I feel like death

Thank you so much - I appreciate you taking the time out to talk with me :) I agree with you about breaking up the chores into small duties. I think I am also petrified of seeing imperfections (loose threads on a pillow, or clothes that may have some wrinkles, dirt on the floor or a stain on the couch) it’s silly, but when I see those things, because of my ocd, it can shatter my day. I feel so pathetic about it because I know there’s so much more to life than the nonsense that I focus on ya know? Idk why it sends me into such a bad frenzy seeing those things. It results into me being afraid to do the tasks because I don’t know what I’ll see/what I cannot change. And you’re totally right about the relationship as well, I need to learn how to speak rather than to attack. I attack because of how he’s hurt me in the past, which is something I cannot let go of and it fuels my anger on a daily basis and the way I treat him. He’s not perfect either, but he also does not suffer from ocd or depression, so he’ll never quite understand. But thank you again for being there for me… how are you?

@afaf0073 You're welcome! :) Please don't feel pathetic about it, it's definitely out of your hands, as it's a disorder, however i know you're doing your best and I'm proud of you for that, so just start, and take small steps, ik it's tough but once you start it gets easier gradually, so start cleaning slowly and start communicating with your partner, and maybe give him another chance, let go of the past and start a new page, i hope it all gets better, stay strong ❤️ Btw I'm okay thanks for asking, I'm improving and trying not to follows the compulsions so that's nice, tho I'm low on energy for some reason

@latifa Thank you ♥️ I’m proud of you too! Much appreciated advice that you’ve given me. We both agreed to a fresh start today and I will do everything in my power to keep the anger down to a minimum. Unfortunately, I will admit, that I did not clean anything aside from the sink and litter box. I decided to watch some movies instead like you suggested and maybe start the deep cleaning tomorrow, as I am off from work. Sunday I took as a “lazy day,” but I felt okay because at least the cats were taken care of. Do you struggle with OCD that’s similar if you don’t mind me asking? I’m so sorry to hear about your energy levels lately and before I found the right medication, I was deeply tired and exhausted everyday to where I couldn’t get out of bed. It was frightening. I understand what you’re going through and I’m sending positive vibes your way. I hope you get the strength that’s needed to have a good day/long weekend :) stay strong as well ♥️ I’m here to talk.

@afaf0073 Thank you so much, I'm glad to hear that you're doing better, you took the right steps and that's a great start :), keep going and remember to take small steps and to celebrate the small wins! I struggle with ocd that involves cleaning and feeling the need to change so that i can pray coz i doubt whether I'm clean or not, it's draining tbh but it got better and I'm better at dealing with it now, at first it gave me a reallyy bad anxiety, thanks for asking and for the positive vibes ❤️

Aww thank you, I actually don’t have Instagram anymore or Facebook, I wish I still did, but I’m afraid to face the world on there in a sense lol.

Thank you, being kind to myself has been a journey and sometimes really hard :( I’m getting placed with a therapist sometime next week, I am just waiting for the phonecall. Just worried I won’t be able to afford it once my free sessions through my company have run out. It’s extremely expensive where I am so it’s discouraging that I might have to stop after the 4. In the meantime, I try and find online support, such as this app etc. since I don’t trust many people that I know in real life. Hey do you know of any like online support groups or online resources that are available ? Thanks so much for reaching out ♥️ and I hope you’re doing well also!

Thank you for the advice. It’s good to hear that I’m not alone. Does it take you a while to get motivated with the cleaning if you don’t mind me asking? So imperfections scare you? Gosh I wish I wasn’t like this and often find myself just wishing I could be normal and face things head on, instead I take too many breaks and smoke too many cigarettes to get by. But congrats on the cleaning and continuing to do so even after your call with your therapist has ended! ♥️

@afaf0073 Yes it definitely takes me awhile to get motivated by myself! That’s why I find having someone give me a jump start is so helpful. I’m currently in the purging stage, so I’m trying to get rid of things I don’t need. That alone has motivated me to keep going because I think it will be so much less cluttered once all my extra crap is gone.