i am extremely depressed going overboard w obsessing about a conflict at work. my job literally makes me suicidal now. i talk about things im anxious about and that only makes me more anxious bc im constantly afraid the wrong person heard and im in more trouble. i dont know how to shut up sometimes. it’s how i seek reassurance in uncomfortable situations, like this work thing that has turned abusive. i think i should quit or go see HR. im in a constant state of panic.

Hey t3ddy, think this through. Do you have family to fall back on or friends that can support you with this? Or at least somewhere safe you can stay for a period of time after quitting to collect yourself? I think you need to exit the constant array of triggers you’re experiencing so you can think rationally. Mental health always comes first and if people are empathetic to that then you shouldn’t be around them anyway.

Aren’t empathetic* oops

Or at least sympathetic

i was forced to rat people out for forging signatures, and then yelled at because i confided in someone that i had done so. i do have family i can stay with but i dont have any other employment prospects. this job is terrible and doesnt pay well but at least it’s at a desk. i have no future. i asserted myself today by telling the coworker who yelled at me inappropriately that i was only comfortable communicating w him via email and not to call my cell phone anymore. he took it to our supervisors bc he’s trying to paint me as a troublemaker. they asked me what happened and sort of sided with me. i probably did the wrong thing regardless but he ruined my entire weekend and i think i should avoid him until he apologizes and clears everything up. i should go to HR to document all of this. its not fair that the supervisors are twisting my arm to get me to rat out people. it’s not fair that im still upset about this and no one else involved is. i am very obsessive when my feelings get hurt.

sorry for all the blah blah. i am a blabbermouth and that is what is creating all of this trouble for me.

but this place is a constant barrage of triggers. most of them benign (strangers trigger my obsessive thoughts) but some of them are very uncomfortable and sort of malicious

Why do you say you have no prospect? And if the pay isn’t great and you don’t believe you have much prospect (which I don’t think is completely the truth) then finding another job with low pay wouldn’t be too difficult depending on where you live. Don’t apologize for the “blah blah” I think you have a totally legitimate reason to feel upset, it makes sense. I think telling someone who YOU personally can confide in ie family friend or someone you trust is the first step and make your decisions from there. Once the triggers are gone your head should be much clearer to make a rational decision on where to work. You’ll also know what to look out for next time you consider working, what you want to do vs what you don’t want to do and who you want to be around vs who you don’t want to be around.

thank you ? they liked me here before all this happened. now i feel like a pariah. also i hate them now which is hard for me to get over. i might take a leave of absence and let them live without me for a month and then go back. but really, i shouldnt be in the car business. it’s soulless and pointless and a waste of my abilities

plus they made me sign an agreement to be randomly drug tested and weed is the only thing that ever helps

Interesting. So I have a thought. I used to smoke a lot and I realized that it made me very complacent after coming home from work and I wouldn’t think too hard to get out of it. Since I recently kicked my habitual habit I realized there were a lot of things I didn’t like in life. My job, the fact I wasn’t in school, my body, my personality. It opened up a different way of thinking once I quit. I’ll admit it was hard dealing with the anxiety raw, but it was bitter sweet once things started to come around. So maybe quitting smoking isn’t the worst thing ya know? Just a thought. Your potential is definitely somewhere else, but you’ll need a clear head to really understand where that is.

it turn off the anxiety and helps me focus on my projects

To each their own, that’s just my side. If you enjoy it then you’re fine.

i microdose it and it really helps me. i know that microdosing mushrooms would probably cure all of us ?

I’ve actually done shrooms like 5-6 times and a couple have really helped me. The first time I was just really grateful after the trip and just had an overall reduction in anxiety.

my intrusive thoughts went away for a while after i did them. it was amazing. they came back eventually but that little break gave me some hope

Yeah take em every 6 months to reset your brain haha. Denver is in the process of legalizing them so if anything, vital research will hopefully be sprouting within the next couple years.