- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I am really sorry to hear that this is happening to you and am glad you felt comfortable sharing your story. I am about to start treatment (with my first session for my ROCD being today) but I hear you and would like to support and encourage you. I must also confess that I didn’t know that ROCD was a thing for people not actively in relationships, but it makes sense, given that someone returned during a stressful part of your life. In your post I am seeing two major things, a lot of frustration, and a lot of fear. Both of these are very understandable. For the frustration, I would encourage you to remember that, (assuming you were treated by an OCD therapist,) you do have the skills to get yourself to a good place again, and your set of coping mechanisms that were effective before will be effective now. It may be worth it to schedule a few booster sessions to help you. If you haven’t been actively treated yet, it would be an excellent idea. As for the fear and worry, do you know why we do that? The reason we worry is for a false sense of control. My therapist for Body Dysmorphic Disorder told me that and I still remember almost a decade later. Being afraid of the could be’s is tough but very understandable. Try to remember that tomorrow could also be better than today or yesterday and that you can once again return to a place of peace if you’re able to use skills, and give yourself a break without judgement for falling into a lull. Try not to make such grandiose statements such as you’ll avoid relationships forever, or you can’t get back on track. It may not always be simple, but with proper help if you haven’t already had it, it can become easier and easier, and you will be able to find a way out. Lastly, remember that recovery isn’t a straight line on a graph that indicates improvement. That expectation isn’t realistic. There will be setbacks and there will be dips. This is normal and okay, but these can become much smaller and shorter if you keep a good thought and keep working.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you for this <3
- Date posted
- 3y
I’m feeling the exact same. All I do everyday is worry about being in a relationship and how I think I’ll never find one and if I do I won’t like it or I won’t want to do anything sexual with them because I just don’t think I’m capable of doing it and it’s making me want to never have a relationship and be alone forever
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I'm new to NOCD, but not new to my own OCD journey. I was diagnosed in 2017 and usually experience relationship obsessions. Medication helped me tremendously and I was able to tackle and overcome the anxiety I felt when my husband and I first got together. Fast forward to now. My best friend has decided to casually enter the dating world again and that terrifies me. The fact that it scared me triggered an HOCD spiral, that I think I've now gotten myself out of. I just feel pathetic for being so fearful that my friend is going to realize she's too good for me and leave me behind once she has a partner. I know this likely stems from my own feelings of inadequacy and low self esteem, but my OCD has latched itself to this fear and I've been catching myself falling into old habits that I thought I'd overcome. I don't want to be living under the cloud again. Just looking for some encouragement or someone else who understands what this feels like.
- Date posted
- 17w
I hate myself a lot and don’t understand. I do so well for a few days then spiral and feel so awful bc it feels true. The BIGGEST and WORST trigger and theme has been my brother old friend ish who I had a crush on yrs ago. Since my ocd returned once I got in a relationship (after many yrs of being hidden) this theme is the most brutal. For some background I had a crush on my current boyfriend last year in February til May and we were friends then we started talking officially in end of May then dating in 2 week of June. I was obsessed w him 100%. The one time I even saw this old crush and the mall and my 1 friend and I followed him bc like old crush yk and I literally like stopped caring like idk how to explain it bc it was a while ago, but it didn’t matter to me. I eventually walked away and then later used that as an excuse to talk to my biggest crush (my current bf). Since we began dating, my ocd has been brutal. My little brother mentioned the old crush the one day saying “you still love him ur lying to urself rn by being w ur bf” and then it sent my mind on its first loop ab that guy. Since then, it’ll return getting worse and worse. (Sometimes I actually don’t care and it won’t feel as tru and ik it’s fake, but others it’s terrible) I hate it. And I feel so awful like I needa check to make sure I don’t like him. Yet logically why would I check my feelings. Ik I love my man bc everything ab him I love and he’s my comfort and best friend. But I get so stuck up in the confusion of all the thoughts ab this other guy and all I have wanted for the 10 months I’ve been dating my man is to go back to normal. Back to myself. The one who was head over heels obsessed w my man and completely forgetting ab the other ppl. But my brain says I can’t bc a part of me will always want the other guy or some other lame bs excuse and it hurts me so much and my man sometimes too. I’m considering medication but will it truly work? Will it make my thoughts go away? I hate how real/ true they feel I feel like a cheater or like I am lying to my man. I feel like rn when I say I love him, that I’m a liar😖for the past 3 days I was better. I gave it up and let God help me, but last night into today I’m lost. Are we sure ocd attacks wuts most important to us? Bc why is it so persistent and evil
- Date posted
- 16w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
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