I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE

I’m not believing that this is Hocd now , I feel ok about being gay/bi but it’s not my thing !!!! I’m feeling like I have accepted it and my mind is thinking that I’m now gay!! Even when I am calm I don’t react to my thoughts even that they feel weird , every second my mind is “you are bi\gay” “you have found yourself” “you are different” “you are looking at these thoughts just to pretend that you have ocd” , I got so convinced and it’s not leaving , NOW I THINK ACCEPTING THAT IM GAY IS A MATTER OF TIME !!!!

Sexual Orientation OCD

zzyyxx

Date posted: 3y

Well admiring someone and having romantic feelings are two very different things. You may find someone of the same sex attractive. You may think "wow he is cool, he has a great body i wish i could be like him" and it is quite normal. But being gay is not about physical attraction. The process is the same here as it is in heterosexual relationships. You feel romantically drawn to a person only this person would be the same sex. If you were gay you wouldn't find the idea of feeling romantically attracted to a same sex person disturbing. You would know that you were gay and your only fear would be to come out. So what i'm trying to say is, it is normal to be physically attracted to someone or admiring someone. This doesn't mean you are gay.

pacient 1

Date posted: 3y

It just I can’t tell the difference between how I felt when I watched posters of women and posters of males , it’s feeling so real and my mind claims that I had a “crush” on them

zzyyxx

Date posted: 3y

No you are not. You can't be something that make you this anxious. Don't fall for these traps. OCD is full of traps. Thoughts cannot change the way you are. They are just thoughts. Fighting with intrusive thoughts only makes them stronger. Instead accept their existence. I'm not telling you to accept that you are gay. No. I'm telling you to accept these thoughts are just thoughts. I've also been there so i can tell they feel real at that moment but the important thing is to be able to live with that uncertainty. It is not going to be easy but it will get better.

pacient 1

Date posted: 3y

When I was 5-6 years old I used to look at muscular males poster , I would fantasize having their muscles but Idk if it was attraction back then , I used to romantize a lot about women that time , but it’s killing me !!!!

zzyyxx

Date posted: 3y

I can understand. Trust me i've been there. I know that things can get quite blurry when you're dealing with hocd. But i can suggest you to read medical articles, books, publishing etc as much as possible about hocd. Just to know what you are dealing with and to know how to be prepared. Because it is important to know your enemy, right?But you should stop looking for answers to this particular question, am i gay/bi? What if i am gay?etc. It only triggers your anxiety. Instead try to learn the basics and tricks of HOCD and the steps to deal with it. It will help you understand your fears, thoghts and reactions. It can also help you learn how to distinguish between healthy thoughts and intrusive thoughts.

Say101

Date posted: 3y

This is happening to me......my mind is creating false memories ......& My problem is I was never in a relationship cuz I am too shy to approach (as I have G.A.D as well) and I am not very romantic but it felt really good (having a relationship with a woman)....... since 1 year I am suffering from hocd .Now these false attraction feelings are exactly the same with no anxiety.....at this point I am doing E.R.P and accepting the thoughts and content ( cuz I have seen some wer that u should do the reverse of wat your fear tells u)& there is no anxiety of no anxiety when the thoughts they see this is wat u want....and I was like ya (I thought I was winning as I could see they wer fake) but now the not having anxiety of not having anxiety is giving me anxiety (during the attack it convinces me fully) ........now my thoughts r saying k ur r may be 1 % bi & 99% straight........... yesterday I saw in this app only wen a girl asked abut here intrusive thoughts some said that it is internalized homophobia......is that happening to me ( that is what my thoughts say wen I make a disgusting face to the thoughts after a certain point of reversed effect excercise).....I am having these thoughts during morning wood and there is twiching down there (sry for the details I had to mention this cuz I have never seen some one with hocd mention this)......how can this possibly be backdoor spike or just ocd......plz help wat should I do next.....I can't effort therapy right now

zzyyxx

Date posted: 3y

Well i can say that i feel more anxious in the morning too. I don't understand why but my ocd seems to be more active in the morning. You are having anxiety of not having anxiety because you recognized your intrusive thoughts. I'm not saying you accepted the reality if these thoughts. This is not the case. You should accept the existence of these thoughts. Think like this "Ok, in my mind there is this thought of, i might be gay. And my body experiences anxiety due to these intrusive thoughts. But, these are just thoughts. I may be gay. Or i may not be gay. I don't know. And i don't want to try to figure this out now." What gives anxiety to people with OCD is the feeling of uncertainty. So remember we are trying to learn to live with the uncertainty. After you accept the existence of these intrusive thoughts, you will feel anxious. But this is normal too. We are expecting to experience anxiety. You should not do anything to get rid of this anxiety. Embrace it in fact invirlte it. Then do nothing to dissolve it. Keep doing what you were doing. It may be hard at first cause OCD is persistent. So you should be more persistent. Be prepared to say the same sentences over and over again like maybe million times. You will see that it gets easier.

Say101

Date posted: 3y

Thank u very much .......

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

What the HECK?

what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 20w

I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

geodrimilis

Date posted: 20w

Hocd is literally a clown in my head.

Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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I CANT DEAL WITH THIS ANYMORE

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