Progress?

My OCD is both so much better and so much worse than it was before. I feel no anxiety and I feel yet I feel like I'm looking through a fractured pane of glass at my own life. It feels wrong. Being gay feels wrong, being straight feels wrong, and being bi feels wrong. Being trans feels wrong, being cis feels wrong, being non-binary feels wrong. Everything I do feels wrong, everything I feel seems wrong. But none of it makes me feel anxious. Just sad, and broken.

ishdh.2

Date posted: 3y

You once helped me in a really tough time, so I hope I can do the same for you :) I’m sorry it’s so rough. I’m still dealing with TOCD myself and I know how real and debilitating that doubt can feel. I’ve been in your spot myself, chasing for anxiety, anything, just ANYTHING at all to tell me I don’t want this intrusive thought in my head. And there are many times it doesn’t. It can make you question everything and get you to spiral on old memories. It can make you feel so disconnected from yourself. Suddenly nothing feels right, and you feel horrified this will be your forever. But I promise you, it won’t be. Your OCD has went into remission once before and it will again. It may try to convince you it won’t, but you’re stronger than anything it can throw at you. You will persevere, you’ve proven you can! Instead of getting hung up on what feels right, try to let go of searching for answers. This is the hardest part of conquering OCD and gosh I’m still struggling so much with it myself. I’m new to all this, and it’s hard but I’m learning and growing as are you. The moment you just let the “maybe, maybe not” and sit with the not knowing happen, it gets just a little easier every day from that point on. Your OCD is telling you that you can’t do this. But it’s wrong. I know what it’s like to be in that place, all past victories feel like coincidences but they aren’t. They’re signs of your progress, and sometimes there’s some peaks and valleys on our journey. Life didn’t go easy on us, and it is so unfair, but we’ll always try our best to make do with what we have. Sorry if I wasn’t able to help all that much. I’m really really struggling on my own right now and it feels like an impossible task. But I know that this won’t be forever, even if it really feels like it in those dark moments. I’m still always open for a dm on Twitter if you need words of support :) . My @ is internintendo and I couldn’t message you bc your inbox was closed but you can always shoot a message to me if you need someone to listen. You’ll get through this, and everything will be ok :)

Scooterino

Date posted: 3y

Thank you 💖

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

You’re confused, and that’s all. OCD is really convincing.

Scooterino

Date posted: 3y

I've been confused now for 15 years and it makes me wonder if it's really confusion or not. I hope it's confusion. I'd just like to feel like there's a good path forward.

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@Scooterino If you haven’t made any improvements since day one, then it’s HOCD with wrong help. OCD is permanent for life, but the thoughts are able to eliminate.

Scooterino

Date posted: 3y

@Anonymous I've tried all the things they say to do for OCD, and it just stays the same...

Anonymous

Date posted: 3y

@Scooterino Do you know why OCD is still there? FEAR! The thoughts makes us scares, devastated and sad. They feel real, but when they’re not there. Our true sides are the sign of us.

moon0270

Date posted: 20w

OCD

Makes me feel lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 20w

I need this to end.

I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.

Sexual Orientation OCD

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 17w

Doubts about self expression

This obsession is new, but feels so much more grounded and it’s so anxiety inducing. Since the ocd started I’ve lost my sense of self and confidence. I got soocd and it slowly turned into be doubting my identity on whether I want to identify or dress masculine or feminine. I don’t feel good in the clothes I would typically wear out before I’m constantly overanalyzing how I’m feeling , it makes me really anxious and like I’m preforming. So then I started doubting if I would rather dress masculine and it’s extremely anxiety inducing and idk if it’s the ocd now but it feels like that’s how I want to dress.. that’s not what I associated with at all before the ocd but now it feels like that’s what would make me feel fully confident and loose in the world, does anyone else experience this??

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