does anyone else just not feel like themselves anymore? I feel like my perception and just how I feel about myself has completely switched I just feel so weird all the time I do not feel feminine at all and I get kind of scared that I like switched a personality or something you know like multiple personality disorder idk but I can still remember everything or at least try to which has me really scared now actually because before I had a really bad memory but now I can remember like so much of my past I guess idk? but I could still remember stuff before it was just hard to. I feel connected but also so disconnected at the same time idk how to explain it and then my thoughts are so loud but seem to be like someone is talking in the back of my head or something I don’t know and now I’m really scared I might have this disease!! I don’t know how it got here or to this point I’m so scared now it started with me thinking I was transgender randomly and now I just don’t feel like myself at all or like I know who I am at all and when I’m with or talking to people I’m fine but then by myself I’m just panicking all the time and I’m always so aware of myself and like of my body I’m not sure if I’m experiencing like depersonalization or something i really don’t know

I know I don’t know how to act anymore or anything I just feel like I’m here and not existing anymore and I just don’t feel good at all and am scared and like feel like im living on autopilot again

@khm I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Ocd can really effect you so deeply 😞 these thoughts are just thoughts and don’t define who you are. I suggest trying mindfulness even for a few minutes. It will help give you some clarity. I know how terrifying it feels but you got this and I’m right here with you

@blazed I will definitely try! I think I just get so confused because I feel like my ocd inserts itself into my mindfulness idk I just don’t know I’ll think to myself like maybe I am a boy and it just makes me feel awful and also thinking about saying those words out loud scares me like I’m confirming it or something idk I just don’t feel like myself anymore and I don’t feel like a girl

@khm i cant tell if I’m on autopilot like some days are good and ok and I feel like I’m here but other days I’m just not in a good mood at all and just don’t want to exist anymore and I feel like I’m in a constant loop of trying to like “figure myself out” or like “trying to identify myself” and I’m just tired of it like I just don’t know anymore, I don’t want to be a guy but I don’t feel like a girl either and so it makes me feel like I have to identify as a guy but I just really don’t want to but then I think like I’m lying to myself or something and that I do but I’m just in denial

@khm I know how you feel :( OCD will come at you whichever way it can, making it much more difficult. My intrusive thoughts come into my mindfulness too but with practice it may get easier. OCD will feel as real as it gets and makes you believe anything. But if you’ve always been comfortable as a girl then chances are that’s who you really are! Thoughts can’t change you even though it feels so convincing. I have the same fear that I’d confirm my thoughts and it’s so stressful because that’s not who I wanna be. What I realized is that it’s the anxiety taking control which brings up all sorts of emotions and keeps you in this cycle. Since you’re in fight or flight more constantly, it makes sense that you feel like you’re on autopilot. What helps me calm down is accepting the thoughts instead of pushing it away. It’s so frightening at first but it doesn’t mean that you agree with it, you’re simply just acknowledging it. Recovery isn’t linear so it’s ok that some days are harder than others, do what’s best for you and your well-being. And I know how you feel about wanting to figure things out, it’s the worst :( we can’t be 100% certain so the only thing we can do is be open to all possibilities. Feeding into it will only make it worse so it’s best to tell yourself “maybe, maybe not”. And you don’t have to listen to what these thoughts or feelings are telling you, label yourself with what makes you feel most comfortable! I’m sorry you’re going through this, I understand how confusing it is :( I hope you feel better soon and remember you’re not alone

I feel like just a different person and can’t feel comfortable in my body anymore

@khm i also am constantly aware of my existence like more so than usual and it just gets super overwhelming at times thinking about that

@khm i feel so inward but feel like I’m still seeing everything or feeling like I’m still very aware of myself if that makes any sense idk?