I can’t

I hear the same thing with almost people with sexual orientation OCD. OCD loves to create doubt and uncertainty. For most, ERP is about the only thing that can help you overcome it.

So it sounds like sexual orientation OCD. And checking behaviors don’t affect everyone with this type. For some, it’s just not part of it or a very minimal part. And most have the same issue regarding not feeling attracted or aroused by the gender they have always been attracted. What you described is very typical with SO OCD. Since for some, checking or not checking have no real impact it’s not surprising it still happens without you checking. Before I was just saying that is a common part of SO OCD, but not with everyone. See how you jump straight to “so it must be real attraction”? That’s what OCD does. It makes you doubt yourself and creates uncertainty. OCD is an illogical disorder. You’re using logic to come up with answers, but the problem with that is you can’t use logic to beat an illogical disorder. It never works

No. Actually you are not anything. OCD pushes intrusive thoughts into your mind. The thoughts are not related to who you are or what you believe in anyway. Now, OCD will try to make you think they are as it attaches to anything that is important to you or creates more fear. It doesn’t make you think about anything, it pushes intrusive thoughts into your mind and makes them keep coming in over and over

That’s completely normal for everyone. Think about what a thought actually is. It’s nothing more then words, images, ideas, memories, etc. that arise in our mind and then, if they have no power over us, they pass on through without a second thought. For example, if you had a random thought such as I wonder if it’s going to rain today. That thought would probably leave almost immediately after you ponder it because it’s not scary or about anything important to you. However, if you have a thought arise about something that creates fear that OCD can jump on, like I could pick up that knife and stab my friend with it, well that’s probably gonna stick around more because of the power we give it. Because it frightens us and we have to ruminate on it, providing you have OCD, in order to let it go. However, both thoughts in a sense are the same. They are neither good or bad until we make them one or the other. The goal is to treat all thoughts the same. Observe them arise in your mind and watch them pass on through without attachment to them. Of course, this is easier sad then done but many people everyday learn to do just that. Mostly through practice of mindfulness meditation

Any advice on groinal feeling like arousal @ Rex P

Yes. First, research has shown that especially with OCD, people can get aroused unrelated to any sexual attraction towards someone, which means those with sexual orientation OCD can feel arousal around same gender people but not actually be sexually attracted by them. Many times it stems from checking behaviors. When they keep checking to see if they are aroused they actually become aroused but it has nothing to do do with their sexual orientation. Once they are able to let go of the obsession and compulsions without hyper focusing on them it tends to stop, because they really aren’t attracted to the same sex, it’s just that OCD does a great job at creating doubt and uncertainty. In my experience, sexual orientation OCD is one of the strongest subtypes that creates the strongest doubt and uncertainty. Many times to the point where the person really starts to believe maybe I am attracted to the same sex, but in reality they aren’t, it’s the Beast of OCD creating it. OCD will attract anything you care about, fear, or don’t want, including making you doubt your own sexuality. ERP is great for this issue

I don’t feel aeousal for women when I want to I just doubt it’s me cuz my ocd was just saying then that I don’t check it still happens when I don’t check so it must be real attraction

@Rex P

Straight away it makes me doubt again and keeps me thinking it’s real

But u feel like I’ve never been attracted to women now I only feel arosual for same sex when I don’t want it it’s like my brain has associated same sex with arousal

Well, first of all it’s kinda hard to get an exact understanding of everything over text. I ask a lot of questions to gain a better understanding. but by text I have to assume some things, which I don’t like doing because you never know if you’re wrong or right. So to clarify a few things. I’m assuming you’re a female with either OCD traits or actual OCD, with a subtype of Sexual Orientation OCD, whose having doubts and uncertainty over your sexual orientation?And you’ve identified as straight all your life until these intrusive or regular thoughts started developing.???

I’m a male

There we have it. The primary problem with text messaging and why therapy would be so difficult y it. . It’s too easy to misinterpret things. My apologies. Also, the reason I don’t like making assumptions. Are you currently in therapy with anyone?

Yh I am but I get arousal to men when I don’t want to and I want to feel it for women and I do checking compulsions I have had ocd is other things but this one just feels to real for it to not be ocd like the aeousal is real it’s not groinal response where it doesn’t feel like arousal

In my experience, sexual orientation OCD seems to be the one capable of creating the most doubt and uncertainty in people. It can literally have people get to the point of starting to believe it because as you say, “just feels so real”. It’s common for most to begin feeling attraction and/aroused when around the same sex and to feel nothing when around the opposite sex. I had one person that had just gotten back together with the “love of my life” only to have SO OCD kick in right after. They had a hard time being around this person when OCD took over but found they enjoyed being with same sex friends. After getting to know them, I had very little doubt that their sexual orientation had changed but it felt so real to them they were beginning to accept it as a new reality. So, what you’re experiencing is actually quite typical with SO OCD. Are you doing ERP therapy with your current therapist? Because I can say with confidence that basic talk therapy isn’t going to do much to help with OCD in general, especially sexual orientation subtype

How does ocd cause that aeousal u speaking about

Good question and I’m not sure if anyone has a researched and concrete explanation except that the mind is a powerful thing. OCD , I don’t think actually creates it. OCD causes the strong uncertainty and doubt and then when you’re around people of the same sex and start checking for arousal you’re bound to notice something that could be labeled as arousal. I’m basing this off of what I’ve seen in working with OCD and having it myself. I can’t tell you exactly what causes it, I just know I’ve worked with many who report feeling it when around people of the same sex. My own personal belief is like I said earlier, if you’re looking or checking for a feeling you are bound to find it in some way or another, however it by no means is evidence that you are actually attracted to them. Some who say they feel arousal and start to think it could be real, at the same time they can say that when they actually imagine being with the opposite sex it is not something they really want or feel turned on by. Being turned on by someone and feeling arousal when around them don’t necessarily mean the same thing. For example, it’s not uncommon for anyone to feel some type of arousal if say, they are given a massage by the same sex, however that doesn’t mean they are sexually attracted to them. I do think that the more the idea that a person could no longer be straight bothers them the more power the idea takes.

But that’s when my ocd it’s real cuz when u look for arousal to women it doesn’t happen so it can’t be when I look for it and check

I didn’t mean to make it sound like checking behaviors is the only way to feel it. Please remember I’m trying to condense something that normally would take an hour or so to discuss into as short of a message as possible. I’ve had clients who didn’t feel any arousal or even sexual attraction to their partners when they checked for or not. Some have reported that when things get intimate they feel nothing. So, checking is just one aspect. When you say “my OCD it’s real” what exactly do you mean by that if you don’t mine my asking?

But when u say a feeling like arousal I feel real arousal for same sex like it’s real and when u try to get aroused by women it’s feels fake

Like I feel like a horny feeling to these intrusive thoughts and I don’t to thoughts if women so it can’t be ocd

Like when u say feeling like arousal do u mean it similar but they aren’t aeoused cuz I feel like turned on so it can’t be ocd