Does anyone feel guilty really easily, like you’re being a bad friend if you’re not 1,000% honest with them all the time? Is this a specific type of OCD?
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I’ve wondered that. When I was young I used to obsess if I thought I broke some rule, that I deserved to be punished and I needed to confess immediatley
@ocdrllysucks No worries—yeah I can relate with that. Also, although I don’t deal with it as much now, I used to get super triggered by people saying things that I perceived to be slightly racist, bigoted, homophobic, etc, and then I would feel this OCD like urge to correct them and make sure they never say it again. Could that also be moral scrupulousity?
@ocdrllysucks Gotcha. Yeah the biggest problem for me is that I do genuinely want to get better at speaking up and being assertive, but also when my OCD acts up that makes it feel all the more urgent. Mixing genuine emotions with OCD feelings is just….the worst combo ever.
Yes. I feel like if I’m not honest with them then that means I’m trying to manipulate them or take advantage of them. I read your other comments on this thread and I completely relate especially with rule breaking as a child.
Yup it’s tough. Such a strange phenomenon, because of course when I was young I used to obsess about being morally “right” all the time, but then when I became a teenager I stopped caring about that quite a bit. Now that I’m an adult living at home again, it seems to be my biggest obsession. Not sure why that is, I guess I just need to keep exposing myself to triggers to some degree.
Yes! Exactly that’s it! It’s like yes, speaking up for yourself is a useful skill that a lot of us can be better at, BUT when you have OCD that can easily turn into this endless game of wanting to speak up against EVERYTHING even slightly wrong. At least that’s how I feel
@ocdrllysucks So for example, literally about a half hour ago, I walked by my living room and my dad asked my sister to change the channel because there was a sitcom playing with a primarily black cast. It made me think “wow, my dad is so racist, he can’t stand watching this show with black people because he’s so racist. If I don’t speak up or shun him for it, then I’m a weak human being and he’s basically the devil.” While I feel okay overall, those thoughts definitely spin around in my head. Such an annoying trigger for sure.
I have recently entered a phase of extremely obsessive thoughts of every mistake I’ve ever made. Things from over a decade ago, things that happened recently, or even things currently happening like my own thoughts and feelings that I have no control over. Ever since I was little I have been a habitual liar. For the most part, I just tell little white lies or exaggerated stories. I even lie about things that don’t matter at all, like if I’ve seen a certain movie or something. But I have also lied about some serious things, like bad things happening to me, like abuse or SA. (DISCLAIMER - I’ve never accused anyone of these things to the police or anything like that). I hate that I’ve done this and I feel so disgusted with my behavior. I’ve been obsessing over this and unable to forgive myself or feel better about doing this. I feel like such a sick human being. I know most of the reasons for why I lie—attention, sympathy, to seem more interesting, to relate to someone, or to even pretend that my life is better than it is. I never ever have any bad intentions when I lie, but I know that doesn’t mean a whole lot. Sometimes I lie so naturally that I don’t even realize it, and sometimes I lie to the point that I actually believe what I’m saying. Somethings wrong with me and I don’t want to be this way anymore. I hate myself and I feel like I’m being tortured with this guilt. I feel like I don’t deserve to ever feel better because this is a result of my own actions. I have a group of girl friends that I met online that I’ve known for about 3 years. I lied about and insinuated that bad things had happened to me to them, because I wanted to relate to them and maybe because I wanted sympathy. I was actually emotionally abused by my ex, and he did kind of get physical with me one time (if I’m remembering correctly, but my OCD doubts if that even actually happened), but I have exaggerated and said that I was abused physically. I also have portrayed my life to be completely different than it is, because I hate my life and I like to pretend that things are better than they are. In a way, I feel like it’s a form of escapism. When I talk to them, I can pretend that I’m a different person. A more interesting, less pathetic, and more relatable person. I’ve lied to them so much that I can’t even begin to remember them all, and I feel so disgusted by myself, and the guilt of this is adding onto my other debilitating guilt. I can’t stop obsessing over it and I feel like I’m an awful person for this. I feel like I don’t deserve to feel better. I’m unable to function, and I can’t forgive myself no matter what. I know that if I confess to them, they’ll be disgusted by my behavior and not want to speak to me again. Especially because I lied about things that are so sensitive. And they’re perfectly within their right to feel that way and to reject me. I don’t know if I can handle the rejection and stress of confessing at this moment in time. I also just can’t even remember all of my lies. But if I keep talking to them, I’ll have to upkeep my lies, and I know I’ll never get better if I keep having to lie. None of my lies have caused them any actual harm, most of my lies are harmless, and it’s not like I’ll ever actually meet them in person, but I feel like I’ve gone against my morals, and I know that it was wrong. Even though my ex is an awful person and put me through hell, I feel bad that I’ve told these girls online that he’d abused me when he actually hasn’t (other than the one time he sorta got physical with me). He even has been going around telling people things about me and degrading me, and this has been going on for nearly 10 years. But I know it was wrong to lie about that regardless of what he’s done or what he’s actively doing to me. The girls don’t have his full name or info or anything like that, they just know his first name and that he’s my ex and that he “physically abused” me. I don’t ever lie out of malice. My dad is a pathological liar and he’s never received help, and I feel like I’ve learned his behavior. I especially feel bad because one of my online friends gave me an extremely expensive gift for my birthday last October, and I didn’t ask for it or anything or manipulate her into giving it to me, but I feel awful that she gave me a gift when I’ve lied about so many things. It’s also not something I can give back since it was an online thing, and I genuinely don’t have the money to pay her back. I feel like I’ve been living a lie and that it’s unfair to them. I am so so scared to tell the truth. I think I’d be less scared if I was only admitting it to one person, but I’d be admitting it to three. I know that they’ll think I’m terrible, disgusting, and that they’ll hate me, and then they’ll probably talk about how awful I am with each other. Which is perfectly justified. I just am so scared of it. I’m in a really bad state of mind. I can’t function and all I do all day is lay around and obsess over all my mistakes. I know the lying is out of my control to a certain extent and that I have a problem and mental illness, but I still can’t forgive myself. I feel disgusting and awful and like I’m a bad person and no matter what I do, I’m reminded of it. I feel like I’m going crazy and that I deserve to feel this way for what I’ve done. And I feel hopeless because I feel like I won’t ever feel better from this unbearable state unless I confess, but I really don’t feel like I’m ready. Every day I become more and more certain that I’m terrible.
Why why WHY do I feel the need to constantly overshare?! It’s making me feel guilty af! If my boyfriend tells me something in confidence but my ocd twists what’s said into some crazy big problem I feel the need to run to my mom for reassurance, it’s getting to the point where he doesn’t trust me not to talk about stuff and I don’t want him to feel like that obviously!! But it’s like I can’t stop! Does anyone else have that? How do you stop it?
cause immense guilt when receiving gifts? Or when someone is nice to you, the guilt just floods every vein of your existence. I feel so awful :( awful about my compulsions, about some of my thoughts, about who OCD has made me. My boyfriend just gifted me something, and I have such a heavy feeling in my chest. Worst part is: when I’m not feeling guilty I’m spiraling over that gift was enough, if it could’ve been “better.” I feel like an idiot. I don’t understand why I’m like this
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