My mind is admitting to the point where I really think I’m gay and that only sticks there like it’s the truth , saying that I’m straight doesn’t feel right anymore , my head hurts like hell and I need help , I’m just on my own , my mind doesn’t believe on OCD anymore , I don’t have the symptoms everyone has , it’s like I’m convinced
You’re giving yourself reassurance by agreeing with the thoughts if the thought causes stress and anxiety then it’s your ocd you have to stop trying to figure out your sexuality because it will only make your ocd worse
Whenever I feel relieved my mind is like “you are feeling good cause you are telling people you are gay” and it’s so convincing
It’s gives you temporary relief but then the ocd thoughts come back stronger if your having a ocd thought just tell yourself “maybe I am “ “maybe I’m not “ because ocd looks for reassurance and Instant relief
What symptoms do you think everyone else has that you don't have? From what I've seen on your posts you definitely have the symptoms I've felt. I don't want to give reassurance but it definitely sounds like ocd
I’ve been having this memory where I would feel something everytime when I saw a person with good physique when I was 5-6 years old , my mind thinks that it was attraction and I truly don’t know what it was
@pacient 1 Your mind is going to keep searching for "evidence" as long as you keep searching because that's what your ocd wants. Whenever I have an hocd flare-up I'm able to look at my whole past and convince myself I was a lesbian all along. Your brain twists things. When I was recovered for a while I saw my past as a straight girl like I normally had. I laughed at all the "evidence" my brain had previously found when I was in panic-ocd mode. If you feel the need to ruminate, stop yourself and sit with the anxious feeling. It's like sitting with a lump in your throat but it will stop the feelings from coming up again and again and stop the cycle
@Littleducky5 Is this normal what I experienced for a straight guy?
@pacient 1 Absolutely. I hate to give reassurance but you need to believe this is ocd so you can help yourself
@Littleducky5 Thanks for a minute my mind was ok with the thought of being bi , but whenever I countered it , it was like “why are you denying it?” Because I always found gross when 2 guys kissed or anything else
Yeah I get it. I get turned on by girls in lesbian porn sometimes which is what triggered this whole thing for me but I have always liked guys and never gave the porn thing any thought. Then one day I freaked out and used it as evidence and now I can't get the doubts out of my head. They've changed my whole life. Now I have false sensations towards girls in real life which disgusts me but still the thoughts won't stop. I have a boyfriend!
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
Like I can’t think straight. This is making me doubt everything I’ve thought about myself and even makes me feel like I like the thoughts when I know I don’t. Like I would be less anxious at a time while I still have the thoughts and my mind would go “oh so you like it you must be gay” or the other one where I’m not anxious and I think of my attraction for girls that I’ve had my whole life and my mind goes “see now you’re not into them you’re gay” like it’s so stupid but so effective. I clearly remember being into girls my whole life but my mind is making me believe that all these attractions and feelings for women were all fake or “a thing of the past”. But I can still get aroused by women but I have this weird anxiety going on which brings these sensations/feelings and it’s so weird. Today I’ve spent my whole day thinking about it like I’ve been doing for 5 months now. I know that this aint normal but my mind just won’t let me live in peace. I never cared about my sexuality cuz I simply liked women my whole life but now my sexuality is a fundamental philosophy. I hate this.
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond
