I wrote a post the other day on here saying what I did that made my ocd disappear for a couple of weeks by not researching/resssurance seeking etc and I relapsed and I feel so guilty 😔 it’s becoming increasingly upsetting to deal with ROCD ! I constantly feel like my boyfriend deserves better than me I do feel like an awful partner for having these thoughts and doubts about the relationship. We are going to be getting married soon , I am absolutely TERRIFIED. I physically feel like I’m going to be sick every time I wake up. I’m crying all the time, my intrusive thoughts are currently about the ‘spark’ in our relationship , the fact I wasn’t head over heels in love when I first met my boyfriend , it’s something that we both say we’ve grown to love each other over time. But I’m constantly telling myself ‘no you’re just trying to reassure yourself and you’re in denial ‘ . Before I met my boyfriend I always had the thought that you know if someone is right for you based off that initial spark and initial attraction, otherwise it will never lead anywhere. And this has really made it difficult for our relationship to progress because these limited beliefs have held me back throughout and otherwise amazing relationship. The attraction is there , but it’s not that intense desire and intense passion. I’ve researched online and It really doesn’t help- endless people saying if you don’t have that initial desire and lust the relationship is bound to fail. But I deeply love him and I’ve never cared for a man like I care about him. He feels like home to me and I know I’m incredibly lucky to have him as my man, many women would dream of a man like him , he treats me like a princess (as cringey as that sounds I can’t find a better word to describe how attentive he is and how he always puts me first ). I pray that we can stay together and walk together through all the challenges of life and that I can overcome these negative self sabotaging thoughts , but the worst part of all of this is the guilt I feel, he could be with someone who doesn’t have ROCD / these horrible doubts and he truly deserves the world he’s an amazing man , he has the purest heart , and he works crazy hours each week to provide for his parents and his siblings because he loves to help people around him, he is selfless. I’m lost at what to do, I give my all in the relationship I really do, but my doubts sometimes make it feel like a full time job and I wish I could appreciate my man rather than constantly obsess and worry. I want to marry him with all my heart , I would do what ever it takes to get over the obstacles in our way but the thing really holding me back is I don’t feel deserving to be his wife, he deserves a woman who was head over heels with him from day one , no doubts , no ROCD, I feel like I’m almost ‘sinning’ to marry him 💔