Past and Present thoughts have become too real…

I have been weird about these thoughts the entire day its like they are always at the back of my mind but i am not anxious nor doing anything about them not searching on the internet and finding every single compulsion of mine fake and like just doing it for the sake of it . The thoughts have ranged to feel way too normal and real which also doesn’t scare me anymore which also doesn’t scare me so idk what to do now.. its like i have been noticing the same sex a little more and then also having had past experiences with the same sex is making me think things that I don’t want to but could be true also i was watching a movie and noticing the girl and not feeling weird about it and this girl who recently said was bi was asked how she knows about this and she said that she noticed a girl and i am doing the same what if this is the start of an experience of coming out or something and like i have heard people who do actually are anxious in the beginning and that is what’s happening to me as well how do i not know that this is a possibility which it is and mine is ocd and not denial cause it feels like the latter.. also the dream i had today was also so similar to this that this is how you start feeling and why have i been feeling this could be a possibility so strongly is it because i have been noticing women or girls who are bi and not accepting and not feeling anything close to being anxious but continue looking?!? When i had health concern anxiety and went to the doctor who told me i have anxiety issues and the fact that i have liked guys in the past and this suddenly started out is the only thing that is telling me it still could be ocd otherwise everything points in the other direction its also like some months are really smooth which makes me question did i ever even have it in the first place and just am living a lie and all the guys i have liked in the past were a lie and thats why i am still single don’t feel the attraction i should?!? I have been noticing more than normal and i have this for 3 years now its feeling normal and okay which I don’t know how to react to my straight friends joke about being with the same sex and it makes me feel weird and like this need to specify i am straight too like I don’t believe it and even when i say it i sometimes feel its a lie and i am lying and I don’t want anyone to know which is why i always specify that i am when i can and should also joke about it but i get weird. Its starting to feel to real what do i do? Like watching an lgbtq show on Netflix which doesn’t make me anxious is making me think i never had ocd its just the fact that i am scared and stuff how else do I understand this.. what do i do? When I don’t do anything about it I don’t understand how i feel even when i do i don’t even after reading this if someone tells me its ocd I don’t agree and also like i feel its become a reflex to do this compulsions cause its been so long not out of anxiety or anxiousness or the fact that i am scared its denial and not ocd i am okay and i go about my day having these thoughts and if I actually do i might act up and then what?!? All this while what?!? And if i am okay with all this while what is this anxiousness.. its it because of family or what when i hear coming out stories why do i think it could be okay if i told my parents what do i tell them ocd or actually being bi?!? Idk am i even and if i am thinking so am i ?!? Do i believe so?!? Will i someday act upon them like back in my childhood and it will feel normal and all this a lie and if i consider it a lie and i am not scared then what?!? Is it actually not ocd and denial?! Am i even straight is this ocd?!? If i did it in the past when i was a kid what does it say of me now and if i was okay back then is that some indication and if i do today is that also telling me something and if i am considering all this how is it ocd and not denial.. isn’t this how it might start for someone who is just coming to terms with their sexuality and is scared how is this ocd and not that!!? Cause it extremely strongly with feelings feels like that.. i am so confused my head and heart both don’t know how to feel and the part of the feelings are confusing it more.. help me