Guilt

Does anyone feel a weird sense of guilt for not going along with the things people say you should do? Like breaking up, or finding the freedom in being single/polyamorous, *or insert whatever thing it is for you* (by the way, my intention is to not offend anyone who identifies with these things, just to share some similarities with folks who might be in the same position as me). Can anyone let me know the things they feel guilty for not necessarily doing? Because the brain makes it all seem so good and whatnot but I choose to stay with my monogamous partner and not break up❤️

Relationship OCD

mcbridef

Date posted: 3y

What’s funny is even you saying those things about my dreams being important it feels a little triggering. But you’re right, maybe my dreams are not what I had originally expected, and yes finding a way to follow them while with my partner is the goal. I also feel like it’s hard to even know what dreams I have anymore. Do you feel this way ever? Maybe it’s the ocd I don’t know.

crc_1394

Date posted: 3y

I can understand that too! But the importance of your dreams does not negate the love you have for your partner! Both things can coexist. I don’t doubt that you’ll find a way. And yes I’ve had these feelings before. Feeling like the relationship is the only thing that’s important to me or the only thing that my mind can focus on. But ocd does block out the other things we care about and you can’t let it stop you from dreaming, having goals, etc. The ocd may be even more severe because you’re not giving your energy to other things in your life as well!

mcbridef

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for your encouragement, it really helps. You’re totally right about that! All of my thoughts and energy revolve around my relationship and my ocd 😞 I get excited when I find myself thinking about something else! But it’s usually quite fleeting unfortunately. And yes, sometimes I think I should delete all the OCD resources I have and unfollow all the insta accounts so I can just try and forget about it!!

mcbridef

Date posted: 3y

I guess I feel a little bit of guilt for not “following my dreams” or putting my relationship first. I always think about how people say, especially on social media, to live your best life and to go after your dreams. But to be in a committed relationship you have to put eacjotber first and not be selfish and just leave. I guess I struggle with this sometimes. Mainly I feel guilty for having negative thoughts about my partner and the relationship. And not telling him makes me feel like a total liar too 😔

crc_1394

Date posted: 3y

Ah I see. I can understand that. Well, all I can offer is that your dreams should still be manifested in some fashion. It may not be how you were originally expecting to do things but you should definitely find a way to follow them. While with your partner. I hope your partner understands that your dreams are important. And it’s ok to have negative thoughts and feelings about them and the relationship. It’s a natural part of life, doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing by staying with them. And plus, we have ocd so that doesn’t make things better. I think people on social media etc make me feel guilt bc I just simply am not choosing the paths they claim are very intoxicating. And it makes me feel bad bc my brain tells me I’m doing the wrong thing by NOT going along with what they say. Even if some of those things have exciting elements to them. Idk, life is tricky. But I wish you all the best!

mcbridef

Date posted: 3y

I feel like this thread became about me somehow. What about you?? What is the guilt you are talking about feeling? How does it show up for you? How do you handle it?

savvyp

Date posted: 24w

Feeling guilt

I sometimes come back to this particular feeling and thought. So when I first met my partner I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. I don’t think I thought he was ugly by any means. I met him at work along with another new go worker and I thought the other co worker was cuter than my current partner. That alone fills me with guilt but what’s even WORSE was that I told a friend “Oh man I wish that guy was in our group instead of the other.” Something like that. I feel so much freaking guilt over that comment. I adore my partner and this always fills me with shame. I think my partner is the most beautiful man in the world and I kick myself that that was my first thought or worlds about him. I don’t know what to do. I want to confess but how do you even say that to your partner? I just feel so guilty and awful inside….

sunbear28

Date posted: 24w

Irrational Guilt in 5 month relationship

Ive been having terrible irrational thoughts that Ive cheated and don’t remember. Like the guilt made me repress the memory and im actually an awful person and someone’s gonna expose me. I know it’s not true and I love my boyfriend more than anything but i feel so guilty for something ive never done. its been making my life so difficult and i dont know how to explain it without sounding like im covering something up :( Its making me think that I need to break up and i don’t want too, but the guilt and anxiety is eating away at me. I feel like I need to get better before I continue on or i’m going to permanently ruin everything with my mental illness

Bonzo82

Date posted: 23w

Guilt over memories

I had a life before I was with my partner, that involved having girlfriends and one night stands, etc. That's a lifetime of memories that I now feel guilty for having. Something as silly as watching a TV show with my girlfriend will make me think "I used to watch this show with an ex, is it ok to watch it with my current girlfriend?" and I will feel real guilt over it and need to seek her reassurance. There are other memories, about "intimate" times, that sometimes come into my head and I have urges to share them with my girlfriend to alleviate the guilt I feel for having the memory. Fundamentally, I feel guilty every time I have a memory of an ex, often regardless of the content. I feel like I shouldn't have thoughts of anyone else other than my current partner and it's wrong to have memories of exes. When I do, I feel guilty, ruminate, then have the uncontrollable urge to share the memories with her. She gets upset, I get upset, but also feel relief that I've shared. Does anyone have any similar experiences and/or tips around this sort of issue? Thanks.

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Guilt

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