Very depressed

Some of this isn't about ocd. But it causes a lot of ocd problems. And what I'm asking you for is your opinion and what you would do in this situation. So my boyfriend chooses porn over me a lot. He's a hurt teenager and he's went through a lot. Child abuse. Cocsa. Drunk parents. Split parents. He has about 10 siblings and generally has went through so much. But he has a serious porn problem. Which is concerning especially the fact we are teenagers, and he's dating me. In no way whatsoever am I leaving him. Although I need people's opinions. I've communicated about the problem. I've told him how it makes me feel so shit and hurt. And I feel insecure. But what he does is he just stops telling me if he watches is, but then I can tell from his change of behavior and the lying hurts more. And everytime he tells me he's going home (we are long distancced) I INSTANTLY panick, I beg to call him. I try to distract him. I beg him not to watch porn. And it's so damaging me. And I hate it so much but I love him so much and I know he doesn't want to hurt me. And. Sometimes it feels like when he says "I love you" and stuff, it feels like it's not coming from the heart. For example if you where in school and your fellow classmate got forced by a teacher to apologize to you. You would obviously know the class mate doesn't mean it. But there just saying it. That's how I feel with my boyfriend. It feels like I'm forcing him to say he loves me. Like I'm forcing him to talk to me. It's been half a year now we have been together. He crys if I ever bring up leaving him, and I don't wanna leave him. I feel like I've done EVERYTHING to fix this. Yet I'm STUCK. so please. If anyone has any ideas I can try I will. Or any opinions, or even harsh truths. You can be mean. Anything. Thank you so much.

Can someone help me? I am obsessing over partners job prospects. He’s going to go back to his job in car sales and I feel like I’m being a snob by thinking it’s not prestigious enough. I don’t wanna feel this way, I wanna just be happy with whatever he does. I know I will support him in whatever he chooses to do. I don’t have break up urges but only thoughts that oh his job isn’t prestigious enough and maybe he gets one, I would not be happy and I’d need to confess and then he’ll leave me. I’m on medication but I’m a mess currently and can’t afford therapy. Can someone please tell how to combat this? Do I actually need to confess? Is anyone in a similar boat as me? My bf is the best thing that’s happened to me. I don’t wanna be so caring over a job, I’m from South Asia so my social conditioning is that a job at pffice means a good job. My bf is from America so it’s different. I feel like I’m in a crisis right now and can’t stop crying. Please help.

I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.