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That sounds like OCD too. I know it’s hard, but let it scream and try not to pay attention to it. When something screams for attention and isn’t answered it eventually goes hoarse.

Nothing is really gone, my friend. Your OCD is lying to you, trying to convince you that it is. Keep fighting. You can do this.

What you said happens to me everyday too. What is happening is that your brain has a kind of trauma, okay? Not as bad as it sounds, but it has. It has happened so much, the questions, the compulsion, the anxiety, etc... Now everytime you see a girl, you are just afraid. And is normal that in your state of mind, all your attention comes to that. This is what anxiety does. It tries to protect you for what you think is dangerous, so that you start to feel panic, you start to do more questions and finally have desperation about the theme. This is why ocd is a Disorder. Your anxiety doesn't work well. You have adequate your behaviours so bad into this, into ocd, that is always the same. There is treatment, medication to anxiety and depression, erp, uncertainty, cbt, actually talking with a therapist about this. You need that. And I understand that you only want to cry every night, because I do. I feel it. But that is okay. Do you really think all people here is that blind that we prefer to suffer from this, months or years, than accepting another sexuality? Because that is what is not true. Is just not right that this has to happen to you, I know. So much.. But here we are, and here we stand. And you are not alone. I don't have the answer you need. I'm not you. But also because I know something like that... just doesn't exist.