- Username
- Iann
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I understand. just don't try to convince your brain about anything related to thoughts. Let your brain do it's own thing. you have a great sense of imagination and that sometimes leads to thoughts that might be annoying for you. what our brain does is by no means under our control even if at times it seems to be true . I learned this the hard way.
I used to fear it heavily, now I’m even doubting if I fear it or want it. When the thoughts feel extremely real I even have a gagging reflex. Yesterday I had a mental breakdown on how could I adore women and be so sure I was straight and now it felt like all this time I was lying to myself. It really disturbed me. The groin response don’t help either. I’m tired of dealing with this.
I try to entertain the possibility that it might be true and my mind is like “it IS true” “no other options” “you’re gay and that’s it” it doesn’t even let me do the uncertainty thing. This is crazy.
I can’t even read one of those without feeling like “you shouldn’t read that. You can’t relate. Stop it.” It’s so awful. Those websites were helpful at first now they feel like a compulsion :(
I literally just posted at the same time something like this. It’s just weird because now I actually have what some people could only classify as “gay in denial” symptoms. I am just so over this. I fucking hate this
I think if you have a “fear” of being gay it’s OCD, and from the posts that both of you have been submitting, you’re both terrified of these types of “intrusive thoughts”. Just my own personal observation. Not reassurance just a comment. Here’s some reading- https://www.ocdbaltimore.com/hocd-sexual-orientation-ocd-denial/ https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/09/06/homosexual-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-or-denial/
I think when you drill down on the data (from people or articles) it can become an obsession. Also, if you’re searching for an answer you can sometimes create an answer in your mind to resolve the original question. I just know you’re both going through a lot of pain and distress over this stuff but ocd flips around a lot and at certain times it can be really strong. I think you need to let it run it’s course. Others on here seem to voice the same recommendations.
I’m wondering if anybody else deals with an intense inner dialogue. It seems like my thoughts overlap each other and sometimes don’t make sense. Whether it’s a song stuck in my head, a million thoughts at once or both. It seems to never stop, even my dreams are super vivid. More recently I’ve been noticing random words or sentences that somebody has said before that has no meaning to what I’m thinking about, it will just pop in my head for no reason. For example I’ll be in the shower and “hear” a sentence one of my friends said. It sounds like their voice but it’s just in my thoughts if that makes sense. My core fear is losing my mind, so this spirals and my ocd tries to convince me that I’m hearing voices. Can anyone relate? If so what are some things that you have found to be effective when it comes to staying present. I hate not being as involved in conversations or not giving my 100% attention to things happening around me
Im thinking about it (the obsession) 24/7. If my mind wanders off for like 4 seconds, it goes right back to the thought and Id be like: yes, at least I didnt think about it for 4 seconds, 4 seconds release. Im constantly checking if I still think about it (even though I try not to it goes automatically) and that there is the thought/obsession again, I think about it. Its there 24/7, during everything I do, during every conversation, etc. I cannot live on autopilot, wander off or think about something else for more than 5 seconds. This goes on for months. Its driving me totally crazy! Is this normal for OCD? Does everyone with OCD have this. Is thinking and checking if still thinking about it 24/7 common in OCD?
A big worry for me is that the thoughts are 24-7, no matter what I’m doing. Sometimes the thoughts are more in the background and sometimes really noisy, but they are always there. I worry that because the thoughts are constant it means they aren’t OCD as i read a lot about thoughts coming and going. They also keep evolving, it’s like when I get more used to one lot of thoughts, new ones come to create more anxiety and that feeds another thought and another thought. Anyone relate? I’m exhausted and broken.
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