Is this a compulsion?

Hey everyone! So this week I’ve been feeling really anxious, and just overall a lot of obsessive thoughts. The majority of them being due to my boyfriend and I’s 6 month anniversary coming up. I hadn’t heard of any plans for our anniversary, so earlier this week I started dropping hints that I was going to get him a little gift. When I said this, it was kinda obvious that I blindsided him, but then he quickly responded with, “oh, I have some surprises for you too!” So after that convo, my obsessive thoughts began. Is he going to get you a gift? If he doesn’t, he’s a shitty boyfriend. How could he forget about our anniversary? Some time after though, I was able to calm down after google searching (unfortunately, I think I did give into a compulsion bc I was so upset) and realized that we never really talked about our wants or expectations. Because, basically every month we celebrate our anniversary (he is so cute lol), no gifts or anything, but he makes sure to make me feel special every month. And after calming down, im pretty sure he didn’t know that I wanted our 6 month to be extra special. So, I calmed down. And, I thought it was even more sweet that he quickly followed my suit when I said I was going to get him a little gift. But, yesterday, when we met up to hang out, he decided to bring me my gift early, and he brought me flowers. Then, my obsessive thoughts came back. I thought, really, just flowers? How could he do this? How could he not think to not make this more special? I realized pretty quickly this was the OCD talking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And the entire day, I spent the whole day being hyper critical of every single thing he said. It was so exhausting, and I feel so ashamed. Anyway, at the end of the night, he was planning what we should do for our anniversary on Friday, and before this he apologized, and said he should’ve planned our anniversary beforehand. It made me feel immediately relieved from my thoughts. But, shortly thereafter, I was still hyper obsessing about any comment he made. And then, another thought popped in, and I thought, well I actually don’t really know what he was thinking or why he didn’t think our 6 months was special. Maybe I should ask him why so that we can have a fuller conversation about it, because afterwards he apologized, I accepted his apology very quickly and told him he didn’t need to worry about it. When I was worrying about it a lot lol. But I can’t tell if asking this is giving into a compulsion. Would this convo really benefit our relationship at all? I’m scared that because of this, this is why I’ve been so hyper critical of him and why my obsessive thoughts don’t stop. But that’s probably just my OCD latching onto everything. Any advice is appreciated :)

Relationship OCD

Username: ARG20ARG20

Date posted: 2y ago

I understand how you’re feeling but… some men don’t plan very well or maybe don’t think like us women! But I think maybe you had more of a higher expectations because social media or maybe he didn’t realize that 6 months was a big deal🤷🏽‍♀️ I think y’all should have communicated about how 6 months is something special and to celebrate! Men can’t read our minds and this is coming from someone who’s been in a 2 year relationship! But I think your bf is a great man and doesn’t mean any harm!

Username: wanderingstarswanderingstars

Date posted: 2y ago

@ARG20 Thank you so much for your reply!! It is so helpful and kind. And that is so true! I think it was def both, that social media made my expectations higher and that he didn’t think the 6 months was a huge deal. But I’ve def been struggling with the first one in particular, cause I’ve been comparing my relationship to others soo much, and tiktoks been a huge trigger 🫠 definitely think that we should’ve just communicated better, and I’ll def be doing that before our 1 year anniversary. Since he already did apologize, do you think it would be overkill to have another convo about it? Like for example, something like, me admitting I had an unspoken expectation, and I never communicated that to him. A part of me feels like it’s overkill, but my obsessive thoughts can’t let it go.

Username: tulipomaniatulipomania

Date posted: 2y ago

Wow this was really relieving to read this post. I went through this all the time with my ex and now I’m just realizing it was OCD. I think one of the things I’m trying to learn is accepting what is “enough”. The fact that he apologized for not doing more and planning, but still brought you flowers and you both celebrate every month… that can be enough. It doesn’t have to be, but it can be. That is something my OCD latches onto EVERYWHERE, from my job or success to stress to people to myself… who and what is ever enough!! But that’s very future and past thinking, not present. Just some food for thought:) the idea of accepting the present for what it is and accepting “enough”. Does your BF know you have OCD? It may benefit a conversation about that - I think more than anything, a convo about the 6 month or year thing being bigger would be important. Don’t wipe away conflict saying it’s totally fine when it isn’t. But you don’t need to rehash to “fix it” either! That’s OCD. But I think talking about expectations is 100% the way to go!! He seems like a good guy and would probably be super happy to listen to what’s on your heart!:)

Username: ARG20ARG20

Date posted: 2y ago

Of course!! I have a problem with comparing as well… but over time I’ve gotten better! I think you could definitely let him know that you had an expectation! But are you the type to say sorry to someone all the time? Because it’s neither of your faults it just miscommunication!

Username: you.are.enoughyou.are.enough

Date posted: 2y ago

This post is super relatable. I think all the commenters here have made great points. I would say that it's okay to tell him that you had bigger expectations for the 6 months & explain briefly why--maybe it's that you value the relationship, 6 months just seems like a milestone. Whatever it is for you. But when you ask if you should ask him why he didn't think 6 months was special--that sounds a little bit like OCD. From what I've read, it doesn't seem like he doesn't think 6 months is special but more like he didn't know it was something you wanted to celebrate a little more than the past monthaverssaries. I'd say stick to sharing how & why you think it's special & then express your appreciation for the ways he's shown up for it, such as getting you flowers & whatever you guys do on Friday.

Username: sams07

Date posted: 5y ago

Advice please! I have OCD, and it’s wormed it’s way to my relationship. It particularly revolves around social media, trust and the security of being together “forever”. I whole heartedly trust my partner. However, we all know that OCD causes doubt in the most rational things. Lately, if I get an irrational thought, I ask my partner if it’s true or not true, I get the affirmation I need, and then I feel intense guilt. The cycle begins again because I feel insecure for asking such questions, How do I work through these nagging thoughts and not bring my boyfriend into it? I get super impulsive and just ask him to reassure me. When I don’t ask him and challenge the thought, I’m really moody with him. I’ve had OCD my entire life and have “cured” other obsessions/rituals but for some reason, this one is tough, since another person is involved. Any advice?!

Relationship OCD

Username: hilovely

Date posted: 47w ago

Newbie to OCD

hi so i am pretty new to discovering ocd and trying to figure out why i am feeling the way i am feeling. i’ve never been diagnosed with ocd and honestly thought my anxiety was just super bad until it started affecting the way i saw my relationship. i’ve never had this bad of anxiety in my relationship and around november of last year is whenever i started noticing the cycle of repeated thoughts of “should i break up with him?” ive been with my boyfriend for almost two years. yes we’ve been through our ups and downs and our relationship has overall been such a beautiful relationship (super healthy compared to old ones) we love each other deeply and communicate and just overall find ways to help improve our relationship healthier and i’ve had a doubt here and there throughout these years but since last November i started feeling disconnected with him a little. i started to question sometimes if i really loved him. other times i told myself and asked myself if i should break up with him. if we really loved each other. i started focusing on his features a lot more. to the point where these thoughts around him made me feel so extremely uncomfortable. i’ve done all my research trying to figure out if I love him or not and trying to find reassurance and other people stories to see if they feel the same way I would also see how I feel whenever I was around him and it got to a point where I overall just felt very disconnected with him and a lot of different forms. I sometimes will forget about these thoughts and I will go out through my week throughout my days and I won’t even think about them and then something good will happen actually and it will trigger that immediate thought or sometimes we’re not even doing anything we’re just hanging out and being together and that will trigger the thought of wanting to break up with him and it makes me extremely uncomfortable and it makes me panic gives me anxiety and it just stresses me out because I know it’s not true, but my brain has tried to fully convince myself it is. I was doing really good and I figured out how healthy I wanted this relationship to be recently and because we’ve been so stressed on talking about our relationship and moving on even further and growing together, it started coming back and now I’m very very anxious again. I also have this type of anxiety of obsessing over things such as my health. When it comes to my gut health to my skin I have a very bad habit of having perfectionism not only within, my body face and everything around what is myself. I have a lot of anxieties, and I always thought it was just very severe anxiety until when I was researching why I was doubting my love for my boyfriend I heard of ROCD and I was super curious to know if I even have OCD, I brought it up with my psychiatrist and she doesn’t think that I have any. I have so much anxiety over this I feel like it’s physically and mentally controlling my body from how much it’s overwhelming me. I don’t know what to do. I keep convincing myself it’s not even RCOD and maybe I truly don’t love him but I have no other proof or feelings that that could be true. It’s just a thought that circles in my head and no matter how many reassurance I give myself it will come back within an hour, if someone could please give some advice I will have my own therapy session here soon and I’m very excited to know how I can overcome this

Username: Anonymous243

Date posted: 43w ago

Relationship OCD?? I can’t stop questioning him

This is my first post and first time using this app. My partner knows I have ocd but we have been having arguments because I keep asking him super inappropriate questions about whether he loves me, is attracted to _____, is thinking of other people, doesnt feel attracted to me, etc. I get these obsessive thoughts and feel like I have to ask him to get rid of it or get reassurance from him that it isn’t true. But then I’m never satisfied with his answers, and keep asking questions until it comes to a point where the conversation is completely destructive and neither of us are happy. I see a lot of people talking about doubting their relationships and feelings for their s/o’s, but does anybody else have this experience? Advice? Is this relationship ocd too? I am 90% sure it is but the 10% is telling me I’m just crazy, obsessive, possessive, and jealous. I know insecurity must play a big part in why I obsess over these things, but I cant help myself from thinking these thoughts and asking him these questions. We love each other and he is doing his best to support me, but this is putting a big strain on our relationship. Lmk if you relate. Thank you for reading

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Is this a compulsion?

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