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- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
If it’s crippling you mentally and physically nine times out of ten it ain’t for you
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- 3y
Comment deleted by user
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- 3y
I thought maybe you’d respond to this
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- 3y
@Cassandragoth I have a friend who feels the same way. She is aroused by women but is pretty sure she wouldn’t date a woman. It feels like two separate experiences. Like I can find women sexually appealing but not want to have sex with them. Or maybe I do? But it wouldn’t be for any reason other than fantasy. I’m so open to it though and that’s why I feel like I keep getting stuck. Like it’s a sexual turn on but then when I’m turned on I want to be with a man. Idk if that makes sense.
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- 3y
@polishgirl I have watched porn and that’s mostly where the fantasy comes from. I enjoy looking at nude women, I can sometimes think about engaging in sexual activity with them, but usually I don’t want to. It doesn’t feel right. It just feels like a fantasy. It turns me on but I don’t want to do it.
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- 3y
@Cassandragoth I think I am going to try not to watch porn for awhile… maybe forever.
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- 3y
@polishgirl I’m 25, almost 26! I’ve been going to therapy for the past 2 years (it’s been helpful but I have a hard time helping myself with the tools). I’ve been off and on with my ex (we’ve decided to still be together even though neither of us are ready for long term commitment). I’ve had hocd for the past 2.5 years. There have been times where I’ve been fine and the thoughts didn’t bother me or mean anything and then other times when it causes a lot of distress. I’ll go between hocd and ROCD (one will take over when the other is dormant). I have the same experience as you. Sex is a huge trigger for me too. For hocd and ROCD. I’ve learned that I have to focus on the emotional connection with him during sex and I need a ton of foreplay. If I’m not feeling good we don’t do it. Afterwards, he hugs me and cuddles me and that really helps. We also sometimes joke about it because it is kinda silly. He will say, oh you seem to have no problem while my dick is in you. But then I’ll still question it lol. But yeah. I think you’re going to be okay, and also, you already are ok. There’s no threat. We got this.
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- 3y
@polishgirl Do you have constant anxiety that’s just there no matter what and you think it’s maybe caused by “denying your sexuality” or “being in the wrong relationship”
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- 3y
Do you worry that you’ll never be fulfilled with your boyfriend?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I really dont know if it is ocd anymore I dont want certain sexual things with my bf anymore that i used to like When i envision it with a girl it is so easy to envision and it feels like i want that , that will give me the satisfaction This feeling is making me really question if i am still into men , desire men sexually Is this still ocd , i really dont know anymore , as it is a feeling it is too real
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- 19w
I don’t know if it’s SOOCD. I no longer feel anxious in the moment when I think about women, and it’s like my imagination wants me to think about it and get aroused. I don’t want to be gay, but maybe I am after all. In my life I haven’t been so sexually driven before (when I was living with a man, or when being single) but now all I can think about is having sex with a woman. I don’t want to, but somehow my body does and it feels like my mind have changed to accept it to.. feel so sad This all started around 4 weeks ago..
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- 15w
I am very depressed right now. I really feel like maybe I’ve always been a lesbian and never knew. I never questioned my sexuality when I was young, never wanted to explore, I just was straight and didn’t think anything about it, that’s just what it was. I had my first soocd spiral in late high school but didn’t have a name for it, just that I was having intrusive thoughts and it was killing me that maybe I was gay. I can’t exactly remember how I got out of that but I continued to have crushes, talking stages, and dated. It went away and that was that I guess. Looking back now I definitely was still avoiding content and certain people, and still had intrusive thoughts but didn’t think I was gay. I guess they were less sticky. Something about me is that I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m a virgin. I’m very shy and romanticize things like I love the relationships and scenarios I read about or that I see in movies or the thirst traps online haha. So I want that irl but am disappointed when that doesn’t happen. I have a very interactive daydream (started when I was 13 and still continued that fantasy world now too) with a boyfriend, friends, and a prettier version of me. I enjoyed making up scenarios about sex or romance in those daydreams and fantasies, but when it came to real life, I would get shy or scared when things were starting to get serious with men. I thought maybe this was an avoidant attachment style but now I’m not sure. I never considered female fantasies and I still don’t want to right now. I want to test and see which one I like better, but I’m afraid I’ll find that I’m a lesbian and I really don’t want that. Ive always imagined myself with a man but now I’m worried about comphet. I’m really depressed and I can’t tell because yes, I find some women attractive whether it’s their makeup, face, body, aesthetic, but I never thought that meant I was attracted to them in a sexual or romantic way until this spiral. Now I’m afraid of masc lesbians and pretty women because it triggers me. But I’m also afraid because I feel like I can look at attractive men, but I don’t feel the same way anymore. I can’t even daydream about them bc then my brain inserts a woman. I’m really scared that I’ve lost myself, because I truly feel like I have, but I don’t want to explore with women, I just want to like men, I’ve always liked that idea. But so many lesbians talk about liking celebrities, fantasy men, or just attractive men. Sorry for the rant but I’m struggling a lot right now. I feel like all my memories, even the ones that directly contradict being a lesbian, can be explained away by comphet, internal homophobia, denial, suppression, etc. When I do try and accept uncertainty, sometimes it feels ok, but then something will trigger me and I’m back at square one. I’m afraid if I take my meds I’ll discover something about myself that I don’t want to because I’ve always been depressed and avoidant of life because it never lives up to my expectations. My sexuality is on my mind 24/7! I can’t take it!
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