i hit one year with my partner and i’ve just been so anxious. whenever i experience a new thing i start doubting and overthinking over what i could mean and if i really like him. i’m so terrified that it’s not rocd and that i’ll wake up one day and not like him :( and all these unanswered feelings/questions don’t help how i feel and i don’t understand them or know what to do because i can’t get into therapy

i totally understand that feeling. i was experiencing bad rocd during the start of the 2022 new year because i was afraid this feeling was just going to be a part of my life now. i was very anxious about the upcoming events I should excited about. saying i relate to the “afraid i’ll wake up one day and not like him” and “if i really like him” is an understatement. those were the exact thoughts i had for months. a few things that help me: -our thoughts do not define us. we are not our thoughts. -let it go. this pain and anxiety you’re feeling is not based on true emotion, it is based on fear. -loving someone and being in love are two different things. you are not going to feel that euphoric “in love” feeling all the time with your partner. actually loving someone is having their back and them being your best friend. sure there’s an attraction but that is not important if you want a long-term relationship. when you grow old, you’re not gonna look at them and think “wow they’re smokin hot” lol. what i’m trying to say is that just because you don’t feel a certain way when you’re around them like “omg i love them”, doesn’t mean you don’t love them. love is a much deeper, innate feeling so it often can be questioned because we forget we have it. -those thoughts and feelings that feel so real and are so convincing are terrifying. nothing is more painful than feeling at war with your own mind. trust me i understand. when you are overwhelmed with anxiety, it’s so hard to get rid of. when you feel that anxiety because of a thought, your body literally triggers a fight or fight response because it physically wants to get away from the thought. you have to think of your anxiety as a concerned friend. it thinks there’s an issue when there isn’t. so instead of fighting the thoughts, try listening to them, hearing what they have to say and then dismissing them with a phrase such as “i hear you. thank you for your concern. but i’m okay.” -lastly, you have to accept that many of our thoughts and feelings don’t have meaning. you can feel very intense emotions for no reason at all. they will come out of no where and paralyze you. it is your brain trying to cope with fear. it will not allow any new thoughts until it “fixes the issue”. the reason these thoughts have meaning is because we give them meaning. they will be floating by and our brain will reach out and grab them and go “ooooo what’s this? it seems important” even if it is useless to you. anyways, i hope this helped. you have to stay strong. and i know it’s hard. so hard. but those thoughts will not last forever. eventually your mind will go “fineeee, i give up”. remember, ocd attacks the most important thing in your life.