Does it happen to you that your brain isn't satisfied no matter what now? I know I am straight, I am calm for a bit, love moments with my bf and then it starts ruminating that what if I choose to become lesbian one day (I start analyzing a lot why other girls became lesbians later in life, so I guess that is keeping this loop and making me get into their skin). And then I think up scenarios with a girl, there is almost no anxiety (mostly I wish I would be more disgusted, but disgust is almost gone, however there's no feeling like I want that as well), but I know I am not interested in girls and don't want that, and then I cry why do I even have these thoughts. I know it started as HOCD + ROCD, but I am just a mess now and don't know what to do. I definitely know that I don't want to be a lesbian and loose my awesome boyfriend. My brain is just destroyed now.

Yes. I don't feel like doing anything, just lying on a coach and googling. I still tell myself that the real gays don't feel deppressed and think or cry about it all the time, but then my mind produces some "past proof" and it devastates me.

And do you have any tips what to do? I am really worried that it will persuade me one day that I want to be a lesbian and loose my heterosexuality.

@Hyewook Yes same, I try not to think about it but I still seek reassurance on the internet and figuring things out in my head so I’m not over it yet. I can’t give you any tips it’s really worse for me now. I have medication but it doesn’t work in my opinion, i have the feeling that it also lowers my feelings and sexual attraction to anyone so it makes things worse because I can’t check my feelings for boys anymore

@San2 I also still google it, but I even can't believe stuff that once reassured me anymore. I just know I am not a lesbian and it feels weird whenever I think I would flirt with a woman, but even it can't persuade me.

@Hyewook Yes same, it don’t help me anymore it makes it worse. And then I think like ‘googling is an compulsion but why doesn’t it help me’ and yes when I get the intrusive thoughts about womens I get an disturbing and anxiety feeling and my therapist said you should focus on that feeling because it tells you that you are disgusted by it but it doesn’t help me always

@San2 Yeah and also OCD can create fake feelings so I am also not sure about me feelings at this point

@Idk626 Can it create fake feelings? Really?

@San2 Yeah