Endgame

Im really believing that Im so much different than you guys at the moment like you are always obsessing and having anxiety which leads you to compulsion , I have much less anxiety cause Im really certain for something I believed I wasnt , believing Im straight is literally hard for myself cause whenever I try to ask myself if Im straight I always get the negative answer , with all the feelings the arousal and the proofs that it has given seem to be more obvious than I suspect , I know that people with Hocd know that they are straight but they get disturbed by the thoughts they have cause they know its wrong in their nature while me on the other hand feels like my whole identity has changed and being gay is the only option which makes it impossible to accept the uncertainty , Im like wanting to be straight over and over but still I feel like theres no other way out of this , the groinals and the arousals are just too real to be false , people with hocd know that they will never get aroused by a thought or fantasy that is against their orientation while me on the other hand gets those feelings even if I want them gone , its like even the feelings that I used to use them as “tools” for “reassurance” have a new meaning for me that I didnt realize , one of the main questions is that if I get ERP or the treatment I need will I start to believe Im straight again?

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

Was it always like that? Or did u originally get anxious and scared about the thoughts?

pacient 1

Date posted: 3y

I used to get scared but not anymore whenever I imagine a things about straight s3x my whole feeling of arousal and attention goes to the man , I knew before that I was straight and was attracted to women , but now its like it has all switched , its like all the arousal I had was actually cause of the man and it feels so true cause whenever I imagine a pic of a males private part I get that feeling , its like I never knew I was attracted to that and now Im finding out , I’ve lost interest on women , I get anxiety when I have the idea if being with them , considering that I thought that I had fantasies about being happy with the idea of marrying one in the future but I dont have that feeling anymore , I still have the feelings for women that I used as a proof that Im straight and the fact that Im feeling them means that , that wasnt a real attraction

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@pacient 1 After a while you get used by the thoughts and therefore the less anxiety from then, you have looked for much reassurance too which have made it much worse for you too.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

All I’m saying and don’t use this as a compulsion ocd makes you feel and think things. I’ve not had attraction towards women in months like 2/3 months and every time I do my mind tries tricking me I also don’t have anxiety when I get intrusive thought what I mean to say is that they don’t feel egodistonic but they still bother me every day, they don’t bring me happiness these months of my life where I have had ocd intrusives thoughts have been though and the hardest moments of my life I don’t find happiness in my thoughts. I understand what you feel but just keep doing erp think about it like this I tired doing what the ocd told me to do which was compulse and all it done was make me sad and depressed to the point where at one point I though about ending it. Not try it the way it has been proved to work no matter how real they work and if after you put in the effort after a while it hasn’t worked well do it your way

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

What the HECK?

what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.

Anonymous

Date posted: 20w

Am I even straight anymore?

I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.

What is happ...

Date posted: 16w

Questions… I don’t want reassurance just advice

I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.

Sexual Orientation OCD

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