Clarity
So today, on a hike, I was hoping to get clarity on whether I should stay in my marriage or not (ROCD is rampant these days). Yeah, that's something I feel I'm never going to get. Each answer is terrifying and makes me sick. How do people make huge life decisions with OCD? The biggest life decision I've made is my marriage and I've questioned it ever since.
Ocd will make u question everything that’s important to you. You just have to tell yourself you can figure it out later but for today you are staying married to them. And do response prevention. Don’t let ocd win and make u leave. This is your life. Not OCDs. Tell yourself you will make the decision at a later time and try to delay or stop any rummination. That is what makes us miserable and never gives us the clarity we want. The need to know immediatley, that urgency, is ocd
Do not make any decisions while your brain is in OCD mode. It's not your real thoughts. I ended a relationship and learned that the hard way after realizing I definitely had ROCD. I felt like someone had taken over my brain and I wasn't sure what was ME and what was my OCD. The best thing you can do is ERP and then everything will probably become clearer for you because you'll be calm and your true feelings will show. Wish I knew that back then!
Thanks for this.
I feel you—and I don’t have the answer! I think it’s about accepting that we are just gonna have a harder time with dismissing doubts (and listening to our gut) relative to our peers without OCD/ROCD.
Yeah," listening to your gut" is like OCD power fuel.
Hi everyone! I wanted to ask a quick question. My partner and I are interested in taking the next step in our relationship - getting engaged then getting married. However, I obviously still struggle with ROCD which distresses me. I am very attracted to him, but have these thoughts that “he’s not the right person for you” even though that couldnt seem further from true. If anyone on here is married, can you share how you made the personal decision to get married to your current partner? Thanks in advance!!
Im in a really difficult place. I have had ROCD symptoms ever since dating my now husband. My doubts began to be about my love for him, is he the one, etc. When we got engaged and before that I was also filled with questions about what do I want with my life and fears of getting married keeping me from fulfilling/exploring my dreams. Fast forward and we have been married for 2 years. I still had those doubts but developed a fear of sex (had sex related ocd themes as a teenager) and this has made intimacy hard and put a strain on our relationship. We have been doing couples therapy for intimacy but it hasnt really helped. I am thinking I need ERP help, because even without physical intimacy, I am still filled with fears related to sex that I obsess over. The strain of all this and my intrusive thoughts have also led me to contemplate divorce. These intrusive thoughts have left me feeling depressed, loss of appetite, unable to sleep. Recently my husband expressed sadness about our lack of intimacy and my doubts about wanting to have kids (his big dream). It triggered even more anxiety and I kept thinking, should we just end this now? I have no energy to plan for kids and one of my obsessions is "do I really want kids? What if I dont?" I didnt dare say that though, I dont want to hurt him and I do love him, he is what I would want in a life partner. But I am struggling so much with my anxiety that its making it hard for me to function. How do I handle all of this when it feels so real and when there seem to be actual reasons for giving up on our relationship (fear of engaging in sex, not sure if I want kids). I would love to have the type of carefree life I see other couples have but I cant deal with all this. I feel stuck, dont want to do something I regret. My worst fear is hurting him. I have struggled to see all this as OCD since it overlaps with life things that feel so real. Wouldnt it make sense to call it quits if sex is problematic? But my thinking is obsessive and I have a history of OCD. Why do I keep feeling like giving up on us and how do I turn this around? Its hard.
Really struggling to determine whether my doubts are vaild or not. I have a very blurry picture of what I envision for my future, ever since I was 18 Ive had this desire to run away and start a new life (22 now) I dont know whether its escapism or just my calling, but I dream of a nomadic life with no attachments to anything. I believe its strongly associated with OCD and the fears I have around commitment. But my partner has goals for his future, he can envision his life, and its becoming an issue that I cant envision mine. We would like to be able to line up our lives to see if we want the same things. Of course I want a life with him, but I am so controlled by fear I cant commit to anything. I cant commit to the idea of settling down, having kids, having a career. They all scare me. We’ve been together for 2 years and I still have been avoiding my thoughts out of fear that the truth is: Im not meant to be with anyone and I need to live life on my own with no ties to anything. My therapist said some really triggering stuff yesterday and now I cant stop thinking about the possibility that we may just be on different life paths, no matter how much we love eachother. Feeling defeated😣
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