- Date posted
- 3y
I can’t do this
I can’t deal with the real event ocd guilt. I just can’t. It doesn’t matter what I do it bothers me every single day 💔
I can’t deal with the real event ocd guilt. I just can’t. It doesn’t matter what I do it bothers me every single day 💔
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Thank you I just hope I’m not the exception. That it’s not the worst. I was young and didn’t know I was even making a mistake at the time and it wasn’t the intention at the time either whatsoever. I just feel so horrible and stupid for being so dumb a few years ago. I would change everything if it was possible. I absolutely hate myself and your right we are our own worst judges. You’d think even after telling people everything and them telling me to forgive myself and move on would be enough but apparently not. I just feel so stuck in this horrible hell in my mind and there’s nothing I can do about it. I really appreciate the encouragement though. Maybe I’m just having a moment I don’t know but I’ve been having them a lot
@redcushion Absolutely I would never do it again knowing what I know now. I just wish I knew better then. Anyways you’re right. It’s probably just ocd drawing it out worse than it needs to be right now. I had one drink tonight too which definitely could have made it worse also. Thank you for helping me I appreciate it
I needed this, thank you
You will get thru this! I been there and I know you may feel diffent because our stories don’t match , but just know a lot of people are going thru similar things . I once thought I wouldn’t recover from this theme but I did
@Brian :) That’s great to hear. I hope one day I will be ok again unfortunately right now I wish I could have answers but I can’t. That’s not how it works. I’m just constantly terrified every second of everyday and I’m so drained
I'm sorry, that you are struggling so much, but here is one thing that gives me hope, not only for myself, but for ever other OCD sufferer. Till the middle of last year, I couldn't stop myself from doing compulsions for my MT OCD, I had been scared that, if I don't do them something horrible would happen. But after I started ERP last year and I kept resisting my compulsions, I barely see my MT OCD thoughts and me not doing compulsions as dangerous. I therefore hope, that after successfully starting ERP against POCD, I also will realize, that nothing has happened in the past (False Memory OCD regarding POCD topics) and that my POCD is only thoughts and has no meaning.
17f I have a lot of events, but my main and my worst one which is absolutely fucking diabolical was done when I was 14 and repeated when I was 16. Everytime I post something about real event ocd here people are like you are probably didn't do anything that bad, and when they hear what I did they are like yeah that's bad. Someone even asked me if I'm autistic cause "it's crazy how you didn't realize that the thing ypu were doing was wrong at this age." And I kinda agree, like it's fucked up It's just that my event is bad. Doesn't mean I don't have real event ocd. You can have a reocd over the event that was bad, it doesn't mean the event wasn't that bad or you don't have recod. It's just people always expect it to be something innocent and it's not Even a healthy person would feel guilty over it, it's just that I had ocd my whole life and it's making the guilt absolutely destructive, like to the point when I sometimes have a hard time breathing when I think about it, I lost more than a year of life to it, almost checked myself out couple of times if I wasn't so scared of pain/failure, the event haunts me in my dreams, it's in my head 24/7 and I will never able to forgive myself. That ocd. But the event itself was bad. So maybe i deserve it.
Just bombarded with the guilt of past mistakes. Not knowing the outcome of things makes it worse. Seeing things/signs that are associated with the real event I obsess about everyday. I see it in tv, you tube, songs and everything. It's so scary how it's everywhere
my real event is so bad today. has anyone got any support. i’m in therapy, ive been on meds, but yet i can’t stop feeling guilty for what i did when i was 11-13. the fact that i cannot remember exactly what age or exactly what happened, how many times or anything, im 20 now, and it makes it worse im trying not to ruminate but im constantly trying to figure everything out. i get these intrusive thoughts that tell me if i was 13 then it’s worse, or that i don’t deserve a good life. but i can’t remember and the guilt consumes me. i remember what i did. just nothing else about it and it honestly is eating me alive.
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