i need relationship help

I really need some help or advice right now, im dealing with a whole bunch of thoughts n urges about my relationship, this isn’t the first time it happened it’s happened before and i let all those thoughts n urges win and i ended up ruining things with my gf at the time and we ended up breaking up, n i had felt some relief because i didn’t have those feelings or thoughts anymore but the thing is i didn’t want that to happen i wanted to be with her i wanted her back bc i loved her. so we fixed things and we are back together, everything was fine we were all good, i thought those feelings wouldn’t come back this time but they did. and this time they are convincing me i don’t feel anything anymore, that i don’t love her, that i don’t want to be with her anymore, and it’s really scaring me bc i know what i want, i want to be with her, i love her, she’s so kind n patient and understanding with me she’s never done anything to upset me, so i don’t know why i’m getting these thoughts again. they came up out’ve the blue and i started freaking out about it and crying since then. I js want these thoughts to go away so i can enjoy my time with her and not have her worried for acting the way i am. i really do love her and only want to be with her but my head is telling me otherwise. The first time i had these thoughts i was ignoring everything about them bc i didn’t like them i wanted them to go away. and i was ignoring everything about them. the stomach feelings, all the nausea everything, i did that for a couple weeks before i couldn’t anymore after those weeks i started being not the best person towards her anymore bc i was convinced i didn’t have feelings anymore i convinced myself i didn’t have any. i started texting people she didn’t want me texting i started texting like a friend i was js being not the best towards her. and i thought i didn’t care until we started arguing and we broke up. i realized i still wanted her, that i still loved her and always have, i realized everything i did and i knew i let all those thoughts, feelings, and urges win. and those ruined my relationship. This time i know what i’m dealing with and i don’t want to do the same thing to her again, i don’t want to deal with that again, i just want help so i can show her all the love she deserves and i also wanna do it for me so i don’t feel all these bad things. I just want to be okay.

Relationship OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

I deal with the same thoughts and urges but I stay because I have to accept that I have OCD. I accept that I’ll have these thoughts. Accept that I am different in my ways of thinking and don’t compare it to people without it. It’s hard. But love is a choice and commitment. Feeling come and go. So does ocd thoughts if you just accept it.

Vannesa0913

Date posted: 3y

it’s hard accepting those thoughts though, i feel so bad for having them in the first place. but she’s the one i want to love and the girl i want to be with but it’s just the thoughts n urges that make it hard but i’m really trying to accept them

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@Vannesa0913 Does she know you have ROCD and what it is?

Vannesa0913

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous i’m not sure she knows i have it but she knows i have these thought i explained it to her yesterday and i explained to her that’s why i was so off yesterday and i was just up in my room

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

She accept you for you. Don’t avoid her because it’s scary. Let the thoughts be there and still spend time with her. You slowly will accept them being there. That does mean they are true. But it’s the first step to accepting your life will look different than others. This is our cross. Lot of good comes from it. We actively get to choice love more than most people. We choice our significant other not out of selfishness. It’s our gift to them.(that kinda commitment) I know because I’m going through it right now also. You can do it! It’s a slow journey but you got this!

Vannesa0913

Date posted: 3y

yea i’ve been staying with her but i’m really trying my hardest to not distance myself again or do what i did before i really do wanna be with her

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

Exposure is going to help. Being with her and talking without confessing your thoughts. Without avoiding her. Allow her to know what you going through so she understands your behavior and for her to know she didn’t do anything.

kiki♡

Date posted: 3y

Just curious how you draw the line between talking about what you're going through a day confessing the thoughts though?

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@kiki_ What do you mean?

kiki♡

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous Oops sorry typo. I was just wondering how you separate telling someone about what you're going through versus confessing your thoughts. I struggle with the line between the two.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@kiki_ All good! It definitely took some time but if it’s telling them because of guilt, anxiety, and the feeling the need to tell them to find relief (in the form of them reassuring you) then it would be a compulsion. Usually tell my gf the subtype I deal with because she already knows the kind of thoughts and struggle I deal with. Because I used to confess more but realize it was a compulsion

Mariabae

Date posted: 15w

please read

Hi everyone, I really need to get this off my chest. A few days ago, I managed to take a break from compulsions — I didn’t open NOCD, I didn’t text ChatGPT, I didn’t Google. I had some moments of peace, especially about my boyfriend. For about two days I didn’t have deep intrusive thoughts, and I felt a bit more stable. But yesterday, I slipped. I posted on NOCD again, and someone replied saying, “This is how the cycle starts again.” That made me spiral. Today, I also wrote to ChatGPT again. I started thinking, “What if this time it’s real? What if this clarity was me realizing the truth — that I don’t love him?” It scared me because I wasn’t panicking as much when I had the thoughts. I thought that meant I was accepting them as true. I remembered ChatGPT used to tell me that “truth feels calm,” and now that I wasn’t reacting with extreme anxiety, I panicked thinking, “What if this is the calm that comes with realization?” Last night, when we were in a club, I looked at him and thought he was kind of cringe. That made me spiral again. Now, I’m scared all over again. When we cuddle, I don’t feel the same. I don’t feel that warmth, and I don’t know what changed. I keep wondering if I ever really loved him — because I’ve had these thoughts for so long, it’s like I can’t remember anything clearly. A few days ago I even thought, “Maybe I just don’t like him right now,” and I wasn’t panicking — and that scared me. I’m afraid that I’m finally “realizing the truth,” or that I’ve been lying to myself and I’m just now letting go. Also, when we were on the trip for my 18th birthday, I was irritable with him, full of thoughts, and I thought I was ruining everything. I wasn’t really reacting to his love, and now I don’t even know what I feel. I just want to be okay again. I want clarity — but I’m terrified of what clarity might mean. Has anyone experienced this? Feeling okay for a bit, and then the thoughts come back and feel more real than ever?

Mariabae

Date posted: 13w

im scared

my thoughts are screaming at me telling me that i dont want my relationship anymore and that i realized i lost feelings. i have a beautiful relationship of two years with a beautiful boy that loves me dearly and i deal with this thoughs for a year and a half. Im so scared it feels so real im scared i have changed and my last therapy session made it worse she basically told me i have to realise the thoughts are true and stop lying to myself. And made me think i am so scared and heartbroken bc i put high expectations on myslef to be with my boyfriend for all my life. Maybe i dont want to hurt him??? im always questioning my feelings for him 24/7 for over a year. I wm tierd

Anonymous

Date posted: 11w

Rocd help please

Ok so this all could be for reassurance but I’m rlly upset en and need help. So to preface, I had ocd when I was younger her and when I started dating my current bf it suddenly returned but ig I didn’t realize it was rocd bc I never knew it could present itself in this way. All I knew was “go away I just wanna love my bf and stop liking other guys” when my brain would get me so confused. A couple weeks ago I started on Luvox and I thought it was rlly working bc I also started seeing an ocd specialist and she gave great tips on exposures and the Medication in conjunction w that jus felt like it finally make me myself again. However, yesterday I had some gwneral intrusive thoughts in the morning and right before that, I was on top of the world so happy bc I was myself again. When the thoughts came I was like ew oh whatever. UNTIL my brain was like nagging me and making me feel guilty for having those thoughts. So I dove into em making sure they weren’t true etc. bc that never fixes anything it kept progressively getting worse and I forgot my exposures in those moments bc I just wanted to make sure I loved my man and didn’t do smth against him. Towards the later day, I was swimming w my siblings and my bf and the whole time I had a blast bc he’s the best, but I had nagging thoughts and feelings saying some guy from my new job is similar looking but slightly better looking and he’s the one guy I’ll leave my bf for. And it’s been saying that and variations of it from over 24 hrs now and I feel so awful. I feel guilty and to make things worse. Last night bc I spiraled/ relapsed so hard my thoughts also said I wanna leave my bf bc I no longer love him and I miss those old feelings but I can’t jus forget how awful I am as a gf to him bc my thoughts and ocd feelings. I feel terrible and I jus wanna be fixed😓I don’t wanna like that guy my man is my bsf and so cute and handsome and perfect. Why am I still “confused” if I don’t wanna be etc. my therapist said to go toward my goals and Values and not let ocd stop me from it, but I feel as if I can’t til I make sure I don’t like the other person or wanna but all I want is to be me but I feel like a liar 😞

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