Feeling totally and utterly alone. My compulsions are only getting worse.

I hope her partner will learn to be more supportive. Very sad.

Understood. Thank you for your comment. My obsessions are real though. I hyperfixate on her past, her real past, and it bothers me. She doesn’t feel like the one for me sometimes, but she is the best person in my life so I don’t know what to do.

@Scorpio It sounds like ERP will be helpful for you. In order for her to be the best person she is now she had to go through anything she went through. Every step of her life led her to you.

I just hurt my partner significantly tonight, so no. :’(

@Scorpio I am very sorry to hear that. I hope it works out. Here for you. I hope that they are more supportive of you soon.

@Anonymous I hurt her so it doesn’t matter. I deserve to be alone right now.

@Scorpio No you deserve someone understanding. So sorry ))):

@Anonymous But I hurt her, I took a jab at her. Doesn’t she have a right to be upset at me?

@Scorpio I see my friend. Yes she does. I saw another post where someone was talking about their partner saying something cruel and a reply which went like this which may help you, I am just kind of doing a summary and English is not my first language: Harm is harm. If someone lashes out and hurts another person it is not ok. You can be not in your right mind for multiple reasons (for examples: not sober, dealing with mental illness etc). While it may provide context and mitigating circumstances it does NOT erase nor excuse the hurt. We must be careful not to leverage our diagnosis to emotionally manipulate or excuse emotional abuse. Our ocd does not ever excuse cruelty or abuse. Apologizing, not excusing, and taking accountability is key to repairing the relationship if you so choose. Our diagnosis is just that, a diagnosis. It is not a free pass to be cruel or abusive. Even with ocd there are things which are too much to say or things that are too far to do.

@Anonymous Right. I feel I crossed a line. But I truly feel the way I said.

@Scorpio Well on the one hand at least you got it out. However on the other hand if you crossed a line into emotional cruelty or abuse that is not good. Is she supportive of you usually?

@Anonymous Typically very supportive. I feel good I got it out but I know it’s hurtful to her and I can’t take it back now because i did mean it.

@Scorpio I experienced the same thing with my partner. I was like you in situation. I said something very cruel and abusive. I thought that I felt it too. But by really being honest with myself and reading articles like this one I came to understand I do not FEEL the way I said. I THOUGHT the way I said. Ultimately if you did cross the line into being abusive that is not ok. I hope I do not sound mean. I am trying to share the way I needed others to share with me. https://www.parasolcooperative.org/post/abusive-behavior-and-mental-illness

@Anonymous Thanks

@Scorpio If you want to stay together I hope that you can work it out. I am sorry if I am not helpful

@Anonymous You have been helpful, I read the article and found that cruelty is a choice even if you are mentally ill. Thank you for helping me understand that.

@Scorpio We always have a choice my friend. We cannot unring the bell as they say. But I have found I can choose not to listen to the sound.

@Scorpio Make sure that you are honest that you do feel the way you said

@Scorpio Just checking in on you.

@Anonymous Thanks, you are so nice. I’m better, but still haven’t talked to my partner much about it. She is taking the space needed to feel better. I feel a little lost but I am better than I was yesterday. Thanks for checking in :)

@Scorpio I’m glad you’re better. Do you think you will be able to remain together as couple?

@Anonymous I think she will ultimately forgive me and stay with me. But I have a lot to work on if I’m going to be 100% comfortable with her despite her “imperfections”

@Scorpio If she is able to forgive that is takes great compassion, a loving heart and able to love you for who you are, I hope that you can begin to love her for who she is too.

@Anonymous You’re exactly right. It just makes my brain hurt. It makes me panic.

@Scorpio Yes I know the feeling. But it sounds like you do love her. It’s so hard to find a partner willing to be compassion. We must be able to put in our share of work too.

@Anonymous I do love her. She’s a very unique person, no one is like her or better suited to handle my ocd. She is my true partner. But I can’t get over some things that block some of my love

@Scorpio I believe in you. You can do it. You have already taken the hardest step, the first one.