Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

Pocd

I’ve been having pocd for years . Today I was with my boyfriend and his little nieces . One of them wanted me to hold them so I held them . I had placed my hand on the side of her outer thigh like where her hip is for a second then quickly moved it bc the thoughts were pouring in and I felt like what if I touched her inappropriately. The anxiety kicked in . Me and his niece was in a room with his other niece so I went in the room where my bf and his mom was and she wanted me to hold her again and I put my hand were I thought I “inappropriately” touched . To reassure that it’s normal and fine . You know people hold their babies thighs while they hold them but some reason I got anxiety and thought I touched her inappropriately. My anxiety wasn’t too bad today . I told my boyfriend about my thoughts and the situation. He said it’s nothing I did wrong . He holds her the same way sometimes and he gets the exact same Thoughts But it ain’t severe like mine . But I still been thinking about it and the doubt kicks in even tho I’ve reassured myself and my boyfriend reassured me . Ik reassurance is bad but I needed it. And since I’ve been having pocd for years I have so many fears and everytime I hold a kid I sit stiff bc I’m afraid and I don’t feel that comfortable holding children since I have pocd . Even looking at children I can’t even do . I honestly wrote this post bc I want more reassurance since the doubt is still there . Maybe someone can comment they relate to this instead of reassurance. Idk. I’m sitting here crying in a bath tub. Just tired of this .

MK30

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I completely understand! I have just right OCD along with the Pure O and POCD. The just right OCD isn’t nearly as scary and it’s easier to conquer because it’s not “as bad”. The POCD just feels really bad and like there needs to be an answer for it. It’s practicing the uncertainty that is the hardest part. To know that you don’t need an answer. I try to combat the thoughts with “maybe I will, maybe I won’t” or “hi thoughts! I see you’re back again. I have some other things I have to focus on right now, but you can tag along if you’d like.” Or I’ll say something silly like “you can hang out, but you can’t spend the night.” I’ve heard that you can even try making fun of the thoughts. I have a lot of doubt with mine as well. The thoughts are so intrusive and over powering at times. But we are stronger than the thoughts and we will get through this!

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

Pocd is the worst theme for me:/ I used to have harm ocd but that’s gone now . That was my very first theme . Today I’m doing good but there’s moments of doubt and it’s ducking with me and the memory has faded. Sometimes I wonder did I do something else and don’t remember or something worse . All I did was touch the side of her outer thigh bc That’s how I was trying to hold her but then I stopped after I second bc of the thoughts . Ik I’m repeating the same thing . I guesss that’s a compulsion as well. Over explaining myself . I hope you completely understand where I’m coming from

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

Now I’m kinda freaking out bc what if I touched her outer thigh to be inappropriate but I’m trying to keep composure

MK30

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@Joymariee It’s the what if questions that will keep your trapped in the OCD cycle. I’ve done that before to my son and have had the “did I mean to do just that or was there more there that I wanted to happen?” When in reality it may have just been I put my hand on the outside of his thigh like I have a thousand times before that. There’s times now I might cuddle him and put my hand on his thigh on purpose to introduce the anxiety and work through the wave the best that I can. If it’s too overwhelming and I have to get up and walk away, that’s okay. I don’t count that as a failure because I still exposed myself to my fear and did the best that I could. One of the best things about this is that if it didn’t work out this time, we will more than likely have an opportunity to try it again. Don’t give up and don’t think you’re a terrible person because you’re not. The OCD wants you trapped.

MK30

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Reassurance is one of the worst things we can feed the OCD too and it’s so hard because we just want to be sure. I’ve felt the same way with my son and I have POCD. It’s very frustrating to work through. Are you doing any type of ERP?

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

Yesterday the anxiety wasn’t as bad bc I was busy doing stuff and trying to sit with it but now today I feel like dying . I’m trying not to give in before it gets worse . But my memory is fading of the situation and that scares me bc I want to still remember it so I don’t have false memories.

MK30

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I completely understand. I go through the same thing. I had something happen this morning that kicked it up and I’m trying not to feed into it too much and instead just let it be there. I have a name for my OCD so I just greet it and tell it to come along if it wants to. One of the ways I word it is “you can hang out for a little while, but you can’t spend the night.”

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

👇🏼my comment

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

And my memory of the moment is starting to fade which is also scary

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

My anxiety and thoughts been at minimum but I feel depressed and scared . Deep down ik I did nothing wrong but then the doubt. Like I hope you understand the placement I explained I could show a picture idk

MK30

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I completely understand. It’s very scary because it seems so real. I’ve also noticed that when it’s around the time my period is due it will flare up more.

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

Omg yes bc it’s about that time for me rn

MK30

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@Joymariee You’re not alone at all. For me I think that’s going to be one of the biggest challenges is working through those thoughts when it’s that time. My therapist told me it’s very common for women to experience this,

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous Today we went by his moms and nieces and I had a good time . Anxiety wasn’t present but I was a little bit uncomfortable. I feel like for the first time in a long time I’m sure deep down I didn’t do anything wrong but of course ocd has to doubt me and sometimes I start to believe what if I didn’t do what I said I did . Like something worse but deep down I feel like I’m telling the truth but then I have what if thoughts . Like what if I’m lying to myself . And like this is the worst theme for me bc it’s dealing with children and I’m not attracted to children at all. And like how can you not get reassurance about something serious even tho nothing happened but there’s doubt . I’m rambling about the same thing but sometimes it’s hard .

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

And by the first time in a long time I mean I have other themes like rocd and real event ocd about past mistakes in my childhood or even recently and those theme idk im always do uncertain . There’s never a deep down feeling that im sure if that make sense. When it Comee to those themes.

Tiredoflife

Date posted: 3y

I appreciate you commenting. Very thankful. Ocd is hell but I’m trying to overcome it . Right now I’m lowkey having anxiety bc someone posted this creepy man taking pics of woman at the beach and they got ahold of his camera roll and I thought he had took a pic of a kid cause one of them look like one and I thought that was crazy and disgusting so I zoomed in on the picture to see if that was actually a kid but it wasn’t . Now I feel like a pedophile and it’s bothering me . My intentions wasn’t bc I liked it .I was just wondering and now I’m freaking out

Anonymous

Date posted: 17w

POCD and changing baby diaper - please help

Hi NOCD community, I was hoping to get some advice from fellow sufferers. In December we welcomed the first baby into the family, my beautiful niece. Since then, my POCD has been awful, which I know is probably very normal. Last week, in the middle of a very high stress day in my family, I was changing my niece and as usually happens, I got intrusive thoughts about awful things people do to babies when changing them. The thoughts were so harrowing to have as I was also changing her at the exact same time, and I felt my hands just quickly want to finish patting her dry before putting her nappy on, and for some reason, my heart dropped with that hand movement, because I was afraid that I had acted out the awful thoughts in my head, in a moment of mania because my morals, values and heart do not align with abuse of any kind, especially to children. My niece is my everything, and I know I would never want harm to come to her in any way, shape or form. I love her endlessly. I am having therapy, but have only had a couple of sessions. But, I cannot shake the 'what if'. I am tortured over trying to remember what it was I did that made my heart drop, but I can't, and its getting fuzzier and fuzzier the more I try to remember. Could anyone offer any advice on this please? Thank you.

Anonynmous19

Date posted: 16w

Pocd

I had to give my daughter a bath and wanted to help my wife bear the responsibility also read online pocd to not avoid bathing. I told myself I am going to bathe my child because im a good dad. As i bathed her i went to wipe her arms and torso. I was going to get her armpit and arm but with the sponge I wiped her chest erogenous area. Then i got anxious and did a compulsion and said “im sorry”. Then ocd said whyd i wipe there ni shouldve wiped her arm or armpit. Was i doing anything inappropriate. Or ocd said not to wipe there and I did so did i do anything inappropriate or with inappropriate intent. I hate having pocd and living parallel with this voice in my head. I know my intention wasnt inappropriate i even prep talked before and did the compulsion of apologizing after wiping. Now im questioning whyd i wipe there first before her arms and armpit since ocd told me to avoid her chest. Then i worry did i have ocd intrusive thought saying i wanted to wipe there and if i had this thought and i wiped there than it means i acted on the thought. I know i wouldnt do anything inappropriate to my child and i know my intent wasnt wrong.

hopefulxmess

Date posted: 16w

Pls has anyone been through this?

Let me start by prefacing that I developed ocd as postpartum ocd after having my first child. I had harm and pocd. I had it on and off for years and then it just eventually went away completely for many years until recently after a stressful life event. Now that it’s back it again targets my children but now my grandchildren also. It’s been horrible and makes me pull away from them. Last night my 6 year old granddaughter threw up in the car when my daughter was about to take her home so my daughter brought her back in the house and asked me to clean her up while she cleaned her car. I had some anxiety about it because of my ocd but I couldn’t say no to helping so I opened the bathroom door and my granddaughter was standing in her underwear waiting for me to clean and dress her. Everything was fine and normal but then for some reason, I have no idea why, I looked down at her chest area. I immediately got so upset and didn’t know why I looked there and now my ocd is saying it’s because i’m a monster. I tried to tell myself it’s just normal human behavior when someone is standing there naked that you look where you shouldn’t simply because it’s just there in front of you but I feel horrible. I don’t feel any inappropriate way about her or any child but my ocd is saying it was inappropriate. Has anyone else been through this?

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