I am ruining my relationship as I can’t stop mentioning my boyfriends ex. And got it into my head he’s cheated on mr with her. I am going on and on and have it in my head that I have to message her for confirmation and reassurance even though there’s no evidence he has cheated
Hi Hannah. OCD is a very persuasive liar, that I can tell you from experience. What I can also tell you is that asking for reassurance is making your OCD STRONGER. Any compulsion makes OCD stronger because it is telling the brain that the intrusive thought is important when in reality it is not. It is simply a false alarm in our OCD brain that is going off, like an annoying car alarm. We cannot control intrusive thoughts from coming into our mind, but we can choose how we respond. You said that there is no evidence that your boyfriend is cheating, so when that thought comes up, you could say, maybe, maybe not, and sit with the uncertainty - don't try to prove or disprove OCD - and in time the anxiety will LESSEN. OCD is not curable, but is manageable. I hope that this helps.
Thank you so much! So helpful. Sitting with the uncertainty is the worst thing ever 😭 does it fade?? !!!!
@Hannah1998 Hi Hannah. Over time the intensity will lessen. There will be times where it may spike, especially during challenging times in our lives, but as a general rule, the anxiety will not bother you as much.
@Jeffrey What about the fact that I don’t know if this is my ocd or just me wanting to clear something up which anyone would want clearing up ?
Hello Hannah, relationship OCD can be so difficult especially because it involves another person. I see here that you have acknowledged that you are seeing reassurance from the ex. If you are familiar with ERP then you know that texting her will only give temporary relief and then all that doubt will come flooding back and you will believe it even less and it will turn into a vicious cycle. Instead I would encourage you to refrain from doing the compulsion. Don't ask the ex or your boyfriend. Acknowledge the thought... Hey, I notice I am wanting to ask my boyfriend or his ex if they cheated and I am choosing not to. Then sit with the discomfort. by that you do not actually have to sit... go live your life with a healthy distraction... take a walk, wash your dishes, do some art, etc... If it seems to difficult you can take it in steps... acknowledge the thought and then wait at least 5 minutes longer than you normally do before bringing it up and then keep adding time on until you are able to just not ask. Also have you tried the downward arrow? basically it helps you to arrive at your root fear for this. Here is an example I fear my boyfriend has cheated on me maybe I am not good enough If he has cheated then I will end up alone maybe doesn't love me in this example he doesn't love me is the core fear. Basically you are writing out your thoughts to get to the core fear or bottom of why in a healthy way rather than a ruminating way. I am unsure if you have a therapist but NOCD is great! They have helped me a lot, especially their groups. They even have a relationship group for those with OCD that struggle with this theme. Check it out! and good luck to you. There is hope with erp work!
Thank you so much this is so helpful! Will sitting with the doubt feel easier one day? What if I don’t ever drop this without asking the girl? And can never be happy until I do! I’m also having thoughts what if this isn’t my ocd!!!!
So no one I ever spoke to has been through this . In every relationship I get into where I think the relationship has potential and will last , I seem to tell myself “what if you cheated on him” and then I’m in my head like “no you would remember “ and I’m like “but what if I don’t remember “ and I spiral down and lose myself and create situations in my head . I’ll bring my past into my future and make it seem like I cheated . I will go and find proof that I didn’t do it and if I can’t find proof I freak out and want to confess . Even tho I DID NOTHING WRONG . It’s awful and has taken a tole on me to the point where I had to get on meds . And the meds saved me . But I still feel these ways, but it doesn’t affect me going to work , or losing sleep ; and eating meals anymore . I never want to feel like a bad person
How to stop overthinking my boyfriend is cheating? He’s cheated before yes.. only once!! (not physically cheating BUT Cheating is cheating I get it)…. I’m still trying to heal and not be so insecure and self doubting myself like I did something wrong or that I’m not enough.. he hasn’t done it again since that day but I still overthink and still feel like I need to check through his social media accounts but I still have this fear but it’s like I know he’s not?? Idk if this makes sense I just need some friendly advice!! Please be respectful!! ❤️🩹 I want me and partner to move forward but I constantly keep thinking about it.. that was the one bad thing he’s did in our relationship..we’ve been together for almost two years
I’m at a loss about what to do. I’ve been with my partner for about a year. I’ve wanted to be with him for 3 years and now I finally have him, I got out of a really toxic 11 year relationship about 4 years ago so I’ve had plenty of time to heal, things where going so great at first in our relationship and I’m still very much happy with him, I love him more than anything, but the past 5 6 months I’ve been having a constant fear that he’s gonna cheat or watch 🌽behind my back any chance he gets , I know that’s a touchy subject for some, but me personally it just makes me feel that I’m not attractive enough,or feel like I’m not good enough, I’ve never found evidence of cheating, and I’ve found 🌽 in his history once but I told him how I felt and he told me he understood how I felt and wouldn’t do it again,and I know the constant asking everyday and needing for reassurance with it is putting a tear in our relationship, I just want to fix it. Does anyone have any advice on how to redirect my brain whenever I start overthinking about it when I’m not around him? It just puts so much stress on me when I’m not around him cause I’m just constantly in my head about it.
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