i keep thinking that I’m in denial and so I just try to accept the thoughts and I guess identify them but I really don’t want to be a boy and I feel like I sometimes use my ocd as an excuse or I think I am and that I’m using that so I can just stay in denial or something idk I feel like a boy at this point I don’t feel like a girl anymore and I’m so exhausted from crying over it and just crying in general I feel like I’ll never feel like myself again or when I do I feel like it’s fake and not real or me I guess finally identifying or coming to terms with being a boy or something and it just doesn’t feel like ocd anymore idk I’m not sure what to think I also just get anxious thinking about being in relationships or something I feel like everything just all of a sudden switched

Awe I'm really sorry this is happening to you :( How did you come to the conclusion that you thought you are a boy though?

@d_p i didn’t really i just don’t feel like a girl anymore I don’t want to be a boy though it’s not something I’m drawn to and never have been but I just don’t feel like myself anymore and I keep seeing angel numbers too every time I have these thoughts and I guess it’s just gotten to the point that I might’ve just convinced myself? Idk I’m just confused about everything and can’t tell if I’m in denial or not and that it’s ocd Idk how to explain it, everything just felt like it switched

@khm Omg I freak out over angel numbers too! I try not to pay attention to them though because I know it worsens things. Hmm idk what you would define as a girl. But a simple explanation I would say is that girls will always show up in different shapes/personalities and sizes like there is no one DEFINED girl. If you don't fit a specific type of "girl" that doesn't make you any less of one either :)

Yeah the first time I had an intrusive thought about TOCD I saw the angel number 222 and I’ve been seeing them everywhere since or just any sequence of repeating numbers really and it just feels like the universe is telling me I’m supposed to be this way or something when I don’t want to or that’s not how I identified it wasn’t something I related to or felt like was what was me if that makes sense and I totally get that and I try to remind myself of that but it just stinks because it feels like my perception has been morphed and that everything I believe of myself to be true was some sort of lie and I’ve never felt like I was in the wrong body more wished to change anything about myself other than my fitness and I’ve never felt gender envy or anything and so it’s all so confusing feeling and thinking these things but it just doesn’t help when I feel like I can’t find myself anymore or that I don’t know who I am anymore and then also having no clue how to change my perception of myself and now I get anxious about being in a relationship with a guy or about being a girl which sucks because I had gotten to a point where I felt so comfortable and confident in my gender identity and just felt really good about myself and now it just feels like it’s gone (sorry this was so long!)

Is okay! I RELATE EXTREMELY to whether my thoughts are some universal sign or if they have some kind of intuition. But I also remember wishing on 11:11 one time and nothing of what I wished for happened😭 So maybe that can help! I know what's triggering me now more recently is like any childhood experiences I've had or the types of social groups I was in. I think that idk if you have a mental image of what a girl is supposed to be like but like 🤔 I just know there's a lot of fluidity to being one like idk if you want be non-binary like androgynous idk if that's triggering but like I just hope that for you like you can still be a girl regardless of how you act and what you wear :)

@d_p That makes me feel so much better!!! It’s been so hard finding someone with ocd and someone who also kind of keeps an eye on that stuff or at least has and I have too like I’ve tried manifesting or something I guess and it’s just never worked not saying that it doesn’t exist because I’m sure for some people that stuff is a great tool and outlet for them but it just doesn’t seem to be a lifestyle that necessarily suits me anymore I guess and so it’s been hard trying to I guess let that go too cause I feel like I can’t live without them in a way and it could totally be my ocd just acting on compulsions because when I’m not seeing them I start getting anxious and thinking that what I’m thinking or doing or whatever is wrong and not me or something like that or like not meant for me if that makes sense and i have gone through that phase I guess you could say where I tried dressing more androgynous and it just wasn’t for me I felt like, like I just didn’t feel good in how I was presenting myself or confident and I really love my pronouns I haven’t wanted to change them or felt like I needed to really I’ve loved being referred to as a woman and treated as such it’s just crazy how my ocd has seemed to switch everything like I just don’t even feel happy most of the time anymore and it’s the worst and I felt like I was getting to a point where I was so happy and content with my life and just ready to try and work on myself and my health and do better

@khm Again sorry it’s so long!!!!