URGES

Okay real quick! I had a therapy session with my OCD therapist and mentioned my intrusive thoughts working on the ambulance. How ill get intrusive thoughts of hurting my patient and an overwhelming urge to slap/hit them and like “what if I did this, what if I get fired for this”. I get super bad anxiety, shaky, and I start to think I’m crazy and a terrible terrible person and I’m just a bad person masking myself with a “good person”. The thought, the urges feel so real. But I WOULD NEVER DO THEM. I often turn myself around and work on my paper work and try to keep my head busy I even find sitting on my hands to reassure myself I would never hurt anyone helps. At times I’ll even rub my patients hand to reassure myself. So after I told her that she asks me “do you ever get a voice in your head telling you to slap them, that you NEED to do this and that” and I never do. It’s just an intrusive thought and urge that makes me feel disgusted and upsetting with myself. Then she says she wants me to tell my doctor and “keep an eye” on this. That I may be a danger to myself or others. I FEEL LIKE IM FREAKING CRAZY NOW. PLUS. A weird one. But when I pick up after my dog I get this intrusive thought like “what if I ate this, what if I slapped it on my face or touched it with my bare hands” and then I get an urge and anxiety and overwhelming disgust and quickly put it away to avoid the images. I mean these urges can’t be real right… I would never act on them!!! I’m beginning to wonder if I’m ACTUALLY crazy and my therapist is right!!!!!!!!!! NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER SESSION TO GET REASSURED. FML. PLEASE HELP. Has anyone felt this way?????? IM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS ALL FREAKING WEEK.

Harm OCD

EFF_OCD

Date posted: 3y

She told you that you may be a danger to yourself or others??? Is she an OCD specialist? Be very careful. If you do not go to an OCD specialist and just a therapist that doesn’t understand OCD, they could make it worse. My therapist is the opposite. She’s not phased by the craziest thoughts I have (I have similar that you have). Hmm. I know we aren’t supposed to reassure on here but you aren’t crazy at all. I think this one is definitely an error with the therapist.

KAD.98

Date posted: 3y

She told me! And I thought she was and she was mentioning “ERP” and felt like she knew the basics. But when I asked her if the urges was also a cause of my OCD and I’m not crazy she said “I think so, I don’t know it could be” and now I think I signed up for a regular therapist. It’s really distressing because I thought it was going to get better but it’s been driving me crazy. I even flipped out and texted her a long paragraph asking if she thought I was crazy because she asked me some very alarming questions and she replied as “Ok.”

KAD.98

Date posted: 3y

@KAD.98 And I sent her the paragraph a couple days ago. And she STILL ended the therapy session with me obsessing a freaking out over the fact I was crazy. 😩

Thejollygian...

Date posted: 23w

My Harm OCD

Basically long story short, ive been dealing with anxiety for a very long time all my life I'm 23 now but about 5 months ago my anxiety started to get really and I overthink a ton and get worried to easily. So my chest hurt for a while from stress at work made me worry why it was hurting, then me worrying and thinking worse case scenarios was making it worse. So i and to go to the doctor and got diagnosed properly with anxiety and I have a med now that I take when I really need it called hydroxyzine but I also have another med that is Zoloft that I have been taking for a about a month now, to help with my intrusive thoughts I have sometimes i only get them when im stressed or when I'm by myself or when i just overthink in general, my loneliness depression is one of the reasons for my anxiety because I wish I had someone as in partner wise to love me and for me to love them. But anyways I've had intrusive thoughts about possibly hurting myself and family, or even my dog. Ive never acted on any of my thoughts in the past and I don't want to but I have had anxiety attacks when everything feels to real and really scares me. I constantly have the thought of am I crazy or am I becoming crazy and stuff and I've done a lot of looking stuff in the past about symptoms but most of them are identical to what anxiety is so it's hard to tell the difference. It's been probably 2 weeks since we last talked. I've been mostly doing good. But I just was wondering if had a little Harm OCD intrusive thought happen yesterday that targeted my Aunt at work she was complaining all day and when it got closer to the end of the shifts for us. I was already annoyed with a situation that happened earlier in the work day. But she came into my department and then went back over to hers and I said it out loud to myself and said you better get back over there or I'll, I tried to say something else because the word I was going to say was kill you. Obviously I don't but that's what my intrusive thought wanted me to say. And made me think thats why i got to hurt her to stop her complaing So the rest of the night I was saying she is safe I am safe I'm control, like this is just anxiety lying to you, it's just because I'm tired and got annoyed earlier. I can't tell if it was working or not because I was so tired and just wanted to go home. But after work her and I spent time together at our house she was on the one couch and I was on the other with a bunch of our dogs in the living room. I tried to keep my mind off of what happened, and I was fighting some stomach achyness already. But I obviously don't want to hurt her and we had conversations just fine. But I went to my other aunt house at night after work to go to bed because she has to watch my aunts dogs because my other aunt and family is on vacation. But anyways I'm trying to get over that word Kill, that word is what is scarring me and sticking. Like my anxiety is lying saying kill, or basically do harm. I don't want to do anything bad but I'm trying to shake that feeling and stickiness of that word. I'm just so scared and worried.

Aphid123

Date posted: 22w

Is this even OCD?

Hey so a couple months ago (7-8) I remember being upset at my family member. Like she was talking too much while I was annoyed and remember wanting her to be quiet. I got an intrusive thought like a really bad image of doing something really bad to her, and my hand twitched to the side a little? Like it felt like I was about to?! And I remembered thinking "if I do this, I'll get in trouble". I got up and left to the bathroom and felt horrified! I was thinking "did I want to act out? Did the only reason I didn't act out was because of getting in trouble? If there was no consequences, would have I done it?! Does this mean this whole time I've been using OCD as an excuse?" I remember I couldn't sleep for 3 nights because of how bad the anxiety was, I was crying and I felt very guilty like I should turn myself in to a mental hospital. I couldn't eat for many days or be near her because of that thought and twitch I had! I'm worried it was an impulse or I actually wanted to hurt her. And even to this day I still ruminanate about this. Like last night I couldn't sleep well I kept waking up every two hours and asking myself "am I capable?" I couldn't eat last night. Sometimes I move on from it like I forget that happened but when I remember, I feel distressed about it! I don't want to be an evil person or do bad actions towards anyone! I'm even scared to be angry because of this because I'm scared I have more "chance" of acting out due to anger. Like was it an impulse and I held back? Is this even OCD? Please help, I'm really scared!

Andi 🤓☝️

Date posted: 19w

What is this?

Recently ive been getting very scared to even be angry bc of the horrible thoughts I have and it feels even more real when I'm angry or even annoyed. Rn I was not even super annoyed at my neice but I felt a twinge of annoyance since she went up to my face and was yelling at me while I was resting on the bed and I got this image of doing something bad to her and I felt my hand twitch very little. I got nervous and felt relieved when her dad told her to stop screaming for no reason. I've been hyperfocusing on my bodily reactions (mainly my hands or how I'm feeling like did I just enjoy that? Was I considering???) And I've noticed the small twitches whenever I'm mad or annoyed and it's scaring me so bad! Like do I want to act out? Am I holding back??? I used to not even twitch at all when mad and I felt 100% sure I'll never act out but now it feels like I don't know bc what do these twitches mean?, I do know I don't want to ever act out but it's so scary. Recently whenever I feel angry once the argument is over I cry really bad after I'm alone and I pray so i never want or act out. And when the annoyance passes I also feel so guilty and want to stay away. Im scared these are real urges and i research for many many hours to make sure they arent urges or impulses and i also tend to ask chatgpt or here if the anxiety gets so bad 😕

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