Does anyone feel like stuff you did in your past means you have no choice but to be bi or lesbian? I think that is why I’m so scared and feel so alone. I don’t want to be bi or lesbian or be with women but because of my past I feel like I have no choice but to because there is no explanation for the stuff I did other than the fact that I’m at least bi or lesbian
@Lina I feel you so much. I am on the same situation, i hate this soooo much.
I feel like i have no other options than being lesbian because i have a lot of edivences. I feel like i am the only one. I just don't wanna go back to school. I am so anxious about it but i know i have to.
was it porn related or hooking up with women
Does it matter ?
@Sp1999 yeah
@Sp1999 different different answers and ways to respond based on the content🤷♀️
@Anonymous I don't think it does, something happened when I was 12 with another boy and I was basically peer pressured into it but didn't like it that doesn't make me bi and im in the same ocd web as most
@Sp1999 yeah but I feel like perhaps with girls watching lesbian porn is much more accepted so it’s different from getting with friends ect
@Anonymous People experiment--especially when young. Stuff happens. You have ocd, that's why it's hard to let it go. And suggesting that porn or experimenting with friends may or may not suggest something isn't fair to people dealing with ocd around their sexuality.
@Mke The first part of my comment is for @sp1999
@Mke Its hard :(. Ive been dealing with for a year now and before never thought anything of it at all I was me my natural self
@Sp1999 If other people can experiment when young and not care, you can too. You're only human. I know it's hard. It's so hard. But eventually you'll have to move on from it and get back to your life. Work with a therapist if you haven't already and if not, buy an ocd workbook and educate yourself as much as you can. Embrace the gray areas of life and say f it. Live your life how you want to. You know who you are.
@Mke It happened when I was 12 and im 23 now , this sucks because I feel what shes saying about her experience
@Sp1999 I know, it feels like ocd is backing you into a corner and the only way out is by being someone you don't actually want to be. But ocd can't actually force you to be anything. You can be and do whatever you want. Feel all the shifty ass feelings ocd gives you, and then do what you want anyway. The more you act like you don't give two shits about this and do what you want, the more your brain will learn that this isn't something to fear or obsess over anymore. I know it's hard--I'm still dealing with it myself, but treatment works. It really does. You won't ever get the certainty you're chasing, but I promise you that you just won't care about it anymore and move on.
@Mke I just want to be straight but its like I cant , its like my whole body and mind is like you are bi and makes me look at men and all , I feel like I am bi now bc of ocd and Its upsetting
@Sp1999 Same
@Lina And other stuff I did 12 or so that makes me afraid to even say. My old therapist said it was normal but it doesn’t help lol.
@Sp1999 You're fighting those thoughts. No more fighting or resisting. I know you don't want to, but behaviorally, you have to start allowing them to be there in order for the feelings to pass. You have to adopt that "eh, who knows, who cares" mindset. You can say "hmm pretty sure I'm straight, but I don't need to prove that with anymore certainty than I have right now." You're not accepting a new identity. You're just accepting the ambiguity and uncertainty around sexuality. It exists for all of us. The only difference between you and other straight guys who have experimented is that you have ocd and you happen to be obsessing over your sexuality right now. They don't have ocd, so they move on. You can too!
@Lina Plus I just want to force myself to think of the thoughts cuz I’m sick of the doubt but it never helps just makes it worse I’m so sick of the doubt I’d rather just know then be in constant doubt all the time
@Mke Im scared 💔😔.... there needs to be another way
@Lina We've all done stuff that doesn't fit perfectly in the straight box. That's why this theme is so easy for ocd to latch onto.
@Sp1999 No other way. Not with ocd. Your sexuality or sexual orientation isn't your problem, ocd is. Treat your ocd. Every time you ruminate or check something sexuality related is no different than something going back to check the stove or wondering if they really turned it off. This is a mental health problem that needs to be treated. If you don't change your behavior, you'll stay stuck.
@Mke Someone*
@Lina That sounds compulsive. Don't force anything. Just let the thoughts happen when they want to, and leave when they want to. I know it's so so hard.
i'm positive i was attracted to women before this got a thought when i was high thought really really deeply into and changed my life now im 24/7 scared im gay ive always been attracted to girls but early in my sexual life where im at ive always got with girls and seemed a little disapointed after would love help and to hear past experiences
I’ve always been straight my whole life and I’ve never considered being different nor have i ever had attraction to women but lately I’ve been going through a lot of different thoughts that definitely feel unlike me. When I was a kid and I don’t remember how old I was but im sure like 7 or 8 and my cousin that was I very close to had me do inappropriate things to her that I didn’t really know anything about at that time. After that happened to me I knew it was wrong and I felt so bad and disgusting and scared but at the time I didn’t really know anything and I remember when my mom would drop me over my grandmas house while she would work, I’d take my grandma’s phone and I looked up kissing videos and I saw the kissing scene from Jennifer’s body and looking back on it I just feel so much shame and confusion bc it certainly feels embarrassing. My cousin always liked girls but I never did. I loved sitting and watching Disney movies preferably princess and the frog and wanting to be a princess getting married to a prince just like in all the movies. I knew who I was from a very young age and that never changed about me. When I learned what porn was at an older age, I started becoming hyper sexual so I watched tutorials videos of women to learn how to pleasure myself. When I was a kid and to now I’ve never looked at women in that way. I’ve had best friends and sleepovers it’s never been anything sexual, romantic, or intimate. Just simply innocent friendships and hangouts. When I got to high school that’s when i started remembering what happened to me and i remember how the girls would talk about their first kisses and i remembered my sa and how I felt so scared to say anything to anyone bc I didn’t want people to think badly of me simply bc my first kiss was like that so I would simply just not say anything. Lately I’ve been having obsessive thoughts out of nowhere wondering if my sexuality has changed or if im bi or is it just my thoughts? I’ve always had ocd and even in school, the kids would pick at me because I always eat my food in order and by the lightest color. But lately it’s gotten worse. It’s like I’ve never had thoughts like this nor have I ever been like this. Not even when I was a child. And humans question themselves of course but this feels like something different. I’ve gotten distant from my best friend who’s also a girl and I’ve just cut off social media and female friend relationships at all because for some reason my brain tells me that it’s “gay” to even hug your friends or hold their hands anymore like you used to do when you were kids. I even got to a point where I would watch women porn and try to masturbate just to see if I was attracted to it or not like that’s how bad the thoughts got. It felt like an evil voice was in my head trying to convince me and sweet talk me to do and enjoy those disgusting things even when my body didn’t want to. I eventually had confided in my bf about it because he was also a victim of sa and so he helped me through it and I stopped doing it but then and my bf (now ex) broke up a couple days ago and now ive been dealing with this alone which feels like the hardest part for me. So I’ve texted my bff a lot to catch up because I’ve been distant dealing with this and I was just checking my phone awaiting for her responses to my texts because she tends to type slow and usually I never think anything of it because I used to check my phone all the time when I would await my boyfriends reply or simply just a text from him and so now im having thoughts like “why am I awaiting her texts” “do I like my friend?” Its just so many obsessive thoughts and so much overthinking that I am getting tired of because It’s been going on for months so I know this is a lot but please if anyone can please help me I beg, it would be such a great help appreciated bc this has became a really big impact on my life and not in a good way lol. Thank you !!
I really need help understanding what I’m going through. For a long time now, I’ve been struggling with thoughts and feelings about women that confuse and scare me. Sometimes I feel this strange emotional or mental ‘pull’ toward certain women — it’s not exactly sexual, and not clearly romantic either, but it feels like something, and it triggers deep anxiety. When I see a beautiful woman or a WLW (woman-loving-woman) couple, I feel something that I can’t explain — sometimes I think it’s just admiration or aesthetic appreciation, but OCD keeps telling me: “You felt something, so you must be gay,” or “You’re hiding something.” I get stuck in endless loops, trying to analyze these moments and label them. Even when I feel physical or emotional reactions, they don’t feel natural or aligned with who I am. They feel like a reaction to the idea of women, not real attraction. I try to be honest with myself — I even told a friend I might be bisexual at some point, just to test if that felt more comfortable. But it didn’t. It made things worse, and I felt like I lost touch with who I am. I don’t want to lie to myself or live in denial, but I’m exhausted. It feels like I’m being mentally forced to feel something that isn’t mine. I’m 14, and I understand that things might still be developing, but I can’t help feeling like I’ve always been drawn to men, and never naturally wanted women that way. Still, I keep doubting everything. Is this real attraction or OCD feeding false feelings and thoughts? Can OCD create emotional or mental sensations that feel like desire? I’m so scared that I’ll lose myself, or find out something I never wanted. I just want peace and to feel like myself again.
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