to never ever go back to that therapist...

Arsi

Date posted: 3y

This is completely normal for OCD. The fact that you’re freaking out and feel disgusted shows that it’s not who you are

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

yeah, it just bothers me when my feelings and sensations get involved, it’s so hard for me too tell what’s real and what’s not..

Arsi

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous I experience that almost daily. You’re not alone. You’re a good person

emma345

Date posted: 20w

Scared to interact with my cat because of zocd

NSFW 17f So basically I did something sexual to the cat when I was younger. It wasn't like full on bestiality, my privates weren't touching the cat and I wasn't touching the cats privates but it was still sexual. I didn't know what I was doing was wrong. It didn't harm the cat in any way, but of course it's still horrible. So I developed real event ocd that ruined my life complitely. Most of the time I don't think I will male it to 20. Sometimes it's a living hell. I developed it more than a year ago and I barely even remember this year cause I was so consumed with guilt it was the only thing in my head. So i also developed zoophilia ocd because of it. And I feel so bad cause I can't interact with my cat anymore. Because she wants to and I have to ignore her. Slowly I started to be scared to let her on my bed. So I stopped. Then in my room. Stopped doing that too. I still tried to give her some attention just outside of my room. Then I got scared to touch her. So I stopped doing that, but I used her brush to pet her with it and her toys to play with her so i don't physically touch her. Then my ocd went like but what if you are subconsciously using her for sexual gratification when you look at her? So now I can't even look at my cat. I look away when she is around, block my sight with a hand, close my eyes or if I can I leave. But the heartbreaking part is. Before I remembered what I did I was giving my cat a lot of attention. Like everyone says I'm her favorite and she only allows me to hold her and pet her the certain ways. So for all that time she is desperately trying to get my attention. She jumps on my rooms door, meows for a long time, tries to sneak in my room and stuff like that. And It's so sad I just have to ignore her. Especially cause she doesn't understands why. She was getting so much love and then randomly she is being ignored?? idk her real age cause we took her from the street, but she lives with us for 13 years, so she is not young. She is pretty healthy so I don't think she is going to die any soon but still. if I never get over it she will spend her last years of life ignored. and this makes me want to cry and want to throw up. but I don't know what to do. if I touch her I start freaking out and convincing myself that I used her somehow for sexual stuff even if I didn't do anything like that. I'm so scared. and also sad for her. and I miss my cat tbh. like everhtime I have to close my door when she tried to enter I feel so bad. but I'm so scared. because after what I did to her I'm already a monster. I don't want to add anything else. but I also feel bad for ignoring her.

dee012

Date posted: 16w

pocd real event :(

feels like I violated a family friends son who is 10 years old because I was holding a kitty on my lap and they were scratching under the cats chin and I went to scratch under the cats chin as well but we ended up touching hands bc we were both scratching under but like I didn’t care bc I was just like awww kitty or whatever but then when we touched hands and he moved his hand away it freaked me out like I did something bad or violated him. It felt like I cupped and grazed his hand because I went to scratch under the cats chin but he was doing so as well. And when he moved his hand away it like slid past my hand and it just made me feel like I did something weird. Some people would be able to do this and not freak out and even continue scratching under the cats chin with the little boy and not care but I care and it’s making me feel really weird and bad. And also him moving his hand away when I touched it makes me feel like I did something bad. This all happened in a span of a literal second and I just want to disappear

emma345

Date posted: 16w

Please help zocd

tw: nsfw 17f I have a real even ocd from a sexual event with an animal (my cat) from where I was younger. Remembering it ruined my life and made it a living hell. It was bad. It's not one of those innocent events people always assume because I have ocd and then they get all surprised when it was actually bad and sexual. (animal wasn't harmed though) So basically I developed I fear of interacting or even looking at animals after I remembered so I was avoiding my cat like crazy, but then I realized that it's cruel to ignore an animal who wants love and attention, so I forced myself to overcome it kinda. I basically downloaded a habit tracker where I mark when I was able to pet my cat cause while it's triggering I want to give my cat love and I'm trying to pet her everyday So yesterday I was petting the cat. And she was extremely enthusiastic about it. Like she was almost throwing herself on me to get more pets like kinda agressive at this point to get pets. I started thinking how animals go in heat in spring. But she is like sterilized so I wasnt sure its possible for her. Like maybe they are just more active in spring? But what if the pets are somehow sexual for the cat? Then I thought maybe I shouldn't pet her then cause that's wrong. But then I thought like who cares and also then it will be like this the whole spring should I just not touch her the whole spring and ignore her again? I was also tired a bit so I wasn't thinking it all through that much Now I'm freaking out so bad. Like I knew there was a possibility that it was sexual for the cat and still continued petting her I didn't stop. It's so bad. Like I thought its whatever since it's not sexual for me but now I'm freaking out. Like the whole me being a better person and learning on my mistakes after that one earlier event was for nothing if I was able to do something like this I'm freaking out so bad

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