Is it possible to suddenly develop ROCD?

Hi, I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years. 2 weeks ago, I suddenly started questioning everything about my relationship. It started with ‘do i actually like him?’ to ‘did i fool him and myself for 2 years?’ and ‘did i just stop loving him’. I started crying uncontrollably, because I didn’t want to have these thoughts. I even went to see my GP and they gave me some pills to calm down. 2 weeks further and nothing has improved, the thoughts have gotten worse and I’m still constantly thinking about whether I am in the right relationship. It started with checking if I liked being with him and checking if I liked every move he made, I couldn’t stop checking and I couldn’t act like everything was ok when I was around him, I can’t even be happy around him anymore because of these thoughts. I started noticing his imperfections, which never bothered me at all. All I can think about are the moments when we argued and those imperfections. This never bothered me before and I constantly feel guilty about it and I’m thinking he deserves better. Before I had these thoughts, so the past 2 years, I always thought he was the one that was going to leave me, now it has changed to ‘what if I’m the one leaving him?’. I used to check if he liked being with me and when something felt off I used to tell him I love him, hoping he would say it back, to make sure he still does. Are those signs of ROCD? All I want now is to go back in time, to when I was happy to be around him. I don’t want to doubt, I know we can have a great time together, why can’t I think about that now? Is it even possible I have ROCD? Am I using ROCD as an excuse to have these thoughts? I haven’t been diagnosed and getting help for OCD in my country is really hard. How do I get rid of the thoughts?

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

That sounds exactly like what happen to me. But I choose to stay because I love my girlfriend. And thought I can’t help the doubts and questions she understands and supports me. But I choose to stay and to love. Because ultimately love is a choice. Not a feeling. Not even the feeling of uncertainty. It’s more than that. I think of it as a gift of self to fight for her and choose her.

Nica

Date posted: 3y

Whenever you interact with an intrusive thought, that signals to your OCD to put it on your radar. The more you push against and fight the intrusive thought/s, the more you’re signaling to your OCD those thoughts are scary and dangerous. In turn, it’ll keep showing you those thoughts. So yes, you can develop any theme but it’s because you paid too much attention to the intrusive thoughts.

calico87

Date posted: 3y

I had something very similar happen to me in my 9 year marriage. My ROCD began when I was going through many transitions and changes in my life. I have found that it helps to notice the thoughts and treat them as though they were not interesting. I also found that my ROCD lessens when I am taking care of myself, eating regularly, exercising and doing self-care.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

It’s ROCD. Just knowing the difference helps allow you to accept it.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

Though I can’t help the doubts and questions, she understands and support me.*

JB1020

Date posted: 3y

This sounds a lot like ROCD, although you should talk to a professional if you can and get diagnosed and/or try the ROCD test at ocdla.com (https://ocdla.com/relationship-ocd-rocd-test). ROCD can theoretically develop at any point in a relationship. It is often spurred by big steps (moving in, engagement, marriage, etc...). Also ROCD may become more likely as the initial "infatuation" stage of a relationship wears off (which happens for everybody!). It can take the form of either "attaching" (worried about how your partner views you) or "avoiding" (worried about how you view your partner). First thing's first: Take a few deep breaths, go look in the mirror and tell yourself it'll be O.K., because it will. The way to attack all OCD themes is the same: 1) Identify the intrusive thoughts - anything related to relationship causing you anxiety (e.g. do I actually love him?) + 2) Identify the compulsions, or anything that you think of or do to alleviate that anxiety (e.g. maybe you think back to the "good times" or moments of clarity) +3) Get in the habit of noticing the intrusive thoughts and *resisting* the compulsions. By tolerating the uncertainty and anxiety over time, we teach ourselves to worry about it less. It also helps a lot to realize that love is really choice & action, not feeling. We don't "feel" loving to people we know we love all the time. Katie D'Ath's Youtube videos are helpful on OCD. Good luck! You can do this!

faye1010

Date posted: 24w

ROCD

Good morning everyone, I need some opinions or help on what people might think is wrong. March 2024 is when I started questioning everything about my relationship for no reason he is everything that I wanted, but my mind is trying to tell me that it isn't April 2024 was probably one of the worst times of my life I stayed home from work because I was constantly crying and totally sick because I didn't know what to do. The thoughts slowly started to not bother me as much. I feel like since it ever started I never have gotten that. Love feeling back for my boyfriend, but I want it back so bad because when I did have it, it was absolutely amazing. I have no desire to kiss him or be intimate with him either which also scares me fast-forward to today. I am waking up with so many doubts in questioning myself. Is this ever gonna go away or am I ever gonna feel that love back for my boyfriend ever again? I feel like I'm wasting his time and my time because it feels never ending. I went to a therapist shortly after starting to deal with this and she didn't really seem to help so now on Wednesday I have a new therapist that specializes in OCD I think does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

i need help, i dont know what is happening

I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.

Bugsthem

Date posted: 9w

ROCD

I just read a post that said “people with ROCD know they love their partners” right when I read it I got this horrible anxiety feeling rush down into my stomach. My partner asked me to be his girlfriend in December and literally since that night It’s like a switch of doubt turned on and I was suffering with consistent doubt about loving my partner, I felt like I didn’t feel anything anymore and I didn’t know what to do and through out the past months it has been an absolute wave of things going on. He is aware of my ocd and in a way I’m glad that this happened because I have had harm ocd for the past 4-5 years and had no idea what it was until 2 months ago when I got an OCD therapist, I just thought I was crazy so I’m happy to know I’m not. Buuuuttt back to the ROCD, my main thoughts and feelings are about not feeling like i love my partner anymore and if we’re compatible, I hyper fixate on the weight he’s gained in the past few months and all the bad food he eats, I think about if our lives even align, we have very different views on some things but are we too different, what if we really don’t know each other at all and we thought we did because we’ve been best friends for 10 years. This is so frustrating because I’ve gotten to the point where my anxiety is barely there, I was have constant outrageous anxiety for 3-4 months and now I’ve gotten to this numb, I literally feel absolutely nothing feeling and it’s not even with just my boyfriend it’s with everything, I just don’t feel happy with anything anymore, I feel like there’s something wrong with me. We got into an argument the other day about how rude I was and I didn’t even feel sad or apologetic when he was talking to me about it, and I couldn’t stop crying, like I just don’t feel anything. I feel like there’s something really wrong with me. All I can describe it as is “blank” does that make sense? I feel like a bad person and I feel like we’re going to break up and I can tell how sad he is. All I do know is that I don’t want to break up. But anytime I think about him or anything along the lines of my ROCD everything like freaks me out. I like scream “NO” and “STOP” in my head all the time. But it’s starting to really feel real. I’m so scared, and now I read that post that said that “people with ROCD know they love their partner” but WHAT IF I DONT KNOW!!! I WANT TO LOVE MY PARTNER. I want to feel the love I had for him before this all started. We were so happy, and we didn’t even get the honey moon phase because my ROCD started right when we made it official. This is seriously so crippling.

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Is it possible to suddenly develop ROCD?

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