- Date posted
- 3y
Therapy
Does anyone else ever have this thought?: I feel like I am too smart for therapy to work. I am afraid that therapy is just a person who has never experienced these sensations (though they are intelligent and well meaning) rationalizing what is going on. I am afraid that I am treatment resistant. That I will always have these thoughts. I’ve gotten to a point where I can do exposures at any time. Sometimes they cause me distress, sometimes they do not. Being gay isn’t a choice, so why am I trying to solve it that way? No, I’m not worried about the religious implications. Sure, I’m worried about the social implications. Who wouldn’t be? I just need to admit this and move on. I’ve been dealing with this for 13 years, so I really am skeptical to the idea that these thoughts aren’t at least somewhat true. Do I want them to be? Of course not. But it’s not a choice. I can understand OCD about other topics as totally true. POCD, contamination, harm. These are topics that are about harming oneself or others. HOCD, though, isn’t about hurting yourself or others. It’s about keeping up a false pretense about yourself. I am a very accepting person. I’ve never had a problem with anyone of another race, creed, gender, orientation, or otherwise. How can I claim that, though, if I keep living with this fear? It makes no sense.