Does anyone find (believe) their OCD is as bad as it is because of the situation they’re in? There is a lot of talk on here that OCD is a chemical imbalance and that exposure therapy works. I’ve had this over ten years and can say with absolute certainty that exposure therapy has NEVER worked for me. It makes it worse. This whole idea of “exposure therapy lets you reach a level of anxiety and realize you’ll be fine” is very toxic. I have done this. Had a massive panic attack. Collapsed. And ambulance had to be called. My living situation is horrible and makes my OCD spiral. And because of the way the world is right now moving isn’t an option. Which has made my depression spiral. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. All I do every day, every moment, I’m not at work, is lay in bed and cry.

“Sitting with it” does not help. Our space at home in flux because of my boyfriend moving in last April. I constantly hear that the treatment for OCD is to not engage in the compulsions, but it doesn’t work AT ALL for me. I have “sat with” the disorganization in our space for months and it continually makes me feel very stressed and, in turn, depressed. There are times when I finally can make an improvement in our space to make it more comfortable and there’s a noticeable uptick in my mood and my stress goes down considerably. Isn’t there anything else I can do? This “sit with the anxiety” it bullshit for me.

Have any of you been stuck in what feels like an OCD loop? It’s like being held hostage by OCD. It’s like everything becomes a trigger. Like there isn’t a part of the day where I’m not having intrusive thoughts because it’s the only thing my brain can think about. So every conversation I’m thinking of horrible things I could say, every time I pet my dog think of things I could do to hurt her, anytime I drive I think of hitting pedestrians, every time I’m alone I think of ways I could hurt myself. It honestly feels like my brains on fire I’m starting to think I might have some kind of destructive brain tumour because I can’t comprehend how this can all be mental illness. It’s the ‘urge’ I can’t deal with it feels so real. I’ve had mental illness and likely OCD my whole life but nothing has ever made me feel as scared and hopeless as this. I’ve been having horrible migraine attacks daily for months and I think the trigger is the stress and anxiety these thoughts cause. I feel like I can never rest. It’s like my head is caught in a vice and my eye sight is constant flashes and static. Blood tests normal and two eye tests back normal. I can barely work as my whole job is computer based. I don’t even know how I would begin to do ERP because it feels like I’d have to tackle EVERYTHING about being alive! I also don’t think I have any compulsions. If I do none of them provide any relief so it’s basically just me feeling like I’m going insane every single day since October. It’s impossible to relax when my brain thinks we’re either going to die of a brain tumour or going insane and hurting myself against my will or doing something to someone else that would mean I would have to kill myself. My brain honestly believes it’s inevitable I won’t be along for much longer and it’s petrifying. I don’t know how to get better until I can reset my body to get out of this cycle. How am I supposed to move forward when my brain and body is in constant fight and flight? Does anybody relate? My brain doesn’t even believe this is OCD anymore… I guess this is reassurance but I’m having such a terrible time.

I am probably a lot older than most members on here having had ocd for over 40 years and I have had every type of ocd but its always thoughts based and mental rituals around harming people I love. . I have been doing great using self help books, and thought I had everything under control at last. I had quit worrying about it and realised I was never going to do any of the things I feared and would never ever want to. However out of the blue a few weeks ago I had a weird but horrible thought pop up, which I tried to do exposure for, by telling myself we can say anything in our heads even if its not true, as the self help books taught me. . that then started a whole new ball game as I then started bringing the horrible thoughts up on purpose and made them the worst I could for exposure , thinking it was the right thing to do but now i am feeling even worse again as by doing that I actually said the things I feared coming into my head for example:..'I could say I want ******to happen to the people i love ( then I kept repeating in my head that I wouldnt say that) I would never want anything bad to happen to them ever , they are my world and I love them more than Ive ever loved anyone. has this exposure I tried to do become a compulsion? . I seem to be constantly repeating this and then praying to keep everyone safe,,, why am i being tortured like this its as though the ocd bully is now saying ah but what if you hurt people by saying horrible things. please, please someone help me as I am really anxious and upset over this.