My thoughts are literally nonstop, 24/7. Feels way too real.

I understand. just don't try to convince your brain about anything related to thoughts. Let your brain do it's own thing. you have a great sense of imagination and that sometimes leads to thoughts that might be annoying for you. what our brain does is by no means under our control even if at times it seems to be true . I learned this the hard way.

I used to fear it heavily, now I’m even doubting if I fear it or want it. When the thoughts feel extremely real I even have a gagging reflex. Yesterday I had a mental breakdown on how could I adore women and be so sure I was straight and now it felt like all this time I was lying to myself. It really disturbed me. The groin response don’t help either. I’m tired of dealing with this.

I try to entertain the possibility that it might be true and my mind is like “it IS true” “no other options” “you’re gay and that’s it” it doesn’t even let me do the uncertainty thing. This is crazy.

I think if you have a “fear” of being gay it’s OCD, and from the posts that both of you have been submitting, you’re both terrified of these types of “intrusive thoughts”. Just my own personal observation. Not reassurance just a comment. Here’s some reading- https://www.ocdbaltimore.com/hocd-sexual-orientation-ocd-denial/ https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/09/06/homosexual-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-or-denial/

I think when you drill down on the data (from people or articles) it can become an obsession. Also, if you’re searching for an answer you can sometimes create an answer in your mind to resolve the original question. I just know you’re both going through a lot of pain and distress over this stuff but ocd flips around a lot and at certain times it can be really strong. I think you need to let it run it’s course. Others on here seem to voice the same recommendations.