- Date posted
- 3y
A popular sentiment I’m seeing regarding HOCD
TW: could possibly be reassurance fulfilling Something I see a lot with the straight guys on here struggling with HOCD is that they at one point we’re fully attracted to and had feelings for women, and it didn’t make them uncomfortable, and now that’s flipped to men, and those body responses and feelings make them anxious and uncomfortable. And now those thoughts and feelings don’t make them anxious or as much, so they’re assuming it’s real and they’re just coming “out of denial” and they’ll say they don’t have attraction to women anymore, despite having a history of happy attraction to women I actually am gay, and as such I’ve known many gay and bi men my entire life. Like literally dozens. And there has never been one sentiment of that, including me. I never had any sort of romantic or sexual feelings towards women. My friends and neighbors were convinced I had a big crush on my female neighbor because we were close friends, and I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Guys would start to talk in middle school about who the “hottest” girls are and like, I couldn’t even bring myself to compare girls like that because that’s not how I saw them. When I eventually was like oh, I’m attracted to men, I was scared of how people were going to see me and how my family was going to react, but I wasn’t anxious about the thoughts and feelings I was having about men. The thought of being with a man was exciting, the thought of living with the consequences of homophobia was not. I think because there’s a lot of talk about “sexuality is fluid” “gender is a spectrum” online, it can fuel a lot of HOCD because it adds even more uncertainty to a topic that already has no certainty as it is. When people talk about sexuality being fluid, they’re usually talking about one’s ability to have their libido, perspective of gender, different body types etc can fluctuate over years at a time because of new societal norms, acceptance of new ideas and ways of being, etc. they’re not saying that one year you’ll be straight, then suddenly you’re gay, then it goes back again, then guess what you’re bi. Now you’re straight again. This doesn’t really happen. So basically, the idea of being fully attracted to women, that shutting off, and quite literally just “turning” gay isn’t an experience I’ve ever come across in the gay community. I don’t see want this to be seen as reassurance of “all actually gay males experience ____” and more the experience that’s being described isn’t something I’ve personally come across within people who identify and life being gay. If having same sex thoughts isn’t giving you anxiety anymore, let that run. It’s possible you could be gay. It’s also possible you could be on the way to recovery. The future is uncertain and you have to work to accept that and hold true to the identity you feel most happy and comfortable with.