Today my HOCD feel so real… I can’t reassure myself. It’s like a evidence that im gay but i feel so bad. My brain make some scenario with women and i believe that i like it. And when i want to imagine with boy i feel nothing. I can’t think about my boyfriend… When im thinking about him i don’t feel anything and my brain tell me that im living in a lie. Do you have some days like that? How can i stop thinking that ??
I had days like that, but don't believe your brain. Sometimes I freak out when I don't feel fear with the intrusive thoughts, but it's just in your head even if it feels real. What I try to believe is this: 1. Sexuality never changes (if you liked boys, nothing will change that even if it looks like that) 2. You decide what and whom you want. I read on multiple sites that Love is a choice! So if you love your boyfriend and want to be with him, you need to make him your choice every day. And on days when you feel like you don't, you need to try your best to love him even more. :) 3. I try to get to believe an affirmation 'I am straight, I love my boyfriend and I am happy with him.'... It's hard and I am still at the beginning, but when it's though I will remember a saying "Fake it till you make it" Good luck, we will get over it and be happy again. ☺️
This helped me out a lot thank you.
yes thank you !!
Hello ! The only thing you should do is to accept uncertainty, as difficult as it sounds. When the intrusive thoughts come to you, tell them "maybe yes, maybe not". I was feeling like you do some months ago, thinking that it couldnt work for me... but actually I have everyday less intrusive thoughts and I feel way better with myself and with my bf. Also, try to stop reassurance, as difficult as it is. Or try to wait before doing it. You're stronger than you OCD. You can do it !! Believe in yourself !
Yeah that's basically how I feel today
Same
HOCDers: do any of you ever go through moments that feel like realisation or discovery of being gay (I hate this so much because I know I’m not) Also does your ocd ever make you feel funny about being straight when you know you are? Sometimes if I say to myself ‘I’m straight’ I get a sensation that isn’t quite anxiety, I don’t know if it’s a longing/missing just knowing?
HOCD, ROCD and TOCD . . . So my OCD recently all began with ROCD, I felt guilty all the time with my boyfriend, I wanted to stay with him so bad and I love him so much but my anxiety kept telling me to leave and that something wasn't right, that I'm going to be alone forever. Then my HOCD came up, "something doesn't seem right, what if you're actually gay?" and I struggled with this for about 2-3 months. After accepting that even if I am gay, I'm staying with my boyfriend.. The theme of being a transgender came up. That was the absolute worst of them all. It was at a time my anxiety was at its Peak so I was feeling disassociated and my mind just tried to explain that feeling as "you're in the wrong body". I was thoroughly convinced I was a man in a girls body for a solid 3 weeks, I woke up and that was the first thing on my mind "your a man and now youre going to lose your boyfriend, your life and everything that makes you, you." I didn't want to be a man, but my mind was saying "too bad, you are". I eventually went to therapy for this feeling, (they didn't diagnose me with OCD so they weren't treating me as an OCD patient) the thoughts eventually went away but now I'm back on my HOCD. Ive now thorougly convinced myself that I'm gay and will be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don't want to be and this thought scares me. I want to be with my boyfriend, not a woman. But my mind is saying "too bad, just accept that your a lesbian, you're in denial, just come out" but I don't want to be a lesbian ? can anyone relate to the feeling of convincing yourself to the point where you believe it?
So my hocd started over 2 years ago (I’m 20 yrs old now), when I was having a conversation with one of my friends and the thought popped into the back of my head what if the reason I don’t have a crush on any guys at my high school is because I’m a lesbian. Since then my sexuality has been on my mind 24/7 I didn’t know this was ocd until about a year ago but i’m only seeking treatment now. The hocd ramped up when I felt super aroused watching a movie with topless women, something that had never happened when watching men. Thing is I genuinely think I’m gay now, I’ve had this for so long that at first the thoughts disgusted me and caused me anxiety but now they don’t anymore. I saw so many tiktok videos about “pipelines” of certain interests gay people have that triggered me and read the comphet masterdoc which made me cry when I read it because I related to so much of it. When I was a child I was never boy crazy, I never really crushed on boys in my class (to be fair there were only 7) however I do remember writing a love note to a boy in first grade and having an immense celebrity crush on a disney channel star. I remember to certain things I did as a child that lead me to think I am gay and they keep replaying over and over in my head. Thing is over the past year I’ve had crushes on 3 guys I’ve met through dating apps. The last one I actually hung out with and I had my first kiss/makeout session 2 months ago. After that my hocd calmed down I enjoyed kissing him it felt euphoric the whole drive home just replaying our dates in my head. But now I can’t get the thought out of my head what if I didn’t like it enough? I didn’t get butterflies when we kissed (i do when I think back about it though) and didnt feel super aroused like that time I watched that movie. I feel nothing when I look at pictures and videos of men but with women I started getting this warm feeling in my chest which stressed me out even more. Idk what I am anymore and it is driving me insane. Does anyone relate?
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