- Username
- wanderingstars
- Date posted
- 2y ago
Is this a compulsion?
Hey everyone! So this week I’ve been feeling really anxious, and just overall a lot of obsessive thoughts. The majority of them being due to my boyfriend and I’s 6 month anniversary coming up. I hadn’t heard of any plans for our anniversary, so earlier this week I started dropping hints that I was going to get him a little gift. When I said this, it was kinda obvious that I blindsided him, but then he quickly responded with, “oh, I have some surprises for you too!” So after that convo, my obsessive thoughts began. Is he going to get you a gift? If he doesn’t, he’s a shitty boyfriend. How could he forget about our anniversary? Some time after though, I was able to calm down after google searching (unfortunately, I think I did give into a compulsion bc I was so upset) and realized that we never really talked about our wants or expectations. Because, basically every month we celebrate our anniversary (he is so cute lol), no gifts or anything, but he makes sure to make me feel special every month. And after calming down, im pretty sure he didn’t know that I wanted our 6 month to be extra special. So, I calmed down. And, I thought it was even more sweet that he quickly followed my suit when I said I was going to get him a little gift. But, yesterday, when we met up to hang out, he decided to bring me my gift early, and he brought me flowers. Then, my obsessive thoughts came back. I thought, really, just flowers? How could he do this? How could he not think to not make this more special? I realized pretty quickly this was the OCD talking, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it. And the entire day, I spent the whole day being hyper critical of every single thing he said. It was so exhausting, and I feel so ashamed. Anyway, at the end of the night, he was planning what we should do for our anniversary on Friday, and before this he apologized, and said he should’ve planned our anniversary beforehand. It made me feel immediately relieved from my thoughts. But, shortly thereafter, I was still hyper obsessing about any comment he made. And then, another thought popped in, and I thought, well I actually don’t really know what he was thinking or why he didn’t think our 6 months was special. Maybe I should ask him why so that we can have a fuller conversation about it, because afterwards he apologized, I accepted his apology very quickly and told him he didn’t need to worry about it. When I was worrying about it a lot lol. But I can’t tell if asking this is giving into a compulsion. Would this convo really benefit our relationship at all? I’m scared that because of this, this is why I’ve been so hyper critical of him and why my obsessive thoughts don’t stop. But that’s probably just my OCD latching onto everything. Any advice is appreciated :)