Tocd very confused

I can’t tell if I’m in denial, every time I have the thought that I’m transgender I see an angel number without fail they’re always there I’m so confused I’ve never liked stuff that guys did and I’ve never felt gender envy but I’m so hyper aware of that kind of stuff now and I don’t get anxious when I have those thoughts instead now I get so anxious about being a woman and it’s so discouraging because I love being a woman and have always idolized feminine things like beauty and makeup and have always shown that im interested in more feminine hobbies but now I just feel like a stranger to myself and it’s so confusing I don’t know how im supposed to feel and it gets so overwhelming that I get super scary feelings of not wanting to be here anymore I just want to feel like my old self again I can’t tell if this is my ocd or if im in some kind of denial, I keep having thoughts that I need to like come out to my parents or something but I don’t want to because I don’t want to identify as transgender I don’t want to be with women and I don’t want to be a trans man in a relationship with a man but I feel like I can’t see myself as a woman anymore and I hate it like if I try to imagine myself in a scenario I can’t see myself as desired I guess by men and that they don’t see me as a woman if that makes any sense? I hate this so much I love being a woman and I don’t want that to stop or end or change

sharveri khapre

Date posted: 3y

I relate with you so so much

sharveri khapre

Date posted: 3y

Can we talk?

khm

Date posted: 3y

yes please!!!

sharveri khapre

Date posted: 3y

@khm Can you tell me your ig?

khm

Date posted: 3y

It’s @kerriganhmiller

sharveri khapre

Date posted: 3y

Dmed you!

book_worm17

Date posted: 3y

Trust me I can 100% relate. What’s adding to my struggle though is the fact that I’m not straight (going back and forth between lesbian and bi), and I feel like this is adding to my stress bc I’m almost telling myself that liking women makes me less feminine (which it obviously doesn’t but it’s just the doubt). But yeah it’s just so confusing, I mean I have always loved being a woman and I was pretty into feminism, but now I feel like I don’t even know myself. I feel hyper aware of my she/her pronouns and I feel like I’m constantly analyzing my features and voice. This just sucks so much and I want to feel confident in my gender and identity again :(

khm

Date posted: 3y

i was literally having such a hard time like 2 minutes ago like I was just breaking down crying because my intrusive thoughts keep attaching to angel numbers or at least I see them all the time now and I’m constantly checking the time to make sure it’s not an angel number or that I’m thinking the right thing when it is (sorry so off track but its just apart of my stress right now too) but anyway it constantly makes me feel like I have to accept these thoughts and that this is who I “truly” am and it’s so overwhelming because the moment I like genuinely think about it I break down crying and telling myself that that’s really not what I want and it’s not who I feel like I am but at the same time I’m so confused and don’t feel like myself that I think I am these thoughts and it’s always so discouraging, so seeing this just helped so much that I’m not the only one feeling these things like I just feel so numb and depressed I don’t feel happy anymore or confident and I do the exact same I’m always listening for pronouns and checking to see how I feel towards them and I am always analyzing my features too and feeling as though I look more masculine and it just makes me so sad because I know I look like a girl but I just don’t feel confident in myself anymore to feel like a girl if that makes sense, and I really want to be a girl I love being a girl but being so hyper aware of my features I feel like I might be tricking myself and thinking I look like a guy and it’s just constantly killing my confidence and self esteem and I also analyze my voice too and I love my voice I don’t want to change it but I’m always like checking in to see if I’m expressing any kind of gender envy and I don’t feel like I am but I get worried that I might. I feel you this is so confusing and just overwhelming and real like it’s very convincing and I just don’t know what to believe anymore and I am always feeling like my anxiety is trapping me or tricking me into thinking that I don’t want to be a girl anymore because I get anxious when I think about it idk I’m just so confused. I’ve also always loved my name and felt as though it suited me and just grew to really like it and I’ve just never wanted to change it. Yeah I feel like someone took or stole my femininity and I have thought if I was going through like an identity crisis or something and also have felt very existential because I’m just so hyper aware and I think dissociative but idk it has felt like that but I do get very in my head and just lost track of things and get very disorganized also haven’t been able to maintain an appetite, I’ll feel better and get hungry but I overthink how I feel and what I’m thinking when I get hungry and then I just lose my appetite again (I kind of attach it to if I get hungry then it’s me returning to myself again but idk if that might be a compulsion or if that’s healthy) I’m sorry you’re going through this but I’m here if you need anyone to talk to it just helps a lot knowing you’re not alone!!

khm

Date posted: 3y

so sorry this comment is so long!!!

Misspink30

Date posted: 1y

@khm I have felt this too! It’s so triggering!

khm

Date posted: 3y

sorry this is so long, I just can’t tell if my ocd is focusing on maybe me doubting my feminitity or just not feeling as confident in my body right now and so it’s targeting that or what I’m just very confusing and worried

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Doubts about self expression

This obsession is new, but feels so much more grounded and it’s so anxiety inducing. Since the ocd started I’ve lost my sense of self and confidence. I got soocd and it slowly turned into be doubting my identity on whether I want to identify or dress masculine or feminine. I don’t feel good in the clothes I would typically wear out before I’m constantly overanalyzing how I’m feeling , it makes me really anxious and like I’m preforming. So then I started doubting if I would rather dress masculine and it’s extremely anxiety inducing and idk if it’s the ocd now but it feels like that’s how I want to dress.. that’s not what I associated with at all before the ocd but now it feels like that’s what would make me feel fully confident and loose in the world, does anyone else experience this??

gwen_weaver

Date posted: 16w

am i trans or am i confused?

My boyfriend is ftm, and I’m very supportive of him and his journey with gender. It opened a lot of conversations between us about each others gender/sexuality. I’ve known for a long time that i’m pan, but I’ve struggled a lot with my own gender. My OCD causes me to doubt myself a lot, one day i feel hyper feminine and have no desire to identify as a man, but the next day I am extremely dysphoric about my body/hair/voice and wonder if I’m ftm as well? and then it goes away the next day. Some days I don’t even feel feminine OR masculine. I spend a lot of my time ruminating over if i’m trans, and abt the possibility of me spending the rest of my life either not knowing, or settling for whatever’s easiest for myself and everyone around me. I don’t know if I actually believe I’m a man, or if I’m pretending, or if it’s just in my head. Its like I don’t know what to trust since my opinion is different every day, and it feels like I can’t trust my own intuition. It’s starting to affect my sex drive, my sleep, my self confidence, and my self image. It’s really confusing me and I’m wondering if anyone can relate or has some advice. Thank you:)

Anonymous

Date posted: 13w

I feel so different from others

I feel different from others, I don’t feel as feminine and I feel like I’ve changed. I’m not sure why I feel this way. I also don’t think my ocd is ocd, it’s just something I told myself to feel better. I know! What if I am what if I’m not, I get it, but I don’t feel like i have a choice in the matter anymore. I have soocd and it’s eaten me alive for years. I woke up out of my sleep and got triggered and here I am. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I always wanted a boyfriend and now It seemed to change. I don’t want a girlfriend, it’s just that I don’t see anything for myself and I feel like I’m hiding. It’s hard to explain. Plus sometimes the way I move or speak makes me feel more masculine and it kills me. Im feeling so lost and alone right now. I know what I want deep down but I feel incapable of having those things because I won’t be able to have feeling. If that makes sense.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Tocd very confused

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community