Is it ROCD or just relationship anxiety?

I’m entering a new relationship and am so so scared. Is it ROCD or am I having realizations that maybe we’re just not compatible? I really really like this person but I’ll just wake up with thoughts like “omg he’s not super affectionate and he’ll never be that - I want someone who is” and then just start spiraling. I’ve had other thoughts like - He’s not it. - I’m settling. - I don’t feel like he’s asking me questions, we’re not getting vulnerable. - I think I like him. - What if I don’t like him? - Maybe I don’t really like him. - What’s the point of continuing this if I already know it’s not going to work? - Do I know if it’s not going to work? I don’t know? - Why do I get so anxious when I have this thought? It must mean that my intuition is telling me it’s not going to work - I have conversations with other people that are easier Please help, is this OCD or am I just denying my own basic needs in a relationship and staying in it because I don’t want to hurt this person? Can anyone relate to these thoughts at all?

Relationship OCD

Username: ada110ada110

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I really relate to this. My poor partner, I think so negatively about them/us sometimes. Maybe it doesn't matter whether you call it ROCD or anxiety; I've read advice that uses the terms interchangeably. There's an episode of the OCD stories podcast on it that might be worth you checking out, #317. I relate to it also being hard because the relationship is a real thing and there are valid feelings and potential issues that any couple has to navigate, so it's hard to wonder what is worth listening to without getting trapped in overthinking. It's early days in your relationship so my advice would be don't rush things and just get to know the person, try and find ways to enjoy their company and get to know them better and see how things go. Some of this might resolve itself in time when you feel more secure with this person or get to know them better. Remember what your values and boundaries are and see in time if they align and your partner can meet them.

Username: anonymous9897anonymous9897

Date posted: 1y ago

@ada110 Hi @ada110 do you mi

Username: you.are.enoughyou.are.enough

Date posted: 2y ago

I super relate to this! I've had pretty much every single thought you've had with my partner & our relationship, especially in the first few months. The doubt was pretty intense during the first 6 weeks. We've been together for 10 months now, and honestly, I still have these thoughts sometimes. Doubt is still there, but it's less intense. What's also there is a lot of love for my partner, which has grown over the last few months. As I've gotten to know him, I've come to see that he's not a perfect person. There are things that I don't get from him that I know I'd like & that potentially another partner could give me, such as someone who asks me a lot of questions about my work or passions. But these aren't deal breakers for me. And there are so many things that I do get with him that I highly value, like someone who responds to my vulnerability with kindness & respect even though he does not understand everything I'm experiencing or going through. In the beginning, when the doubt was so strong & I was so scared that it wasn't right & that maybe I didn't actually like him, I pushed through because there were things about him that I really liked & that showed me what a great partner could possibly be for me. And even though I still experience doubt & I don't know whether he & I will be together forever, I know that right now, I care about this person enough to keep choosing them & to continue developing our relationship. I can't give you any reassurance or tell you that for sure this is or isn't your OCD. But what I can tell you is that if there are things you really like about this guy, then it's okay to keep choosing to get to know him & continue the relationship, despite the presence of doubt.

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

I definitely think it’s your OCD! Don’t let this take away from something that could be great! Also I think maybe talking to him about your ocd at some point! I’m in a long term relationship and my parented and I are super open about my ocd! It helps a lot!

Username: AnonymousAnonymous

Date posted: 2y ago

@Anonymous Partner

Username: Sake

Date posted: 4y ago

How to tell the difference between normal relationship doubts and ROCD? Im going on a rant now: I have avoided relationships for the most part over the last 10 years. as soon as I get past the 2nd or 3rd date I feel like if I dont know that they have the potential to be “the one” then I worry constantly about wasting my life and theirs. I had 2 relationships that lasted about 3 months but the whole time, I just wanted to get out even though they were both good guys. In November, I had my first panic attack and soon discovered what I was dealing with (and still managing it) is SO-OCD. Then I learned of ROCD and wondered if that is something I have struggled with since my teens. As soon as I get into a relationship I have these strong urges to break it off for minor stupid things. Things that honestly make no sense. Like a weird freckle or chin (real examples). Not to mention I am afraid of getting intimate because Im super paranoid of getting pregnant... I started talking to a guy during quarantine and it’s slowly turning into more than friends. I really like him and enjoy spending time with him but I am constantly worried. Being aware of ROCD has helped me be mindful of the present but all my old habits are trying to come back full force and I find myself trying to avoid him. Ive read as much as I can find on ROCD and I can check off almost all the obessions and compulsions that are associated with ROCD. But it doesnt affect me the same way SO-OCD did. Like I felt like I couldnt breathe, and I could barely be in public. I wanted to escape so bad all the time. With this ROCD (if thats what it really is) I dont feel that panic, I just feel worried, stuck, and distracted. Not to mention, if I can manage to stay mindful, how on earth do you even tell someone you just started seeing that you have ocd, let alone so-ocd and rocd. It just adds to me wanting to avoid him. Also, how do you go from being dateless and single for 2 years to starting a relationship in the middle of a quarantine while you’re learning that you have OCD.

Username: brhtpurple

Date posted: 4y ago

I’ve had doubts my whole relationship with my boyfriend. Things like “you don’t find him attractive. You don’t think he’s funny. You’re lesbian because you don’t love him. You don’t love him at all. You think he’s annoying. You think his face looks weird. You want to be with other guys. He doesn’t make you happy.” But I always cry and get upset at the thought of losing him. Is that ocd, or something wrong with the relationship. It’s so hard to tell if this is Rocd or if this is one of those, “you never loved nor were interested in him in the first place.” Type things. I want to be interested and in love with him so bad, but I feel like all these thoughts get in the way. :( I don’t get that crazy “you love him so much,” feeing everyone talks about. Like yeah I know I feel for him and love him for who he is, but I don’t feel crazy deep in love :(

Relationship OCD

Username: BreaG

Date posted: 1y ago

ROCD - help

I believe I (currently) am experiencing ROCD. Growing up as a child, I was always double checking the door was locked, wouldn’t walk on cracks, had to count to step. I eventually grew out of it. But I feel it has grown into ROCD. I currently have a year long relationship with a person I love and has treated me very well. I have plans to move in with him and I went job seeking at his house (we are long distance) last weekend. I had anxiety the entire time. I kept telling myself, I’m scared, what if this doesn’t work, what if this is telling me to break free of the relationship, what if I’m not attracted to him, and I was avoidant because I was so scared to feel the anxiety around/with him and question it all again. Once the anxiety would settle I would cry to him about it and tell him I’m just scared and everything is caving in. But is this normal in ROCD? I found myself googling everything the weeks leading up to me going. I once told him to give me space (he is very affectionate and I am not) and very selfless when it comes to calls/texts. PLUS - long distance adds to that. With everything, I started googling it all nonstop for days and feared we aren’t meant for each other. Now when he calls I feel anxious because I don’t want to feel that “trapped” feeling of not having space again and I googled how to find common and reasonable communication with long distance. UGH just everything is scaring me and I fear my obsessiveness over it is making it worse.

Relationship OCD

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