Anybody else deal with this?

Has anybody out here ever been so depressed and anxious that you feel as if you’ve completely let your life go? For example: I haven’t gotten a haircut in months, I wear the same clothes all the time (no motivation to wash them even though it’s downstairs,) my apartment is an unbearable mess (all my life before this disease I was neat as a pin,) my mailbox is probably flooded from not checking it for weeks, I’ve been putting off projects I’d like to do that I know will make me feel better, my to-do list has stayed stagnant for over half the year, I never wear make up or do my nails like I used to… I feel like a terrible bum. Everyday I just sit on the couch and pray to survive the day and then it ends there. Oh, and I’m sure my car looks terrible, as I haven’t been the one driving it lately. I’m also always stressed about money and hang onto every penny I possibly can even if it means taking away necessary things. I feel like I’m going to explode. :( If any of you have ever let everything go before, how did you go back to normal/bring it all back together? I’m afraid I’m going to live this way forever. Any advice would be so incredibly appreciated. I would be so ecstatic to hear your story — we may be able to help each other even. Thank you so much.

"Pure" OCD

Username: dragon_calvesdragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

That is what happens when an illness takes a hold. You aren’t the only one. But you deserve to get better :) are you in treatment? If not, that should be a priority. As for what you can do now—have you heard of behavioral activation? The idea is to do anything more than you are doing. So if you are struggling to maintain hygiene, just brush your teeth. If you can’t get out of bed, sit up in bed. Over time, motivation goes up and you feel a little better :)

Username: afaf0073afaf0073

Date posted: 2y ago

Thank you! :) yes, so today I did brush my teeth, I cleaned the floor and threw out some trash. Unfortunately, I know that’s not enough and my OCD is shouting at me to do more, but I am trying my damnest to celebrate these small victories and be content with what I did so far and put no more pressure on myself for more and more. Like you said, it’s best to take small steps each day for gradual results, I tend to overwhelm myself instead lol. So you would say this is a normal thing that comes with depression? I sure hope one day it will go away and I can be productive like I used to be, just feels so far away right now.

Username: dragon_calvesdragon_calves

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

@afaf0073 Oh, it is absolutely classic depression! And keep up what you are doing. It gets better with baby steps :) your brain will scream it is not enough, but it is the way to get better! Many many many have recovered!

Username: natbrighamnatbrigham

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I'm in a similar situation. My motivation to do just the bare necessities to keep things in order around my apartment and with hygiene is almost completely gone because instead of feeling accomplished in small actions towards getting better, I just feel that there is so much more left to do. That anxious feeling makes me avoid taking even small steps towards improving my quality of life. I also spend a lot of mental energy focusing on doing things until they feel just right and that is exhausting and keeps me from getting into a rhythm with a routine. It causes me to spend a lot of time on things that most people do almost without thinking. If I don't think through them, I get that feeling of malaise like you get when you pack for a trip and think you might have forgotten something. How all this hinders me can be so hard to explain to others so my struggle almost never feels validated with people I talk to about it.

Username: afaf0073afaf0073

Date posted: 2y ago

O M G. You are a blessing. I relate to you 10000% and the SAME exact issue!!!! The reason why I get nothing accomplished is because I know I will spend WAY too much time on perfecting nonsense (typical stuff that people over look and pay no mind to) and fixating on things that don’t matter. I spent an hour cutting off snags off of a pillow and lose threads etc. and then gave up on the rest of my living room because I make everything a chore and a project. I expect unrealistic results and then get scared and give up and run away and leave everything a mess instead. Then I ruminate on the fact that I have SO much to do. As to where people without ocd would just quickly clean and skim over things without inspecting or perfecting them. I wish I could be them! But yes, my environment and hygiene have gone soooo out the door it’s unbelievable and I am just exhausted. I feel so bad you are dealing with this too!!! What do you do to achieve peace of mind? Honestly, I never have any. I think 24-7 about the things I don’t get done and I’m so crippled by the thoughts that I can’t do it altogether. Endless cycle :( I hope one day we get relief. How do you handle it all?

Username: natbrighamnatbrigham

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2y ago

I'm trying my best to make small steps towards getting better. Even if I only take on one small task like doing the dishes or researching jobs to apply for during the day, I try to see that as a win. I'm still struggling to handle things a lot like you so I'm not sure if I'm always handling things the best way, but remembering that even a small step in the right direction and not avoiding something completely is a win makes me feel better sometimes. One idea to keep from getting sucked into cleaning or something for too long could be to set a timer for 20 or 30 minutes. Do what you can in that time and then step away from it and let that be all for the day. Also, when I can get out and do something away from my apartment, I feel better during that time. I also have a couple close people I can talk to about anything without fear of judgment and that helps a lot. I hope we both feel less overwhelmed keep getting better.

Username: afaf0073

Date posted: 2y ago

I feel like death

My house is a complete disaster, yet I’m too depressed to clean it because I know it won’t come out perfect like I would strive for it to be. I know I’m just going to get aggravated and give up on myself, so I’m afraid to even try. On top of that, my relationship is falling apart. I’m always anticipating the worst and acting out on it. I barely leave the house or have any friends anymore. I’m sinking back into a dark place, the dark place I was in almost 3 years ago when my mom passed away, somewhere that took a great deal of strength to get out of, yet I’m sinking and drowning again. My boyfriend seems to judge me now instead of being a supporter, I think it’s because I get angry and he takes it personal. In all reality, I’m mad at myself most of all because I can’t dig myself out of this nasty headspace. I feel isolated and trapped. I’ve let everything go. Is there anybody out there who can talk to me? I feel so alone.

Username: Uphamia

Date posted: 2y ago

Help

I have never dealt with severe depression like this, I feel really hopeless and scared, I can't imagine a future out of all my mental health issues and I can't imagine being healthy and happy. The last 3/4 years I feel like I've done nothing but avoid things that are challenging and his at home every day because of my mental health and now it's all hitting me so hard that I'm so unhappy with my life and ick how to push through feeling so bad I can't even eat. I don’t even feel like I want to hurt myself but my will to live also feels so low. I hate feeling like I’m so trapped in a mental health cycle that nothing can break it

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 1y ago

Always Letting Them Down

I have not held a job in nearly a year now. Not since my son came home from the hospital. Something makes me unable to be away from my house and not feel overwhelmed by the anxiety it causes. I am exhausted and tired and more stressed than ever. My husband has started verbally abusing me and making me feel like everything is always my fault. If he loses something I am the first to be blamed for it and he doesnt let up until it's found. If I am the one to find it it fuels him more to tell me how I am a thief and a liar when I haven't done anything wrong. I have started to question my value as a person and I have a pain in my chest that leaves me feeling suffocated and unable to function. I spend so much of my time defending myself and feeling unsure whether or not I should defe d myself at all. I'm losing my mind. I finally found a new job and yesterday when I got to work I had a message from my husband saying that I stole his medication and I had such a horrible panic attack that I passed out in my car. I woke up and was almost two hours late for work so then I freaked out and I was too afraid to go inside to work. I called the HR department and explained everything going on so I have to see a doctor and get their paperwork turned back in before I can return to my job. I'm worried that even if I do get the forms filled out that I still will lose my job. I am so worried. Rent hasn't been paid yet this month and I have been so stressed out that I have virtually shut down altogether. I have no motivation to do anything and I am having to watch my little boy suffer through all the fighting and all the crying. I actually chopped off my own hair this afternoon. I was fed up and I don't know why I did it but my husband was recording my panic attacks and getting a video of me freaking out made it obvious to me that he doesn't care about me anymore other than as something to entertain himself when he is bored. He has become someone I can't trust and it gets tiring having to protect myself and who I am at all times. I don't know how to get out of this situation because I have literally no money and I have no friends in this town. I guess I'm just looking to feel accepted somewhere. I feel like a failure and a let down. I feel like something is seriously wrong with me.

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Anybody else deal with this?

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