Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

SOMEONE PLEASE HELP 😭

Last week when i talked to my therapist, he brought up questions to make sure I was harm ocd towards myself instead of really wanting to harm myself. Since hearing his questions, erp has been really scary for me, so I messaged my therapist to see if i was doing it right. He answered to err on the caution, that if i actually felt like i would harm myself then i should stop, but if i felt like it was an ocd fear then I should continue. I think I’m in a low period in life so I’m struggling to figure out what I’m feeling😭 like every time before doing erp, i feel like next time’s the time that I would hurt myself, and it makes me so scared. With what the therapist said, i honestly don’t know what to do 😭 Now I just can't stop feeling anxious 😭

A23

Date posted: 3y

This sounds like a fear of uncertainty, and surprise, that's OCD. If you're new to therapy/ERP, that's OK. You should also talk with your therapist about mental compulsions, this can help you become more aware and reduce the anxiety in the long run. Good luck and stay strong 🙌

Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Thank you for your kind reply! I think my harm OCD keeps jumping from targetting other people to me, and what my therapist said really scared the heck out of me, and I just am so scared that I would really hurt myself😭 I did talk to my therapist about mental compulsions, and these are just the absolute hardest to cut for me :( I really REALLY appreciate your reply, and hope you stay strong too😭💜

Christofer

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

I get the same fears. I’m constantly wondering if it’s ocd or a desire when it comes to harm. I’m a month into therapy and haven’t committed any harm towards myself or anyone. My advice is to just keep fighting. I do my best to remind myself that every day I get by is a WIN right now. Wishing you the best with therapy.

Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Hello and thanks for your kind reply! I am really glad to know I’m not alone in this😭 Harm ocd is in particular scary and isolating, cause it’s lives we are talking about here😭 thank you again and wishing you all the best in your recovery path as well😭✨

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3y

Hi Scc08, That sounds really tough, I'm sorry that OCD is making you question yourself and your therapy. It sounds like you did exactly what I would have suggested, which is reaching out to your therapist for some guidance. I also agree with your therapist's response to err on the side of caution especially if you're newer to ERP or harm-specific exercises. This might be something you request to do together in session a few more times to build your confidence with their support to know the difference between OCD fear and actual intent. Here's the rub, though: OCD wants you to be 100% sure that it's definitely an OCD fear (or actual danger), which is something you, or I, or anyone else can never fully prove. You can feel quite confident but never totally sure. That's okay. My guiding phrase is "I really don't think I want to do that. It's possible that a teeny tiny part of me does want to, or will, but it seems really unlikely." That can border into reassurance, so be careful not to say things like "I'm definitely not going to." Small wording changes like "I may or may not, and don't think so" help us accept the possibility without changing it into a probability.

Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Hi Devon, i hope you are doing well, and I really REALLY appreciate you taking time to type this out 😭💜 At this point I think i’ve done so much thinking over the past 3 months that I can’t really figure out whether I think I want to hurt myself. The only thing I can really identify is that I am scared that I would hurt myself, which leads to me being scared of doing the exposure😭 I don’t know if being scared equates to not wanting to hurt myself, and it makes me more scared thinking of this…

cmac1339

Date posted: 3y

I was sent to a psych ward for what turned out to be sheer harm OCD. The medical community can mess up a lot (to be fair OCD is very newly discovered and researched) so I’ve been there. I never wanted to hurt myself but oh, I was convinced I would.

A23

Date posted: 3y

Yeah, it's tricky because they have to make sure on their side, for liability reasons. But glad you are ok and sharing your story

A23

Date posted: 3y

@A23 *liability, safety, etc I think there's norms, policies, and laws about this

cmac1339

Date posted: 3y

@A23 Yeah most of the time it’s well-meaning

Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

Yeah i’m talking to my NOCD specialist but i get that he’s concerned about safety so he has to be cautious with how im feeling, but at the same time i just cant figure out if i want to hurt myself or not and it just bothers me, or sometimes im not even thinking about this, but i just feel so uncomfortable that i might hurt myself next time 😭😭😭

cmac1339

Date posted: 3y

@Scc08 It’s an awful feeling I’ve been there. But it was years ago and i never got the same theme again

Scc08

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 3y

@cmac1339 Im glad you’ve never gotten this theme again… it really hits so hard 😭 harm ocd to me is the scariest out of all the themes that I have😭 I’m always praying that i didn’t have to be bugged by all these thoughts daily :(

TrustGod24

Date posted: 24w

ERP

I’m thinking about doing erp but my ocd is so severe the thought of accepting my fears happening to me makes me sick to my stomach. I also believe in the power of my words and saying I accept this Bad thing will attract it into my life. I’m not sure what I should do🥲

Anonymous

Date posted: 23w

religious OCD

Please help. I have felt so off/wrong all day. I constantly worry that the “bad guy” is going to get me. I have awful thoughts and I constantly want God to know that I don’t mean these thoughts. I am at a point in my therapy where I need to choose to use my ERP but it feels too scary. I then do compulsions, which makes the OCD worse, which makes me want to use ERP less. And the cycle goes on. I am currently sitting in my car crying because I feel so lost and exhausted. I’m not supposed to figure out my thoughts, but today I just went into a spiral of sadness and depression, thinking that I will always feel like this. When my thoughts got really bad at the end of the day, I tried to use ERP even though I was shaking and not believing my responses and I ended up feeling like I missed something and that I gave into the “bad guy.” I have no one to talk when I’m not doing therapy twice a week. I am alone and have no one to talk to when I am like this… please help

hestia

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 22w

I Need Help

I’m trying to do ERP therapy, but I keep thinking my subtype of ocd is the worst there ever is. I tried going on a walk tonight and the adrenaline in my body along with the shakes and the burning in my chest got so overwhelming. I felt like I was just about to lay down in the gutter along the sidewalk. I’m not trying to be super negative. I just don’t know what to do anymore. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I just wanna cry so bad and I want it to go away but it won’t I almost feel like I have to call a crisis line or something even right now while I’m writing this I’m crying so bad. I can’t enjoy a single thing. I joined a support group tonight, but I just feel like I feel so bad for everyone because of how awful it is. I know what I’m writing right now doesn’t make a lot of sense but I just don’t know what to do anymore. Part of me wants to quit ERP therapy so bad cause I don’t think it’s gonna ever help. if anyone has any advice or suggestions, that would be greatly appreciated.

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