I've read about a bisexual female that she first just liked lesbian porn, then had thoughts about women with "I want to look like her" when she had low self esteem and then it changed to "I want her" when she rised her self-esteem. I am so scared to even work on my self-esteem now even when it was suggested by my therapist! Today I went shopping and found every woman attractive! But I felt fear in my heart, I just wanted to disappear.
One thing that you have to remember is that your ocd will always make everything and anything about you, even if there is not a single correlation, it would always try to make it seem like it has something to do with you. Just because this person has this experience, does not mean you have to as well. Another thing that I want you to keep in mind is that you do not need to label yourself any sexuality if you do not want to. This is something that has helped ease my so-ocd, hope it helps!💕
I was never diagnosed with HOCD, but I know I've had higher anxiety sometimes and it started just 6 months ago at first with "Do I still love my boyfriend?", through "Oh no. What if I am a lesbian?", then "What if I turn crazy and stab my boyfriend" and then returned to the second in phases... It freaks me out, because what if it is really not OCD?
Also thank you. I am trying to tell myself "I want to be labeled straight for the rest of my life", but then freak out again when I see some girl or my thoughts keep returning some memories and question them..
@Hyewook Yup, it definetly sounds like it! I have had the same thoughts as well!!
@SkyeV Oh my god, thank you very much!! 😭
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Thank you again for this!! I am glad to read someone has the same problem. ❤️ I am trying to not read or do mental compulsions, but still return to it later...
Definitely work on your self esteem! It’s worth it even if OCD is making you afraid. But I also have to say from personal experience that being a bisexual female is pretty great and you have nothing to be afraid of :)
Thank you. I don't say it's bad for people that feel that way. I just don't find women more than friends and I don't want to date them. I just want to focus on my boyfriend, but this all freaks me out. :(
@Hyewook If it helps, you could theoretically find ppl of any gender attractive while focusing on your bf. It definitely doesn’t mean you don’t love or care about your bf. You’re making a conscious choice to be with him and that doesn’t change even if you did find someone else attractive.
@Marcelineee Yes, I know, but it pretty disturbs me and it's uncomfortable. On better days (f.e. when I feel that I am cute or pretty) I don't care about other women and really the thoughts disappear, but I have complexes about my height and body type since early age and when I see someone smaller and thinner I just get ultra envious and start feeling deppressed again and can't enjoy the time with my boyfriend. And my days now changed to 'checking people around to see my reaction'.. 😖 As if I became a radar on girls and gays now.
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Exactly! When I had a better self-esteem, I didn't feel the need to stare at other women and didn't have any thoughts, but now I don't feel good about myself and my thoughts are "I wish I looked like her" or "I look like a trash compared to her", always feeling deppressed or crying .. I am scared now
@polishgirl I am scared as well. After I read this, I swear I suddenly got the bi girl's thoughts and behavior in my head and it didn't help at all! Geez, I just want to be with a man for the rest of my life and erase all this thoughts. :(
@polishgirl It popped up on google with title Don't be scared to explore your bisexuality or smth like that and I stupid clicked on that... I've read only that sentence and closed it, so I don't know what it writes about.
@polishgirl I don't know if it would be a good idea if you want it as reassurance or checking. Also I've read it in inkognito regime, because I don't want similar articles or ads to pop in my browser. But if you really want, I won't stop you either. Try typing "do straight girls check out other girls" to google and scroll through the articles, it was one of my mostly googled questions so it kight be there
this could be ocd or ur preference. why are you scared of being attracted to women?
This isn’t helpful for someone with this subtype
It makes me uncomfortable.. I just want my straight life back and don't want to be bi or gay. I want to enjoy my life with my boyfriend, have kids and don't be attracted to women at all. I know I keep comparing myself and feeling I am not pretty enough, but I don't desire to turn gay or bi in the future.
@OCD33 im sorry, it was a geniuine question not meant to be judgemental!
@Hyewook ah
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Thank you. I couldn't stop thinking about that since I went out, so I hope that was the case. I tend to overthink everything I read and then have the symptoms later, but it freaks me out.
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I guess... It was too big trigger for me, even the title. I now remember always avoiding "coming out videos", because I had a thought "What if I suddenly found out I was gay?" and my mind now uses it against me as well. I am really going crazy.
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