Plz help. I’m NOT going to kill myself. But I could really use some coping strategy ideas bc I wake up and go to bed everyday wanting to die?

Does anyone else have panic attacks almost everyday??? If so do you have a strategy to help overcome the panic attacks. I could really use some help 😥

i want to get this out of the way; i’m not suicidal. i’m a 17 y/o guy whose been living with OCD for what i assume is most of my life despite only getting the diagnoses last year. i’ve been hustling on despite my mental health really consuming my life to moments in time where i question my sanity and self control. it’s the lack of control that really kills me with this disorder. each day i wake up, it’s the same persistent reminders; it’s the same meaningless conversations replaying; it’s the same small rituals that just barely let me breathe before the thoughts return. nothing i do is gonna stop that unbearable monogamy where i have to sit back and let my eyes be peeled open; i don’t know how to live with that. no pill has worked on me, and any response i give the thoughts just make them worse. right now i’m trying to just sit through it and not care. don’t let it effect me emotionally; try not to feel the discomfort. then it starts to manifest into physical pain where i feel the bones of my chest have this pressure—like staples entering them at the rhythm of a heart beat. i’m getting though this, but i’m not enjoying my life when doing so. i don’t know if i have a future where it isn’t just this repeating through the process of each day. i don’t want to spend the rest of my life avoiding the one thing i’m supposed to have control over. i also don’t want to drown my days in self medicating or get addicted doing so—like i already am. i don’t see the way to make this life of mine work, especially given how much i don’t have to do deal with at my age. of course that will come to. look, i’m not at risk; i really don’t want in anyway to die despite being basically hopeless. i’m numb to the pain of it, i don’t feel anything in my desire to escape these cycles, i just need an out. i’m not seeing a way to move forward. i’m willing to hear anything.

I’m not suicidal by any means, I had a thought one time when I was going through some stuff and ever since then I wake up every morning and think about it all day I have thoughts like “did I mean that?” “Did I want that?” “Am I gonna think this all day” “would I really do that” and literally it’s to the point it’s driving me nutssss please tell me I’m not alone and please tell me how you got through this, I started antidepressants about 6 days ago it’s called Effexor for the mean time I need some advice